Restaurant Anxiety

Hello, I am traveling to Japan soon and want to avoid having all my meals from 7/11 but I am quite an anxious person and would like to know more about eating out. I know this is basic stuff so please don’t judge me, I am embarrassed by how anxious I get and I am trying my best to improve.. I’m nervous about the following;,
1) How do I know if I walk in and take a seat or if I need to wait to be seated?
2) If it is not a tablet ordering system how do I order do I call over the server (how?) or do they come to me
3) If there is no self checkout do I ask for the bill (how?) or wait for a server to come over?
4) If I have already payed, do I just get up and leave my plate or should I wait for it to be cleared?

I will go ichiran as it seems anxiety friendly and as well as yakiniku like and ootoya (tips for these?) but mostly want to explore and find random local places without panicking.

by scaredandl0t

47 comments
  1. 1.- Restaurant staff will guide you to your seat or point you towards where to sit

    2.- Raise you hand and say sumimasen, point at what you want on the menu and say kore kudasai

    3.- Same, raise your hand to get their attention and then you can say “Checku Onegaishimasu” or you can make an X with your fingers

    4.-Unless stated otherwise just leave your plates there, some places ask you to return your plates but they have english signs so it should be pretty obvious. But I never had to wait for the staff to clean my spot so you can just pay and leave.

  2. Just got back!

    On average (excluding restaurants with ticket booths, stalls, etc., i.e. actual restaurants and cafes), this was the experience (with Japanese peppered through, but you don’t have to use it. I enjoyed using Japanese):

    1. Walk in and wave to get a server’s attention.
    2. Server asks how many people. If you don’t know Japanese and want to beat them to it, just hold up your finger indicating one (“hitotsu”) person.
    3. They’ll guide you to your seat and present you with a menu. Most of the time my menu was in Japanese, so I used Google translate’s camera feature which was incredibly easy.
    4. Call the server with the “call server” button on the table or with “sumimasen” or they will come on their own.
    5. Point to what you want: “this please” (“kore onegaishimasu”). “And this please” (“soshite, kore onegaishimasu”). “That’s all.” (“Sore dake desu”). (I used Japanese but they respond well to English with pointing as I observed with other tourists).
    6. Server nods and gets your meal. When your meal arrives, they place the meal in front of you, as well as the receipt upside down. If you don’t get a receipt (which actually never happened to me), just say “check, please” (“okaikei, onegaishimasu”).
    7. Finish eating. Leave your meal at the table (or bring it to designated tray area if it’s more of a fast food place). Bring the receipt to the front.
    8. Pay. “By card.” (“Kaa-do de”). “By cash.” (“Genkin de”).
    9. Say thank you (“arigatou gozaimasu”) and leave.

    Very easy, you can do it!

  3. In general, you’re just one of thousands of foreign tourists who don’t know how to speak Japanese and is their first time in Japan. Customer-facing workers see people like you day in, day out. They know. So don’t worry about it.

    1) it’ll usually be pretty obvious once you walk in. Fast food? You usually seat yourself. Not fast food? Usually someone will come greet you at the door. Is it packed? Then someone will help you or you’ll take a number.

    2) You usually shout “sumimasen” or there’s a button on the table. I think the buttons are getting more common now.

    3) Call the server and ask for the check or bill.

    4) You can look around and see what others do but usually if you brought it to your table then you bus it yourself and if not, then you don’t.

    At the end of the day, you can figure out a lot of what you’re supposed to do by just observing other people and even if you make some sort of faux pax, if you’re not being a complete ass then you’re fine. You’re not giving THEM nearly enough credit in knowing how to deal with tourists.

  4. If you can afford it, I would do a guided food your to get your confidence up and ask a local any questions.

  5. Pretty much everything has been covered in other comments so I’ll add one thing: for you it’s the first time, but for them it’s not. They get lots of tourists in your same situation so don’t overthink it, you’ll be fine. In most places they won’t make you feel uncomfortable. With a few basic Japanese words/expressions, google and pointing you will understand each other.

