I’ve been living in Japan for a few years and yesterday finally had the amazing experience of having to withdraw money during Golden Week.
Having just come back from a small trip, I literally had no cash nor coins (nada, zero, rien), but didn’t think much of it, since you can just go to the closest ATM and withdraw some money, right? RIIIIGHT????
Well apparently no, if you ask those warts on a desert bedouin’s feet that call themselves Resona Bank.
You know one of those days where you crave for some food that is both spicy and will help you speedrun diabetes? Well, yesterday was one of those days, so I drag my fat おしり out of the house and to the nearest indian restaurant.
I order the usual crap: vegetable curry that looks enough like puke to be morbidly enticing, but not enough to be off putting. A naan that has so much oil America would declare war on it if it found out. And then the icing on the cake: a full glass of mango lassy, which I can only describe as the answer to “what if we added one tablespoon of sugar to a glass of coca cola?”.
I eat my lunch: my bowels will hate me later, but right now my brain is over the moon and that’s what matters.
I get up from my table, get to the cash registry and signal to the owner that I wish to exchange money for the goods and services he so kindly provided me. The old little man in his old little kitchen in his old little restaurant in Tokyo drops what he’s doing, rushes behind the cashier and imputs the price on his registry. I then take out my credit card, for that will be the means through which our demonic and spicy pact will be sealed today.
He motions me to insert it into his superpower by 2020 art-stan credit card reader, to which I happily comply.
> Bop. Beep. Beep bop. Bop beep beep. Beep bop bop. ERROR!!!!!!!!
Oh, the ERROR. The ERROR. Something’s rotten in the state of credic card reader-land. The owner is as puzzled as I am: “yesterday it was working” he assures me in his impeccable japanese. We try again. The same error message greets us.
Third time’s the charm, right? Of course not. Skynet myst be in a bad mood or something, because no matter how many times we try, not matter how violently the owner shoves my card up the reader’s big labia, no matter how gently he caresses the number pad, we’re going nowhere.
At that point, he throws the towel and asks me for to pay with cash. Knowing full well that I had none, I tell him I’ll quickly go to a conbini to withdraw some money. He nods.
With his blessing, I bolt out of the restaurant and get to the nearest conbini.
Nobody is using the ATM. Good. I quickly claim it for my self and insert my credit card, waiting for the ATM to ask me for my pin. GLaDOS, however, gags and pukes my card right back at me. Well, I must have inserted it from the wrong side, let’s try again.
Now it finally asks for my pin, which I happily provide. I’m already thinking about how much (rather how little) I should withdraw, since I’m a very cash-averse person, when the following message pops up:
>”We are sorry, but you won’t be able to withdraw your money until 5/6 because of GW, kek 🤣😉
(๑•👅•๑)ﾍﾟﾛﾍﾟﾛ”
FOR THE INGROWN TOENAILS OF JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I JUST READ??????
I’m still fuming today, but how come one is not able to withdraw (their!!!!) money? How’s this even legal? Why don’t people go fucking ballistic and protest against this scam? What does golden week have to do with withdrawals? Why don’t those hemorrhoids in a camel’s rectum that call themselves Resona Bank just harakiri themselves out of embarassment. What a joke they are.
I apologize for my vivid language but I’m still incredibly pissed off about that.
P.S.
In the end, I couldn’t withdraw money and had to go back to tge restaurant, kneel at the owner’s feet and beg him to let me pay next week, when I’ll be able to withdraw. Thankfully he, being slow to anger and quick to forgive, agreed. Otherwhise I guess I would have had to quit my job and work at that restaurant for free until my debt was payed and I could regain my freedom.
by Jagged-Toenails