My fiancee for example says I can only play video games an hour a day on weekends. She also said if I double my salary, I can play video games whenever I want. She says it kind of jokingly though. I’m just wondering if anyone has a Japanese partner who lets you do more if you bring in more money
by OreaoMilkshake1000
26 comments
I have a partner who doesn’t see me as a coin purse, which is nice I guess
Your mom is your fiancée? Sick, dude.
I’d leave.
No cause I married a wife not an accountant.
Maybe it’s her attempt to use sarcasm.
Not great signals to be honest…
Our marriage is based on love, not money. So no. Btw, I also would not accept if my partner gives me time limits for anything I do in my life.
is there also diaper play involved?
do whatever makes you happy!
Warning you, as someone who ended up with a **narcissist** wife who is Japanese. This is a red flag.
It is something i would have wrote off as maybe culture, or sense of humour etc early on.
I only discovered what narcissism clinically was not long ago, and years of abuse became identified. It took me going home to visit family for weeks to realise, because i was in a normal environment with people who accept me for who I am again, which i had not had for years.
Please be careful. I strongly recommend you learn what it is.
As for me, i am working on getting out. I’m just happy i didn’t have children with her.
If you feel something is “off” and put it down to culture like i did, review it. I personally spent my life savings, gave up career, had to reset my career and train for something else as my experience was not relevant here, went to language school to learn Japanese when I came not to burden her, and basically did so much for us and her, and it was never really recognised, and eventually used **against** me.
This is because a narcissist has an idealistic version of you they hold you accountable to like an object, and when you show your humanity(like playing video games, something I personally dont but its relevant) you are deviating from that, and it is a problem for them.
Same for your good aspects which are not really part of their idealised objectified version of you. it is irrelevant to them at best, a hindrance at worst.
My wife gave me similar treatment financially despite the fact she made over 26 million yen a year(and saved 85% of it after tax), had property, lots of stocks etc. no acknowledgment of how much i put into the relationship relatively speaking either even financially.
You may be like me, and call that kind of request regarding gaming out as ridiculous to her, which I did. However, that is just tapping the surface of what narcissism does for relationships. It will wear you out and get worse with time. They have a deep need for control one way or another and you will slowly reach exhaustion. Nobody can constantly be in combat defending what is reasonable. Its slow
My gf tried doing this to me. I told her she could leave. After some discussion, she didn’t want my gaming to take away from us time.
When she explained that, we set a schedule that I would game with friends two nights a week and she’d get me all the rest.
Maybe something like this can work for you guys?
Your fiancé setting a requirement like doubling your salary is ludicrous. Tell her that she will get you full time if she doubles her salary.
My wife is my partner, not a boss who micromanages me.
What you described doesn’t sound healthy. Y’all should sort some shit out so you’re not asking strangers on Reddit for marital advice.
What happens if you go over your allotted hour?
Run
No my Japanese wife is cool.
My Australian wife on the other hand, major bitch.
My Danish wife is also okay. I don’t see her as often as the other two.
Are you playing games instead of doing your share of household chores? One of my wife’s friends was complaining the other day that her husband did fuck all around the house and said “he doesn’t make enough money to not do any household work”.
This sounds like a very specific situation that might be a reflection of some underlying issue. Have you spent any time discussing or trying to understand what is driving this request? Plenty of people see playing video games as something kids do. It’s easy to speculate that she might be worried that her husband to be is focussing on something she sees as childish instead of something she sees as adult, such as career progression. This could be just a badly worded way of getting that idea across. Focus on career and building job prospect and then take time to play.
Or it could be something else entirely.
Try to talk about it and unpack it.
I normally wouldn’t say this but you need to turn that fiance into an ex before you have kids and you have lose access to them.
You’re not even married yet. Imagine what it will be like after 10 years.
Everyone here will say it’s a red flag and leave, you’ll ignore random internet people then vent here in a few years.
Yeah, my ex wife used to say stuff like kind of jokingly. . . Turned out it wasn’t a joke.
Talk about finances now. Decide everything about how you will deal with money now. She might have a very different image of post marriage life than you, so you better clear it up before the day. Also, any issues that are lingering like this before marriage tend to get worse after marriage, not better. Always just find someone who accepts you for who you are now.
My wife would like me to play less video games. My wife would also love me to earn more money.
However, in your situation she’s not your future wife, you’re just her future wallet and the bigger the better.
It often starts as a “joke” while they test the waters. Be very careful.
Tell her you would lover her more if she lost 5 lbs.
I’m Japanese and my husband is British. I have heard that Japanese women are sometimes known to hold finances in households, and some of them are pretty crazy about it. 😅 Probably best to talk to her and ask her if she was being serious or really just joking around. It could have been a misunderstanding. I know I’ve interpreted a lot of my husband’s jokes before negatively, until I found out it wasn’t anything bad.
my japanese wife lets me play as long as i want. if she wants to do something together this has of course a higher priority.
we have seperate finances and we discussed who has to pay certain expenses. we know each others salary but this is in general non of the other persons business.
The OP in 2 years :
“My wife told me I can only see the child if I double my salary”
I’m savoring the future japanlife post already.