I know there are many posts but i wanted to ask what I should do. I am a male foreigner, my wife is Japanese,and our child is 2.
Wife regularly mentions me getting out of the apartment more than getting a divorce. But divorce is also mentioned.
I would be fine with divorcing her but am horrified that she says she won’t let me see my daughter after divorce. This would be painful for me, but the idea of our 2 year old asking where I am and never being able to see me is heartbreaking.
So, firstly, I am trying not to divorce, but it seems like it is going to be hard to avoid.
A part of me thinks I should wait for a moment when things are going a little better then suggest I move out, since my wife has suggested that. The hope being that as she is busy with work to some extent she will allow me to pick up my daughter from Hoikuen and spend time with her. It seems like that time would be similar, but it would still be kind of shocking to live apart and that is the best case divorce.
As far as I am aware, my wife can pack up and leave any time she wants? And take child? Is that correct? She seems keen on me leaving and I think this is mainly because she is somewhat of a hoarder so she can’t imagine leaving the apartment and just wants me to leave to make it easy? Or is it poosibly that I make the process easier for her by legally abandoning them?
I remember there was some form that I should go and fill out at the shiyakusho to prevent an instant divorce or something? What does it do and what is it called?
People mention lawyers, but is there any point if she is going to get custody?
I wouldn’t usually consider this, bur during our 13 years in Japan, I have had several good job offers overseas, and generally always stayed in Japan because it suited her and her career. She hasn’t made huge amounts of money, bit has been a good saver. If she though she was going to lose any of it it would certainly make her cautious.
What steps should I take, or what can I do?
5 comments
Can you afford a 2nd place? If so, rent a studio apartment nearby.
The form you want prevents a couple from divorcing just by hanko. You both have to go there in person to submit the documents (if I remember correctly). I forgot the name of the document but also it only lasts for one year. You would just resubmit the document the second year to renew.
The document is called rikon fujuri moshidesho 離婚不受理申出書. Needs to be done every year. You can file it by yourself.
Don’t move out. It shows that you are abandoning your family, which will give your wife a legitimate reason for divorce.
What are her reasons for wanting a divorce?
Having a child can be mentally and physically exhausting for many. Make sure you’re more than pulling your weight around the home is all I can suggest.
Hey OP – I was in a very similar situation a little over a year ago. I just decided to move out (wife said something similar to yours saying she wouldn’t let me see my kid after a divorce but wanted me to move out) and rented a mansion really close to our family home to give my wife some space/let her cool down. I was able to still see my kid everyday and gradually things got a lot better between my wife and I. I ended up moving back into the family home.I hope thing works out for you. I’ll admit, I sacrificed part of my happiness for my son’s happiness as that was most important to me.
I can personally recommend a lawyer who can help you with a consultation on the best moves to make. It’s best to know your legal options and subsequent actions from a specialist. DM if you would like the lawyer’s name and contact info. He is in Tokyo but does consultations by Zoom too. Good luck!