Hi everyone,
Sorry if this is not the correct place to post but it doesn’t seem like it’s going against the rules. But my wife and I moved to Tokyo less than a year ago. Our elderly neighbor and I struck up a conversation in the elevator and she invited my wife and I over for tea. It was a very cool night talking with her and her husband and they have invited us to join them for lunch this upcoming Sunday. As a thank you for the tea we were thinking of buying her flowers but wanted to check and see if there is something else we can do to show our appreciation. Also, what is the custom here as far as looking to pay for the upcoming lunch. Where we have moved from it would be considered rude to try and pay for the lunch since we were invited to lunch, but being that they are older(I think in their 70’s) we would like to pay for lunch to show our gratitude for them inviting us in to their home and for lunch. However, I don’t want to offend them. Any insight would be appreciated.
by aspell23
7 comments
Definitely do not try and pay them for lunch, it would be considered rude here as well.
Instead, either bring a small omiyage as a gift to show your appreciation or offer (but definitely check this with the host beforehand) to bring something home-cooked, maybe a side dish or dessert.
Aside from that, just enjoy the lunch and continue being a good neighbor 🙂
Your gratitude is attending lunch and being a kind and respectful neighbour, I’m sure they are just so happy to host you and your partner 🙂
As the other user suggested, don’t try to pay for the lunch, it’s really an unnecessary gesture.
Do NOT try and pay. High end cakes or fruit or flowers are fine. Alcohol also maybe, but the old lad might get stuck in and get into trouble with his wife so maybe avoid that. If there’s something famous from where you’re from (like wine if you’re French) would also be good.
If your wife is Japanese then she will already know this, but if you choose to buy flowers, do NOT buy the bouquets of flowers that are meant for graves that are abundant in every supermarket. I’ve heard many stories of foreigners accidentally buying these for a girlfriend or wife 😅
I’d personally go with snacks from the omiyage snack section of a department store, or from a specialty store.
bring a nice omiyage from somewhere or offer to take them for coffee and dessert after.
As others pointed out be careful with flowers. Personally I haven’t seen too many people giving flowers to friends here. Safest bet would be a sortiment of cookies/sweets from the mall. Nothing too cheap but also not too expensive as it would put pressure to return something.
If you are eating out (wasn’t clear if they invite you over for lunch or out) then would personally do the obligatory getting purse out and oh we can pay and after they said its ok they pay offer to get the coffee after that for everyone. Even though you are not expected to pay it shows manners (don’t understand how many others recommend to not even offer).
If I were one of them, I wouldn’t want too valuable things but slight ones. For your first dining, gift them something they can consume easily like snacks, chocolate or cookies.
More moving gifts could be something related to your country, because it will represent the relationship not only between you and them, but also between Japan and your country. When I became friends with British tourists, they gifted me a package of chocolate produced in UK, which made me happy and moved so much.