    And one trick a friend told me that worked for them: join a queue. They know you are waiting in line and you’ll turn will come eventually so the staff will approach you.

  6. For a person struggling with anxiety, these answers suggesting one needs to know all these Japanese phrases are useless and highly misleading. Many, many tourists don’t know any Japanese at all and manage to get by on sign and body language. Some of them even struggle with the lingua franca, and still manage to get by just fine! 

    OP, and this is my advice for anxious tourists anywhere in the world, look around and see what other people are doing, then emulate it. You will never get it perfectly correct, but neither will the people who do Duolingo for a year before visiting Japan. (I often think the latter are prone to do worse.)

  7. 1) If there’s a line outside, it means you usually have to wait to be seated unless you have a prior reservation.

    2) Menu will be given to you automatically, Japanese people are efficient. However sometimes they might forget to bring the English menu, so you can just ask “eigo menyu wa arimaska?”. When you are ready to order just put up your hand and say “sumimasen” or “onegaishimasu”.

    3) Just say “okaige onegaishimasu”. Cash is usually the presumed payment method. But if you want to use card or IC (suica, pasmo) or any other form of digital payment then just say “…. ii desuka”? Fill in the blank with the mode of payment.

    4) If you’re done, pay and get out. Don’t have to wait for servers to clean up.

  8. Ask if they have an English menu. If they do, it’ll make the visit easier. If you see other foreigners in there, hopefully it will reduce your anxiety. Order by pointing to what you want in the menu. If you need the wait staff’s attention, just wave your hand and make eye contact. Service is usually attentive, there is nothing to be scared of by asking for their attention. When you want the bill, just ask for the check. There is no need or expectation for you to try to speak Japanese. Just try to be polite. If you get stuck using basic English and hand gestures, let Google Translate do the work. Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.

    Edit to add: there are a lot of comments advising OP to use basic Japanese words at a restaurant. Perhaps I’m mistaken, but OP is already an anxious person and telling them that they should try to communicate in Japanese will likely induce more anxiety.

    OP, look up restaurant reviews on Google Maps or Trip Advisor and search for the term “English” to see which places have English menus or speak English. Hopefully you will feel comfortable enough by the end of your trip to venture into any restaurant that looks interesting.

  9. In doubt, I always ask at the waiter/waitress when I’m in his/her sight or walk near me.

  10. Unfortunately everything here depends on the restaurant.

    Some restaurants will tell you exactly where to sit, some will let you pick (especially if they are not busy). 

    Some restaurants let you order using a kiosk. Some will give you a menu and you need to order verbally. 

    Like others have said, you are not the only tourist. The staff have met THOUSANDS of tourists in the past. Just yolo it, OP.

  11. You don’t need to worry. I’m in Japan right now and have found people to be very kind and welcoming. Almost everyone speaks enough English for you to get by in a restaurant if you’re worried about speaking Japanese.

    Walk in and wait at the door or at a host stand if there is one. Hold up X fingers or say the number of people. Again most people speak English.

    You’ll probably get an English menu, otherwise use the camera feature on google translate. Point to the menu or order in English.

    Make the check sign when you’re ready to leave. You usually pay at the front of restaurants or at the bar if it’s a small place.

    You can say sumimasen at any time to get someone’s attention.

  12. 1. Usually the waiter will come and ask how many people (nan mei sama desi ka), tu can reply on English and show the number with your finger at the same time. Then they would usually bring you to a seat or tell you to sit where you want (suki na seki dozo). They can even skip asking you how many people and tell you to sit where you want. Sometimes there is a ticket machine and you would have to buy the ticket before they seat you. If it’s fast-food where you pick food at the counter, you choose your seat.

    2. There is many places that just have a button on the counter so you press to call them, they often show you when there is one, otherwise the local way to do it is say sumimasen, but if you can catch the attention of a waiter and wave as them they will come.

