My wife(Japanese) just got invited to her friends wedding in Tokyo. I’ve met her friend and we’ve had dinner quite a few times. She says it’s uncommon to invite your friends spouse to the wedding and that I can’t go. No RSVP has been sent out yet.
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/196fdr3/japanese_wedding/
20 comments
Ok. And….?
Yes this is a thing. The amount of guests at a Japanese wedding party is decided very carefully (for money, venue space, harmony etc), and I’ve definitely heard of spouses not being invited.
Your wife is correct, this is normal & expected for Japanese weddings.
I am not sure if this is asking a question but assuming the question is “is this a thing?” then the answer is “Yes. This is common.”
Friends, family, and colleagues of the principals are invited. Spouses (who are not mutual friends) are not, necessarily, invited.
Yes this is a thing and actually it’s kinda nice so you can avoid paying the expected 30,000yen or the 50,000 for you as a couple as it starts to add up real quick once more and more friends or co-workers start to get married.
Yes. I was groom at Japanese wedding and was lucky I made the cut!
My husband is Japanese so I asked him. He said that situation is normal in Japan. You may have met her a few times but you don’t have the kind of friendship with her that your wife does, so you didn’t get an invite. Be happy that you don’t have to fork over the extra money for a wedding gift.
I’ve heard that this was normal, but I have been invited to two of my husband’s friend’s weddings, my husband was invited to one of my friend’s weddings (but chose not to go), and we also invited partners/spouses to our wedding.
It all depends on how close you are with the friend and husband. I’ve been invited to a few of her college/work friends because I happened to became friends with the husbands when they were dating. But there were some of her high school friends who married and only invited her. Flip side is some of my Japanese friends only invited me.
What your wife said is accurate and correct. Japan doesn’t have the Western-style partner culture. You’ve had dinner with them a few times, but you were just allowed to be there as her spouse.
Brides and grooms typically invite their own friends and important people with a direct connection and relationship with them. Therefore, you cannot attend the wedding.
I’ve seen numerous instances of reversed sadness among Japanese individuals who married someone in the West and now live in the Western country. Japanese people living there are frequently invited to various parties as spouses, causing some stress for them.
It is a very normal thing. Japanese people invite their friends or those they care about, you just happen to be married to someone a friend but that doesn’t immediately make you someone they might want to share their special day with.
I was surprised when i first heard of it as i’m used to people being offended when their partner is not included, but it sounds ideal if you ask me. Still, hope you make the cut!
Not only a Japanese thing, happens in my country (Europe) as well sometimes. I totally understand it since it’s always a question of money and amount of people. You have to draw a line to not blow up budget and space at a certain point.
I also never went to husbands friends weddings except for two people but I was also invited
Yes, it happens all the time. Since weddings are expensive, this limits the number of guests. Also, they usually only invite the person they know from work, school, etc.
It can seem strange if you’re from a country like the US, where wedding invitations are usually sent to the whole family and whoever is free that day just shows up.
Japanese weddings are meticulously planned, and the venue must know the number of guests ahead of time. Dinner, if served, is usually a sit down affair, and there is no buffet.
Westerners are also surprised at many of the customs at Japanese weddings, such as giving cash instead of gifts, and receiving a gift from the bride and groom after the wedding as they leave. These can be quite expensive gifts. This is another reason they limit the number of guests. They order the gifts in advance, so they need to know the number of guests to expect.
I wish it was the case in the west.
I always find developed countries quite stuck up when it comes to weddings.
Yes, we only invited my Japanese wife’s friends. Not their spouses.
Very normal. It’s common enough that YouTuber
Paolo from TOKYO brought it up in his “Typical Wedding” video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKSJzPa9k2E
I just aked my japanese wife about that and she said it is common that the bride can only invite women while the groom can only invite other men.
Totally normal and we did it when hosting our own wedding, don’t sweat it