Hi,
I’m at a bit of a crossroads and I’m not sure there is a right or wrong answer for me, but I’d like to seek some perspective from life-experienced people here. Sorry if it is long as I lay out the details.
I’m a 30 year old engineer from the US who recently received a job offer in Nagoya City. The job is at a Japanese startup in an emerging technology, within my expertise, and pays well for Japan. Interestingly, there is a large international contingent at this company, given that the technical interviews were in English with other foreigners, while the HR interviews were in Japanese. Whether they’ll still be in business in 5, 10 years is a concern to me, but this is also the nature of startups.
I previously lived in Tokyo for a year while working at the Japanese branch of an American company in Tokyo. It was not a temporary assignment and I hired directly in. The office largely spoke Japanese only, which I did fine with. I was able to navigate life on my own, although it was of course more challenging. I continue striving to improve my Japanese.
I felt that life in Tokyo suited me well. I really enjoyed the walkable and bikeable spaces, public transit, and things to do. It felt like this is the way society should be, and it made me feel peaceful. Making friends was hard sometimes compared to the US so I was lonely sometimes. However I did have several good friends through my language exchange connections back in the US. I met my ex while I was there, also from a foreign country, and we spent a lot of time together.
I ended up leaving the company and coming back to the US in May last year. I did not like the nature of my job and felt like my career was dead-ending. I missed my parents, sibling, and relatives, but also I felt a lot of pressure and guilt to move back especially as my first nephew was born. I don’t live in the same state/time zone as them, although it is much easier to travel to see them or communicate due to the shorter distance and time difference.
Perhaps I was short-sighted, impatient, or homesick, but I did not search for other jobs in Japan. I returned to my old company in the US because I knew it was a good job. Disliking my supervisor in Japan, and generally the various pressures I felt at the time, probably contributed to this.
My relationship with my ex ended as she went back to her home country too, and plans for her to come to the US fell apart due to the reality of US immigration laws. I was unwilling to change my plan and move to her country, which perhaps was stubborn.
Ever since I’ve gotten back I’ve felt disillusioned. I am adapting very poorly to returning to a sprawling American metro. It is dangerous to just cross the street, let alone ride your bike. Public transit is entirely inadequate and it seems like everything is a 30 minute drive away minimum. I didn’t realize how much this mattered to me, or how much living in Tokyo left an impression on me, but I didn’t account for how I would view living here differently upon my return.
I have searched exhaustively for jobs in more walkable areas in the US, but the reality is that I cannot get a job in places like San Francisco and New York City, because engineers who make airplanes work in car dependent, industrial or suburban areas. Nobody puts their factory in Manhattan. This is endemic to the US and a consequence of how previous generations built our country, and is therefore out of my control. This prompted me to search for jobs in Japan, fast-forward to now.
Now I am weighing the long-term consequences of moving back. Yes, I would get the walkable spaces and all the other nice parts about Japan. However now I worry about my future kids. I have seen first-hand the low wages they receive, despite the tremendous academic pressure they are put under. As a foreigner I can get paid highly for specialized skills, acquired from American schools and industry, but my kids would be culturally Japanese and be paid accordingly. And yet, the idea of my kids not being able to safely walk places in public or take the train, being trapped in their American suburban home like I was, sounds terrible. Are they really better off being Japanese than American?
I tell myself that I need to do what it takes to be happy and enjoy my short life, even if it means moving away from family. But would I regret my children not being more involved with their grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins in the US? Moreover, would I regret not being more involved with them, especially as they age?
Alternatively I could give up on achieving a lifestyle like I had before in Japan, and try to make the best of the suburban American life. I’ve found that I can make a lot more money than I am now in the US, and money is important too. I could get a remote job, and move somewhere that doesn’t require as much driving, or where I could at least just walk to the grocery store and library.
I realize that this is ultimately a decision I just have to make and live with, but if anyone has some perspective to contribute I would greatly appreciate it.
by Gone__Plaid
5 comments
This is a copy of your post for archive/search purposes.
—
**Weighing moving back to Japan**
Hi,
I’m at a bit of a crossroads and I’m not sure there is a right or wrong answer for me, but I’d like to seek some perspective from life-experienced people here. Sorry if it is long as I lay out the details.
I’m a 30 year old engineer from the US who recently received a job offer in Nagoya City. The job is at a Japanese startup in an emerging technology, within my expertise, and pays well for Japan. Interestingly, there is a large international contingent at this company, given that the technical interviews were in English with other foreigners, while the HR interviews were in Japanese. Whether they’ll still be in business in 5, 10 years is a concern to me, but this is also the nature of startups.
I previously lived in Tokyo for a year while working at the Japanese branch of an American company in Tokyo. It was not a temporary assignment and I hired directly in. The office largely spoke Japanese only, which I did fine with. I was able to navigate life on my own, although it was of course more challenging. I continue striving to improve my Japanese.
I felt that life in Tokyo suited me well. I really enjoyed the walkable and bikeable spaces, public transit, and things to do. It felt like this is the way society should be, and it made me feel peaceful. Making friends was hard sometimes compared to the US so I was lonely sometimes. However I did have several good friends through my language exchange connections back in the US. I met my ex while I was there, also from a foreign country, and we spent a lot of time together.
I ended up leaving the company and coming back to the US in May last year. I did not like the nature of my job and felt like my career was dead-ending. I missed my parents, sibling, and relatives, but also I felt a lot of pressure and guilt to move back especially as my first nephew was born. I don’t live in the same state/time zone as them, although it is much easier to travel to see them or communicate due to the shorter distance and time difference.