    3. Most of the time they put a paper on the table, sometimes rolled in a tube, sometimes on a clipboard, sometimes it’s just a number, sometimes nothing. Anyway you just go to the register with the paper (or thing they left at the table) and give it to the water.

    4. Yes, you leave. You often won’t see the waiter unless you call them, they won’t come to ask you if everything is ok.

    Extra tip, use Google translate to make communication easier.

  13. Japan is not as different as you may think it is. You most likely don’t need to speak Japanese for one thing, you’re going to be in a restaurant that serves people every day, you follow pretty normal conventions. If you make a mistake unless you do something like eating soup with a fork there is very little that is so different from any other eatery. Fast food is like fast food in the west, if going to a coffee shop or eatery scares you you can ahways go to a fast food like McD or my favorite MOS. Also supermarkets are amazing, forget eating from convenience stores.

  14. Go to yoshinoya, order from the machine, give the the guy your ticket, don’t talk to anyone, this is Japan, you don’t need to talk to anyone in Japan if you don’t want to.

  15. I’m saving this for my trip later on this year. Though tbh 7/11 is more than enough for me, their food is simply delicious

  16. Honestly if the place doesn’t require reservations staff will usually come out to help you regardless, even at the vending machine order restaurants they’ll come out and assist! “Sumimasen” will be your best friend in trying to get someone’s attention if that’s the only Japanese phrase you think you can muster. Hand signs and translation apps are great, I use DeepL when needed

  17. It’s really not the difficulty you’re imagining it to be, remember that the Japanese people working in hospitality are incredible accommodating and friendly. It’s generally not enormously different to other countries.

    There is no tipping, restaurants are often specialised and you usually pay at the cashier when leaving.

    Bill is “o kaikee” or “o kanjo” but they’ll understand you from context or in English anyway.

    Just go , relax and enjoy, the food is mind-blowing.

  18. First of all, try to practise eating out alone in your own home town.

    1. Walk inside the door and the staff will guide you to a seat.

    2. The staff wil come to you.

    3. You can simply say “check”. The staff will bring it to you or point you to the cash register.

    4. When you are finished, you can leave.

    This link may be useful for you.

    [https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2040.html](https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2040.html)

  19. Google lens was a life saver when there was no English menu available.

  20. Concerning point 3: the waiter brings the bill simultaneously with the food. It was like that most of the time.

  21. Restaurants can vary a lot.

    It seems like many places have a ticket machine to order in the front of the restaurant. This can be Japanese & English. But some maybe only Japanese.

    Lots of chain restaurants have iPad ordering. This is usually in multi-language interfaces.

    Some mom-and-pop shops will order through direct contact.

  22. When i ask for bill this is what I do

    Smile, say hello wave my hand, and make a “writing on palm” hand sign. It is a universal hand sign at least in Asia.

  23. It’s crazy to overthink and overprepare that much of your experience, don’t you want to let the things happen ?

  24. I honestly just winged it while I was there. Just know basic phrases and be respectful.

  25. There’s great advice here! Sukiya is similar to Ichiran in the sense that it’s pretty stress free. Plus the food is great and it’s a popular chain with a lot of locations!

    That being said, can anyone recommend similar low interaction restaurants?

  26. 1. Use Google Translate and body language for ordering
    2. Pay with creditdebit card, I found paying using cash give me coin, and coin give more anxiety to use then paper bill (counting, remembering the digit etc)
    3. Your card better be supporting contactless, I found few merchants not asking for pin but signature, and sometimes their machine failed on 1 bank but work with other so have 2 for back up.
    4. When in doubt, attack first. Most server actually know basic English (this, that, pay, where) some rare one even proficient at English, I found that by sayin what I want before they speak in Japanese help lessen my anxiety since if the server don’t know English we both be panicking, and if the server proficient it’s a godsend.

    And to add on my experience, when the worker on konbini or restaurant is foreigners but not westerners, pls act under assumptions they don’t know English

  27. My pro move when I’m traveling is walk in, look very confused for a minute, make eye contact with someone, if they ignore you, run away!

