Throwaway account because this provides a lot of personal information.
I saw [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/movingtojapan/s/7KEQ0YVKqD) on the subreddit, and it stirred up some thoughts/emotions related to my situation.
To start with the backstory:
My now husband and I met in Japan many years ago, while I was living there. We eventually decided to move to the US because my career options in Japan weren’t great (I was working in finance but had limited Japanese language ability) and the US offered legal marriage for same sex couples.
Five years later, things are just OK at times, but often difficult. Like the other poster, my husband doesn’t drive. In these five years, we moved between three different cities in the US until we found one that gave him more independence (being somewhat walkable). Up until recently, he needed me to drive most places.
I have a decent job here, and he has a retail job that pays good by Japan standards (given that the yen is so weak right now, he makes probably 4x what he did in Japan), but it really stresses him out, and we’ve struggled to find him a better career path.
We *both* really want to move back to Japan, but continue to be frustrated by the non-options available. Japan does not recognize same-sex marriage, so I am not eligible for a spouse visa. I’m nearly certain we would just up and move there if that option became available. I probably search for news on the legalization of same-sex marriage weekly. There’s been some positive news recently, but we could be waiting a *very* long time and it may never happen.
Here are the options we’ve considered instead:
– Career wise, my current role does not really transfer to Japan without solid language skills. Most positions require full professional if not native proficiency. I’ve studied (and passed) N3, but it’s not enough and my speaking level is quite low. My current company does not have offices in Japan, so intra-company transfer is not an option. I continue to apply for roles and contact recruiters, etc., but it hasn’t worked out. My prior role in Japan was very niche and English-speaking only, which is quite rare.
– I could attend a Japanese language school for up to two years (student visa) to try and build proficiency, but there’s no guarantee I would get a job within that timeframe. We may end up being separated if I can’t find a job by the end of the student visa and his US green card expires, so this feels incredibly risky. I’m reluctant to give up a year or two of my career to make this possible (the opportunity costs with loss of salary are huge). I’ve also found that I’m not great at learning the language. Despite passing N3, I worry about my ability to become truly proficient at a professional level in a two year (or less) timeframe. I’m also in my early 30s.
– I could teach English, but this is pretty much a non-option for me as it would ruin my career and I have no interest in doing it. My husband doesn’t want me to do this either.
– We have more than sufficient funds to start a business via the business investor visa, but the problem is that our main interest is in moving to Japan, not starting a business. We have no viable business idea that I can think of, so this is very unlikely to be an option.
Like I mentioned, we have decent savings so money isn’t all that much of an issue. We have enough to fund language school and living expenses for at least two years, for example.
I know my husband would be a lot happier there, as I would probably be as well. I loved the time that I spent living there, but that was when I was employed with a working visa. We’ve gone back to Japan on several trips, and every time we return to the US we get hit with this “What are we doing here?” feeling that is so hard to shake.
Based on our situation, does anyone have any thoughts on the options I’ve mentioned above, or any other factors we aren’t considering?
**TLDR**: same-sex American and Japanese couple living in the US. Want to move back to Japan but frustrated by lack of viable options.
by jpn_throwaway115