Perhaps I was short-sighted, impatient, or homesick, but I did not search for other jobs in Japan. I returned to my old company in the US because I knew it was a good job. Disliking my supervisor in Japan, and generally the various pressures I felt at the time, probably contributed to this.
My relationship with my ex ended as she went back to her home country too, and plans for her to come to the US fell apart due to the reality of US immigration laws. I was unwilling to change my plan and move to her country, which perhaps was stubborn.
Ever since I’ve gotten back I’ve felt disillusioned. I am adapting very poorly to returning to a sprawling American metro. It is dangerous to just cross the street, let alone ride your bike. Public transit is entirely inadequate and it seems like everything is a 30 minute drive away minimum. I didn’t realize how much this mattered to me, or how much living in Tokyo left an impression on me, but I didn’t account for how I would view living here differently upon my return.
I have searched exhaustively for jobs in more walkable areas in the US, but the reality is that I cannot get a job in places like San Francisco and New York City, because engineers who make airplanes work in car dependent, industrial or suburban areas. Nobody puts their factory in Manhattan. This is endemic to the US and a consequence of how previous generations built our country, and is therefore out of my control. This prompted me to search for jobs in Japan, fast-forward to now.
Now I am weighing the long-term consequences of moving back. Yes, I would get the walkable spaces and all the other nice parts about Japan. However now I worry about my future kids. I have seen first-hand the low wages they receive, despite the tremendous academic pressure they are put under. As a foreigner I can get paid highly for specialized skills, acquired from American schools and industry, but my kids would be culturally Japanese and be paid accordingly. And yet, the idea of my kids not being able to safely walk places in public or take the train, being trapped in their American suburban home like I was, sounds terrible. Are they really better off being Japanese than American?
I tell myself that I need to do what it takes to be happy and enjoy my short life, even if it means moving away from family. But would I regret my children not being more involved with their grandparents, aunt, uncle and cousins in the US? Moreover, would I regret not being more involved with them, especially as they age?
Alternatively I could give up on achieving a lifestyle like I had before in Japan, and try to make the best of the suburban American life. I’ve found that I can make a lot more money than I am now in the US, and money is important too. I could get a remote job, and move somewhere that doesn’t require as much driving, or where I could at least just walk to the grocery store and library.
I realize that this is ultimately a decision I just have to make and live with, but if anyone has some perspective to contribute I would greatly appreciate it.
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Hello,
I feel like I can’t really provide a real solution to your problem – I’ve never lived in Japan nor in the US – but I can surely give you my opinion on the general matter.
I, in fact, am the same as you, as in I tend to think about all the possible future consequences of my decisions. I find myself living just fine in the area I’m in right now; the quality of life is fine, and I have my loved ones closeby. However, internal politics is really ruining my country and the chances of having a good life for my kids are not that good, honestly. I’m thus planning my next 5 years according to what my “non-foreseeable” future will look like.
Having said so, sometimes I stop and try to reason calmly: while it’s true that one has to consider the future and plan accordingly when making a life choice, it’s also wrong to neglect present happiness just for that. Hell, for what I know I won’t even have kids even though I desire them, or I’ll die tomorrow! (hopefully not, lol)
My opinion is that you should choose what would make you happy and make you achieve your desired lifestyle NOW, and then see what happens. Maybe you will decide to move back to the US in a few years, this time having thoroughly thought about it. Maybe your kids will be just fine in Japan when they are older, maybe they’ll go live to the US or in Europe. Who knows? You still have at least 18 years before that (even more, since as I understood you don’t have kids as of now). It’s way too hard to predict what will happen then.
In my case the solution is easier, as I live in Europe my plan is to move in a neighbour country which is not really that far from my homeland. I will be able to easily go back by train; I understand that this is not really comparable to your scenario.
I would say, get while the getting is good, and do what makes you happy.
Americans tend to be blind to other ways of doing things which may be better, e.g. a functional national health care system. Being able to live in a walkable, affordable city with low crime is important to happiness. People in the US will give you advice based on a past that no longer exists.
The aerospace industry is cyclical and dysfunctional. You could easily end up out of a job during a downturn. Boeing is a mess right now, and there are not a lot of other options. You could find yourself stuck in Saint Louis struggling to find a good living situation.
Perhaps the most important component to happiness is getting and maintaining personal relationships.
Even if you are in the US, you may not be near your family. Get in the habit of making regular phone and video calls. In Japan, make a continuous effort to make friends, both foreigners and locals. Foreigners have a tendency to leave (and locals, too).
Learn Japanese as much as you can. It will give you benefits at each level, and help you build relationships.
The next few decades are going to be rough from a demographic perspective. Japan will have declining and aging population, and will likely be happy to have young professionals. The US will have a fight between aging boomers and younger generations, with the rich and corporations the real winners.
You need to be able to identify when things are good for you and take advantage of them, and when they are not. You need to have a backup plan and put it into action. This is a time when you can get a job in Japan, work hard, and gain skills. At some point m there may be an opportunity elsewhere, e.g. with Airbus in Europe, and you should take it. Or the aerospace industry could suck, and you should become a programmer or civil engineer, or an entrepreneur.
You are thinking too far ahead. You should think about kids growing up in Japan when you got a long term girlfriend who you’re thinking of marrying – you just broke up. For all you know that future girl could want to live in the US.
Just live in the present and go with the flow, especially when it’s just you at the moment.
Question: Does the job and prospect of living in Nagoya excite you?
If yes, then go for it. That’s all you need.