    In actually, just got back from Japan, would walk in somewhere, if there wasn’t a “wait to be seated sign” I would make eye contact with a server and hold up the number of finger of people and get shown to a table.

  28. 1. Depends on the type of restaurant of course. Generally, if you go to the last floor of a mall, you have to put your name on a waiting list or wait at the entrance if there’s no one.

    2. If the restaurant has a tablet to order, it’s very likely there’ll be an English version of the menu. If there’s a tablet, you just order from there. Most restaurants have buttons to call the server if you need something. Very convenient.

    3. You can certainly ask for the bill or go straight to the till.

    4. You can leave whenever you want once you’ve paid. No need to wait.

    5. No one will judge you if you make a mistake, unless you put the restaurant on fire. You will make etiquette mistakes. A lot. Don’t worry about it, as we all do.

  29. Not sure if someone commented this already, but on my trip my friend was exploring a hobby shop in a mall that I wasn’t interested in and decided to get food in the mall. Every restaurant was packed and had a waitlist that people added themselves to, and I walked around starving for way too long because I was stressed about adding my English name to the waitlist full of Japanese names. Eventually I picked somewhere and added my name, and the guy seating people saw my name then just looked for the non-Japanese person and it was all fine even though he definitely didn’t know how to pronounce it. Just thought I’d share in case you run into the same thing! 

  30. OP, I get you soooo much. I am struggling with crippling social anxiety, which used to cause me so much frustration (and even self-loathing). On my first solo trip to Japan I was literally too afraid to enter a cafe or a restaurant. All my meals were from 7/11 or Lawson, and even visiting those was a bit of a challenge (“What if they ask me something I don’t understand?”) I watched hundreds of videos of “conbini phrases”, “restaurant etiquette”, and so on… which only made my anxiety significantly worse. Because videos like “Here are 50 easy phrases you MUST KNOW before you visit a conbini” are not helpful at all.

    Answering your questions:

    1. Don’t overthink it. You will know when you enter. If no one comes to meet you and take you to your seat – you just do it yourself. In places like that the staff will often point at the seat and you will see it. Most “restaurants” will have someone to take you to your seat. Most “fast food” or ramen places won’t. You will figure it out. If you are too nervous, wait for someone else to enter the place and watch them, then do the same.

    2. Some places (like ramen/don shops) have a ticket machine at the entrance. You order there and then just hand over the ticket. Otherwise, the staff will take your order. There’s usually a button to call the staff or you can just raise your hand and establish an eye contant to attract attention (a “sumimasen” will help too). Again, it’s nothing to be afraid of – you will figure it out.

    3. Usually you ask. You don’t have to learn to ask for it in Japanese if you don’t want to, just make a writing motion with your hands and say “bill please”, they will understand. Japanese people understand enough English even if they don’t feel confident speaking it. Also, it’s trivial to understand what the customer is asking after eating, it’s not rocket science. Unless they bring you the bill immediately together with your food – in that case you just take the bill to the counter. They will see and come to take the payment from you.

    4. Usually you just leave. The only exception is the “food court” type of restaurants and some fast food places like McD’s where you will have trays for your dishes. You will see it very easily.

    I know it’s not easy, but you just need to stop overthinking it. People in Japan have seen thousands of foreigners. They know you probably don’t speak the language or know all the details of life in Japan. They don’t expect you to know everything.

    Don’t repeat my mistakes and don’t try to over-research everything to the extent of ruining your experience (because you become too anxious). Wing it. Just visit some stores and restaurants. Just smile and be respectful, and you will be fine 99% of time. And those 1%? Who cares, it’s a cafe – just leave and go to another one. No one really cares. If you make a mistake – no one will remember it in a few minutes, and they will probably never see you again anyway.

  31. It’s been a awhile so I don’t remember specifics, but if it makes you feel better , I just winged it when I went to restaurants and my whole time there it went just as smoothly as if I went to restaurants in the US.

    I don’t remember having any confusion or mixups or even slightly awkward situations and I had no idea what I was doing.

