Sorry for the long read…
So I’m sure a lot of this is because I lost a lot of confidence over the years but it’s been bugging me. I want to be a good, respectful person but with everything my backstory will tell second guess my judgment some.
Slight backstory: I (30s) am currently going through a divorce from an eight year marriage. Nothing is finalized because how she just got up and “disappeared” and took my son. Things weren’t good, she always worked and showed no affection towards me even though I did most kid related things, work, moved cities for her, tried to make things for us to do and my pay was our everyday money. I tried to make it work but a relationship isn’t one-way. She just left suddenly.
I’m currently a left behind parent and I’m only not divorced because of custody. If I do divorce, I loose any chance (according to my lawyer.) while it has only been 5ish months the lack of relationship has been much longer.
So I am hanging out more with people in general. One coworker of mine says just go out and get sex but I’m not like that. My hope is for a friendship that will evolve into something more. It’s slower but better I hope.
Well There are two Japanese ladies that I have started to do stuff with one on one. While I’m doing it because I find them fun people to do stuff with i don’t know if they feel differently. One (1)of them knows my situation completely (worked together as this happened and kinda broke down to her) and we have done a couple small trips. Like walking through a sakura park and going to a garden. We pay alternatively (well she pays for somethings and I pay for somethings). A little hard to contact but whatever. The other(2) we just bumped into each other at Starbucks and hung out for a few hours and then had sushi and plan on going bouldering sometime. She doesn’t know my situation but should have seen my phone with its pictures on the cover and my car is pretty obviously a father van with kid things in it (though we never rode together). I haven’t said anything about the situation or my son. Not hiding it but frankly don’t want to talk about it as if I do it’s a huge downer and I won’t stop. I also don’t want to be the divorced downer guy people pity and hang out with. This being said if something starts here I don’t want to hide it. I love my son.
My questions are:
Are Japanese people generally ok with dating during divorce?
Would a normal person consider the above situations dates? (1)? (2)?
If (2) isn’t would it be ok to let this info come out naturally or should I just say it some time?
If (1) and (2) are both date-like is it considered bad to see other people before anything serious (several obvious dates)? Or is this too varied by person?
Much appreciated.
by Present_Tap_2384