Dumb question but we’re a recently married gay couple going for our honeymoon, and we were thinking of letting our hotels and (fancier) restaurants know that it’s our honeymoon in case they could do anything to make our experience extra special.
Would it be advisable for us to do that? I’m cautious of Japanese culture and (1) whether that’d be considered in bad taste straight or queer, and 2) if the extra queer element would make the note especially weird for the typical establishment. Just don’t want to offend or embarrass ourselves.
Appreciate any advice here!
18 comments
I’ve always found it in bad taste to tell places it’s your “XXXX” just to get special treatment, but you know, that’s just me. I don’t see any reason for doing it for hotels, for a super expensive restaurant, sure. Unless the restaurant asks if there’s any special occasion today, then by all means say it when asked.
I personally wouldn’t do that at the hotel or at something like omakase or kaiseki. Those are carefully crafted multi course meals and I think it would be a little tone deaf to ask for something special at something like that.
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Disclaimer: I’m not gay and I typically travel in Japan solo.
That being said, from what I understand, people in Japan tend to keep their private lives private, especially LGBT+ people. My friend went to Pride in Japan last year and he said it was almost all foreigners. He himself is gay and he’s met a few Japanese gay men and he said they are generally not “out”. They don’t really discuss it.
Also, Japanese hospitality is already amazing. The mindset is that the customer is God and most hotel and restaurant staff (mostly at the higher end places) will do their utmost to make sure you feel taken care of.
I think if you mentioned it, you might get a “Congratulations!” But beyond that, it’ll probably just be standard stuff.
Also: congratulations on getting married!
Really the only time I’ve seen that sort of stuff matter is birthdays and big anniversaries. If you order a special dessert or something and get the chocolate “happy bday” etc message on your plate, etc. Honeymoons are ongoing events and not a rare reason to stay at a fancy hotel ….I don’t know what would be done differently from the hotel’s perspective.
In the only scenario that I would let them know ahead of time, the “gay” question is completely irrelevant: If you have some sort of status with a Western hotel chain and are staying at their luxury-level properties, let the loyalty program know.
Some places have a section in the reservation where you can mention if it’s a birthday or anniversary etc. you could fill it in – they might do something special for you who knows. I think high end places with good customer service will have no issues with a same-sex couple.
Got gay married last year and we booked the Hilton hotel in Tokyo bay. My husband sorted everything so I’m not sure what he had said or anything, but the reception did give us a “Congratulations on your anniversary” card when we checked in. The clerks seemed a little confused, but didn’t say anything. I generally felt a little awkward.
When we went on our babymoon- the Mandarin left us a nice note in our room and chocolate strawberries. Can’t hurt?
Here’s my advice as a straight minority man who traveled with a gay friend in Japan…
I saw no outright hostility or threats to violence regarding the lgbtqia lifestyle. My friend did not express any discomfort or awkward interactions either. He also faced no overt or subversive discrimination.
However, we both found that Japanese culture (from our outsider’s perspective) likes to keep their private lives very private. The people we met or hung out with hardly ever discussed anything deeply personal or private.
This private lives attitude turned quite a bit more conservative outside of the big cities. Just like in any other country.
All the best on your travels. Congrats.
I wouldn’t. Japan is very conservative.
Congratulations, and you definitely should!
I worked at hotel as concierge in Japan btw. Of course you can’t expect that they’ll be able to offer anything, but I’d say why not. And not only foreigners by Japanese does this also. This is not impolite or outside the norm in any ways.
We, as in Japanese aren’t very used to see gay couples in daily life, so you might need welcomed with confusion, however I don’t see how people may treat you any differently. (Though I’m not of LGBT community myself so I’m just not confident enough to guarantee that just because of that.)
Anyhow, obviously the capacity of services differs widely depending on the hotels, but I believe that full service hotels and Ryokans would love to know that you guys are here for very special reasons. They may not be able to offer much (like for rooms for example, when there’s no room, they literally can’t provide more than what’s already reserved), but they can be at least confident and ready to provide better services. You may even want to tell them that you’re on honeymoon to hotel before arrival if you want. That way they may be able to make an arrangement if they are capable of that.
Either ways, congrats again and hope you guys enjoy the trip!
If your hotel is a Western chain then let them know. If it’s a Japanese owned hotel, don’t bother.
Depends on the hotel. If it’s a big chain and it asks about it sure. If it’s a small boutique hotel, I do not recommend it.
Congratulations with your wedding.
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You can mention it is for honeymoon but it won’t change much (especially in Japanese hotel).
As some other people mentioned before, being gay in Japan is more something private and not something to mention/tell people you don’t really know 🙂
If you do mention it to the hotel, it won’t make your experience bad or something.
Enjoy your stay in Japan!
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(I am gay Japanese but I moved a few years ago to Europe together with my Japanese partner)
As a straight couple, every hotel we mentioned it to in the reservation notes did something special (cards/chocolates or in the case of the very high end hotels and ryokans a small gift like chopsticks, etc.). At the nice restaurants booked by the hotel, we got small extras like a piece of cake with a ribbon that said honeymoon, or something like that…
We did not get any room upgrades or extras of real cost like free champagne, but it was high season.
I don’t think the juice is worth the squeeze here unless you are trying to use your trip to normalize being gay in Japan. My guess based on the culture is that it will make people uncomfortable but they’ll still do something privately (maybe not a public cake or whatever at a restaurant but perhaps some chocolates). And for what? Some chocolate? A hand written note from someone that likely won’t actually care?
My wife and I (both women) went to Japan for our honeymoon and I let the nicer hotels know when I made reservations. We got an upgrade and a few small gifts as a result, but the main reason I let them know is I didn’t want them to make arrangements for us assuming that we are just friends, and to give them a heads up instead of having to explain something verbally with a possible language barrier. My perspective on respecting culture: Being closeted, especially on our honeymoon, was a no-go for us. We were respectful by not being demonstrative in public while we were there, but that was normal for everyone we saw – queer and straight.
There were some funny moments – in a fancy ryokan, the futons were set up next to each other and the attendant saw we were both women, she asked if we wanted to move them to separate rooms until I explained were were celebrating our wedding. The attendant responded by clapping and saying “kawaii”. One great perk if you go to an onsen town: you and your spouse can spend the day together, whereas the straight honeymooning couples are separated!
If you’re making the reservation online for a hotel or restaurant and the form has a field that asks if this is a special event and what kind it is, feel free to use it; that’s what it’s for. Otherwise, if it’s over the phone or the like, it’s not asked, and you’re not booking something a “honeymoon package” for example, then there’s little point in informing them of that, regardless of orientation.