There's a guy I used to date a while back who works in the Navy and is stationed at a base in Tokyo. I'm scared he or his friends will find this post so I will try to keep it as anonymous as possible. (for extra info, I am a Japanese citizen).
We got together a while back and I quickly realized he had a lot of personal issues–it was fine with me in the beginning as I tried to be understanding but it quickly turned into verbal and physical abuse every time he drank. I decided to cut things off with him 2-3 months after, but it didn't sit right with him and he kept trying to contact me for months on different platforms. The last time we truly spoke was the summer of last year when he called drunk at 6 in the morning to repeatedly ask me why I broke up with him and proceeded to insult me and say vile things until I hung up on him.
I have two main issues. The first is that he put his hands on me at a club I was at with friends last year, where I was just trying to have a good time and ignore his presence. He kept trying to speak to me so I gave in (I know, I was being too nice) to try and explain for the last time why I broke up with him (I cut things off through messages as I could not meet him at the time of the breakup), only for him to shove the shit out of me and scream in my face. I couldn't go anywhere else at that moment so I stuck with my friends and went back to the table they were at, only for him (his friends were also using the table) to try to kick me out by screaming again in my face and grabbing my arm to try and drag me out. His own friend got in between us to calm him down while I screamed back at him to not touch me and the staff got involved and told him to also step out for a moment to take a breather. After that I made sure to avoid running into him again when going home.
My second issue is that he's been trying really hard to befriend my male friends who he had a problem with when we were together. He was extremely jealous any time I spoke to men in front of him, even if they were my own friends, and would talk shit about them to me continuously. The moment I broke up with him, he contacted the same men to try and schedule meet-ups and business collaborations as well as be friends with them and go out drinking together. He's been hanging around the same spots he knows I like to go to (the same bars, the same group of friends I used to hang out with and introduced him to, and the same clubs). It's freaking me out and making me feel like he's actively trying to run into me again. He knows where I live and I am moving next week to finally feel like I can be safe again in my own home without having to worry about him getting drunk and making his way to my place out of the blue.
(I understand that my "friends" who decide to hang out with him despite knowing everything he did to me are not my true friends, but that's not the main focus here so I'll spare that conversation for another time.)
That being said, I want to report him but I'm not familiar with the procedures to be able to do that. I was told to call the base, but I don't know who to ask for or how to go about everything. I am really anxious about the whole situation and would appreciate any type of advice so I can properly go about this without having it turn into a bigger burden in my life.
Thank you!!
Edit: I want to thank all of you who responded to my post with kindness and patience. I'm currently thinking carefully about how to proceed with this situation using the advice I was given, who to contact, and what to gather. Thank you for reading everything thoroughly and helping me out (:
I posted the same story to r/navy and got horrendous responses from a lot of individuals stating my story is fake, that I am the one who's obsessed with my ex, that what happened to me is baseless, and that I need therapy. Safe to say I'm glad I posted on here too so I could get helpful advice. Once again, I really appreciate it!
by Rando-hunch