    The biggest difference was that you call over the server by saying excuse me and or waving to them rather than having to psychically link with them like we do in the US. You don’t tip. It’s not as common to customize your order, if you don’t like something, just take it off yourself.

    Nothing else really stands out in my memory. It was surprisingly similar to home.

  32. You’re overthinking it. You’re a foreigner. Most places will treat you like a baby because they know you most likely don’t know any Japanese or customs. I know you’re anxious, but don’t let that be a barrier that prevents you from experiencing some of the best restaurants Japan has to offer

  33. Just back from Japan and it was really simple to order food. Probably my favorite thing to do.

    7/11 is amazing. I miss the food from that place.

  34. Google translate with camera feature is amazing. Also you can try one of those restaurants where you pick what you want using a machine before you go into the restaurant. Anxiety is common and the best way to address it is head on. Don’t worry people are very helpful. Good luck and enjoy!

  35. I have pretty bad social anxiety and eating out alone in japan is so much easier than in my home country (Germany).

    Firstly, there is pretty much always seating for one person, either facing a wall, or at least with a screen so you can eat in peace.

    Secondly, when you enter a restaurant you usually either get a ticket from a ticket machine, or there is a counter where people order things, or pretty much the moment you enter the restaurant someone is going to ask you how many people and will tell you where to sit.

    When ordering with the ticket machine, you have to give that ticket to someone, or sometimes your number will be called and you have to go to a counter.

    Thirdly, no tips, so no having to stress about the appropriate amount.

    Fourthly, paying is super easy, if you order via machine or counter you already paid, and with table service you can usually just go to the register somewhere near the entrance and the waiter will notice and take your money.

  36. Some people here are being quite mean and not understanding of you asking for help, for which I’m sorry.

    I just returned from a week and a half in Tokyo and didn’t go into any restaurants for the first 3 days–eating out of 7/11–because I was too anxious about the language and cultural differences myself and from my own experience “just do it and experience it” was wildly unhelpful advice because my anxiety was still there trapping me. I get it–it’s hard because you don’t know and you can’t speak to anyone to ask because language barriers, or that’s what it was for me.

    I will say, OP, that it is scary at first, but you can do it. People are generally super nice and understanding there. In my experience, if you are nervous about going in and ordering, look for places where menus have English writing just underneath the Japanese, because they expect tourists to go in and often can understand/speak some basic English. If you get more comfortable, you can try branching out bc even places speaking no English were kind and understanding and worked mostly the same. Just make sure the English is WITH the Japanese and not separate because some may upcharge us English speaking folk (I used Google translate for most menus when no English was available)

    Most places I went to were wait until seated. They often have signs saying so. I didn’t go to any place that was self seat, but usually someone would see me and help if it wasn’t and I wasn’t aware.

    Water is brought with every meal, though you won’t always get a fork–more English friendly places will likely only give you a fork. Sushi you can eat with your fingers

    Many places will give you a sanitary wet cloth, this is for before eating to wipe your hands, but not your neck and face.

    Most places, the staff would walk up to me to ask what I wanted to order rather than waiting, but generally they would only ask me once and bring over the check and I never had the stomach space or confidence to ask for more. Honestly, they seemed kind enough that it would not be an issue.

    The check was always paid for at a register by the door where I went (unless it was a paid up front type of place, but it’ll prompt you). Most of the time I’d have the check by the time I was done, but there’s nothing wrong with crossing your fingers or asking for the check (it’s literally chekku) when they come by. Just make sure you know if they take your credit card if that’s how you plan to pay–I always had some good yen in cash on me in case they didn’t (barely had this issue, just once off the beaten path).

    No Japanese is truly needed for any of these things, even if they speak no English it goes a long way to point with please and thank you in English. That being said, basics have been mentioned above and even attempting a small bit of Japanese often went far for me! Also, depending on the atmosphere, plain enthusiasm was my biggest bet when I felt more comfortable.

