This happened a year ago and I still think about it. When I was in Tokyo, I went to a McDonald's for lunch, and went to use the restroom there.
I came out of the stall and saw several teenage girls by the sinks, comforting a girl who was crying. I washed my hands and planned on just leaving, but I couldn't help but feel bad for the crying girl.
I asked her "daijobudesuka?" to which she and her friends looked a bit startled, but she nodded at me and then I left.
Was it wrong or impolite of me to ask her if she was okay? I realize I was coming from a place of worry but I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable.
by leahgracie
17 comments
I don’t think it was wrong. I’m sure they just didn’t expect you to say anything.
[deleted]
There’s nothing wrong with just asking a person if they’re okay.
Humans are social animals. We survive by looking out for one another.
I mean, I definitely wouldn’t have said anything but it’s whatever.
No you were not wrong. They were probably just surprised/startled that anyone else (yet alone Japanese speaking gaijin) would talk to them.
One time, I was walking behind a couple where the man was seemingly harassing the woman. I went beside her to ask her is she was okay and she gave me the most surprised look ever as if I suddenly grew another head right in front of her. She said “yes” and then I could hear them laughing as I was walking away. I’d rather have that and embarrass myself than not to help a woman potentially in danger.
This is considered rude in Japan.
That’s a nice gesture. I think many of us won’t expect that so getting confused for a second sounds very natural to me. Like I bet for a moment they had to process what you meant even though it should be obvious.
There definitely are people who does exactly what you did time to time, but let’s say it’s not nearly as often as it is in America in my experience.
Well if you look at it from her perspective, she probably went into the bathroom to cry because she didn’t want to cause a scene and attract attention to herself. She probably also wasn’t looking for a stranger to comfort her because it’s uncommon in Japanese culture to look for emotional support outside of your immediate circle and she already had her friends there. So I don’t think you crossed any lines, but it probably would’ve been a jarring experience for them.
Most probably they were just surprised by the random act of kindness.
It’s not wrong. It’s just that most Japanese people wouldn’t ask and you being foreign was startling. But I don’t think you offended anyone
The only wrong thing was that you eating at McDonald’s
One year???? For real? And still think of that? Wow!
Like how often do you think about it?
I don’t think what you did was wrong but like others have said it might have been very surprising for her. And in an extreme it may have had the opposite effect of what you were trying to accomplish.
After living here myself, I have personally seen a culture where people try not to involve others in their problems, especially strangers. It’s part of the meiwaku culture where involving others could be seen as rude and they would rather hide these things.
I would probably tend towards how you reacted in the situation but in an effort to not disturb what Japanese people are used to it might have been better not to say anything. Especially because her friends were already there for her and she might not find any comfort in a stranger then also joining in. I don’t think she would outright find it rude or anything but she might just see it as a foreigner doing foreign things, which in the end probably doesn’t provide her any comfort anyway.
Though really I’m just giving another perspective. I have no clue what would be best. Also really depends on what kind of person she was but that we will probably never know.
i was walking late at night and heard really loud screaming and fighting and slamming from an apartment and after a while a crying lady quickly walked away, and i asked the same, i think its just human
Not necessarily an uncomfortable situation, just surprising. She already had her friends around her, so personally I don’t think there was any need to say anything. I mean really, what did you expect her to say besides OK?
If she had been crying by herself in the toilet, then I suppose it would be different, as long as you could actually speak and understand Japanese, otherwise it would be pretty pointless
Hope this is a joke.
I don’t think it’s wrong I think she didn’t expect it, specially since in Japan people don’t really talk to strangers u less your a tourist