Wives/partners who moved to Japan for Husband’s/partner’s job

8 comments

1. This is a copy of your post for archive/search purposes.

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   **Wives/partners who moved to Japan for Husband’s/partner’s job**

   Hi there! I have a question for all the wives/partners out there who moved to Japan because their husband’s got a job there.

   My husband got offered an amazing job/tech position in Tokyo and he’s heavily considering taking it. While I do think that it would be wonderful and I’m fully supportive of whatever decision he makes and also making the move there, I have questions about what my life would look like there and for my career. We’re both 28 no kids for context.

   I currently work for a non-profit as a public health researcher. I DOUBT that I would be able to find anything remotely like that in Japan (in particular because I know very very minimal Japanese, although willing to learn), so I was considering asking my current company if I can do any asynchronous/remote work if we did decide to move to Japan. Is that something anyone has done? What might be some other options for me?

   Second, what are some major things that wives (or anyone really) have had to overcome with leaving their careers to move to Japan for their partner’s work, or just new lifestyle in general?

   Thank you!

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2. There may not be too many options but the DoD has a decent amount of job posting near Tokyo, some of which are supporting heath related things at military bases etc.

3. Oof tough call. You’d be changing, if not losing, your career you’ve worked to get.

   Is that something you’d be willing to do? Not only that, but also leaving behind family (?) and friends, plus adjusting to a new culture….

   It is a VERY big decision….. reflect carefully before deciding, and make sure to do what YOU want to do.

4. You can do remote work but keep in mind you’re limited to part time hours (up to 28 hours) on a dependent visa. You need to ask immigration for permission to do that and keep proper proof that you did not go over 28 hours.

   English teaching might be your only other option outside of remote jobs, but it is a minimum wage job basically. Even full time you’ll not be making much. Finances should be something you two are very clear on. He’ll be supporting you 70-90% even if you work some part time job/English teaching. But Japan is cheap-ish so that shouldn’t be too bad.

   Your husband would make decent money in tech, so lifestyle wise you would probably be doing better than many others. Your apartment would be smaller than the west and Tokyo is super crowded in case you’re not used to that. It can be overwhelming.

   As for moving… Well, I moved for my husband, although he’s Japanese. I don’t speak enough Japanese yet and the struggle is real. Can’t really have a career here as what I did back home didn’t transfer. But I love my husband so I followed my heart. 😅 It’s difficult, I miss my family and have no friends here yet. Not sure what I’ll do in terms of work either. And tbh if my husband had some chance to do well in my country, I’d have preferred that instead.

5. What country are you from? I moved over for work (they sponsored visa) and then-husband applied for and got a working holiday visa, valid for 6 months, able to extend twice.

   He worked remotely for his old company for a couple of months and then found a job in Japan. When it came to renew the visa, his Japanese job sponsored him for a work visa.

   We are from Australia. There are a few other countries that have this visa arrangement with Japan (not the US). You just need to be 30 or younger. A degree helps too if you want to find work in Japan afterwards.

6. Ask your company. Maybe if you can see they aren’t willing to do that, maybe negotiate a lower pay. Japan’s cost of living at the moment is lower than the states

7. My wife left her career for effectively a 90% pay cut.

   It was hard, I invited her to Japan when it came to come back, I offered to support her 100% if she came understanding the difficulty of leaving everything behind. I understood I was asking a lot of her, I was effectively asking her to give up her entire life FOR ME.

   She really enjoyed the first 6 months, we had lots of visitors who came and family and the first six months for her was like a vacation since I already had a house and everything before she came here. So she didn’t have to go thru an awkward move in phase. I also already had multiple friends and I spoke the language.

   The problems started about 6-12 months in. She became really depressed. Once the honymoon was over and she realized she spent 90% of her day sitting inside an apartment she started to get really depressed.

   Her friends started reaching out less and less, friends and family all got their trips out of them, the yen made it so we couldn’t afford to visit home 2x a year anymore. She really started to spiral because she couldn’t find anything that was rewarding career wise like she did back at home.

   I pretty much had to send her home for a month to recharge, get things back on straight. It wasn’t the money, we could pay all our bills and go on trips. But when you are 2x years old with no kids it’s soul rotting to sit inside all day if you are ambitious.

   I eventually started reaching out to art studios and eventually found her one that would hire her part time knowing her Japense skills but I could cover for her with all the language barrier if critically needed.

   Things are better, but I know she’s not the same as back in the states. It really adds a lot of effort to the SO because I have to be very careful not to stress her out or blame her for certain things, or get upset when something’s not done because, well, I put her in the situation, it was my choice and she’s paying for it.

   You need to be 100001% sure your relationship is amazingly solid, your husband is in great mental shape because it will be hard for him too, and that you are ready to maybe sacrifice everything you have worked for for HIM

8. As an ex-expat with a wife, and also knowing other expats to Japan and elsewhere, I can tell you that from my experience the prognosis isn’t good.

   Trailing spouse syndrome is a thing. My wife adjusted ok; she’s very social, and we also had a small child which was the glue that held her and other moms (that spoke a bit of English) in the neighborhood together. But I also think she is a rare case, and once our daughter was born in the states, she aspired to be a SAHM anyway. We were in Japan for about two years until my contract was up. We could have stayed longer, but she wasn’t so enamored of Japan that she would want to.

   Aside from us, I personally know: one couple that divorced over a move to Japan, two that divorced over moves to other countries, and one that barely kept their marriage going, but survived. In all cases it was the wife following the husband.

   Take it for what it’s worth. These are just anecdotal, but they are fact.