    Going on a food walking tour thing early on, that someone else recommended, actually sounds like a great plan, but you can also practice at the convenience stores 🙂 they were all so nice there even without English as well and I found it less nerve wracking at the beginning. Don’t forget you can ask to heat up food!

    I wish you best OP, you got this!!! It can be scary, but the people ARE nice and understanding and the food is worth it. I made many mistakes in restaurants while I was there, personally, but everyone was very very kind (if not flustered) when it happened. In my experience, they felt worse about not speaking English than anything else in those cases.

  37. 1. I just entered and waited a few feet from the door, they gestured me to where I should go
    2. Get their attention by talking to them like a quick “summimasen”
    3. Usually I just grabbed a server’s attention and said something like “check onegaishimasu”
    4. I always paid and left

  38. >If there is no self checkout do I ask for the bill (how?) or wait for a server to come over?

    at the restaurants I went to when I first visited Japan 5 years ago, they would drop the receipt off at the same time they delivered food. The places I went to were casual eateries though so it might be different with more expensive restaurants.

  39. Minimal words spoken guide

    – Enter
    – Hold up fingers for number of people
    – Follow waiter/waitress, sit, and look at menu
    – Raise hand and/or say “sumimasen”
    – Point at what you want, and use number of fingers to indicate how many of that item
    – Check will usually be placed on table when you receive food
    – Enjoy food
    – Take check towards cash register
    – Take out cash or card to pay
    – Say “arigatō gozaimasu” and leave

  40. Toyko you should have no problem. I was just there and got to Nagoya two hours ago. it’s more difficult to find English speaker. However, just Google translate. they are mostly very friendly and helpful. Learn a few simple phrases goes a long way.

  41. Japan is super used to foreigners. I know essentially no Japanese and what I do I don’t use (anxiety).

    I walk in to a place and unless it’s an obvious fast food restaurant I wait to be seated. If a server looks at me I hold up a finger to show one person and they show me to a seat.

    Google translate camera feature is a life saver if they don’t give you an English menu and sometimes even when they do.

    Your ordering options are ordering on a tablet or with the server and there’s either a call button or you can wait and they’ll come back round or try and grab their attention.

    Point to whatever you want on the menu to order.

    Same for the bill if you haven’t paid before hand they’ll either bring out the bill with your food or you can get their attention.

    Most places have a basic understanding of English so yes, no, bill etc.

    It really is super easy. And if you have trouble communicating just simplify what you’re trying to say or type it into google translate. It might not phrase it the “polite and formal” way but from my experience everyone happy to help.

  42. I’m going on my 8th trip in September and I still get anxious. I don’t really have any advice, though, just letting you know there are others like you out there. 

  43. We stayed near a Life supermarket and the food was amazing and cheap and better than 7/11, check it out. We wanted to save our money for travel, sightseeing and souvenirs, so the supermarket food on offer was amazing, check it out as another option.

  44. In Japan now, I’ve only been learning for like 6 months so I still have rough speech. Most Japanese people I’ve come across are extremely kind and understanding, and are genuinely just happy you’re trying. Having said that, have Google translate ready and download the Japanese pack to help with things if you get stuck. I also have a lot of anxiety in general, so I understand your feelings.

    As for the specific questions:

    1) it’ll usually be very obvious, but I always walked in and made eye contact with the person greeting (irasshaimase) and they usually put 2 and 2 together and directed me to where to go.

    2) your best friend is sumimasen. It is not seen as rude at all. I’m coming from America and it would be seen as rude there to yell across the restaurant, but here not so much. At nicer/fine dining places, just raise your hand and make eye contact, that’s usually enough to have them come over. As for what you want, “Kore onegaishimasu” and point at it.

    3) same way to get attention as before (sumimasen/eye contact etc) and “okaikei onegaishimasu ” to ask for the bill. It’s common that you don’t pay at the table and instead bring that bill to the front cashier to pay.

    4) sit down restaurant, you usually just leave it there when you go to pay. Most cases you just leave it tbh, in some more “cheaper” places you might bus your stuff

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