やっほ～！Heya!
I am writing a tanka for my father as a present and am not sure how loose and stylistic I can be with the grammar, if you have time I would welcome any criticisms/comments.
In particular, I want to try and get the second setsu to 7.
もろ帆綱
微風に鳴く
岸に沿い
ともに漂し
夕之丘へと
もろほづな
びふうになく
きしにぞい
ともにただよし
ゆうのおかへと
I am not sure I can end 漂う with a poetic し in this manner, do you think it’s ok?
Thank you for your help and suggestions!
3 comments
A friend has suggested そよ風に鳴く as an alternative.
[deleted]
Sorry about this, but what’s a “poetic し”?