My boss and I are very friendly. She’s taken me out for dinner a couple times and we’ve visited nearby attractions together. She’s got a proper sweet tooth, for example she always gets a dessert when we’re out, and always asks me to pick up red bean taiyaki if I pass this certain shop.
However… She can be a little odd sometimes so I’m not sure if this is because of that, or a culture difference regarding gifts so I’d appreciate some input.
I bought her a little box of some very high quality biscuits I knew she’d like. She likes biscuits with her evening tea so I figured she’d love these. Simply as a kind gesture. I left them on her desk but she didn’t acknowledge them until I pointed them out a couple hours into the day. Then she didn’t really say thank you she kinda just said “thanks” and looked away as she said it. Later she kept pushing me to eat them, but I fast during my working hours so I said no thank you.
This was a week and a half ago and she’s left the biscuits on her desk and not taken them home. I peeped at them yesterday and they’re missing two and sat there.
I find it quite rude she’s not taken them home, but I’m wondering if there’s some culture difference I’m not aware of?
5 comments
How did you give them to her? If you just left them on her desk without a word then it may not be clear that they were a gift *for her*. You’re supposed to make a show of handing them over and saying “it’s really nothing, but if you don’t mind…” etc. Who knows.
Yes, individual gifts in the office like this are pretty rare, especially if you didn’t make it personal by handing it to her yourself. I think she may be keeping it in the office to avoid giving you any wrong ideas.
IMO it’s a bit more strange that she didn’t make it a communal office gift and share with everyone else.
But I wouldn’t take it as rude. If she wanted that, you would have found the entire box in the trash.
Well, think a little. If she comes home with a box of sweets and tells her husband the gaijin at work gave me a box of sweets how do you think that will go down?
Don’t give gifts to only one person in the office. It looks bad. If you bring a gift, bring something for everyone in the office.
If you want to give just one person a gift, do it in private. Pretty common unspoken rule here.
She left them out so other people can take them so it doesn’t look like you’re excluding the rest of your office.
Even my girlfriend, now wife, got angry when I gave her a birthday gift (chocolates) while we were out to dinner with our friends. So this applies to casual situations too.
Personally, I wouldn’t give my boss a gift unless they’d done something extra special at a personal level and shouting a coffee would probably be as far as I would go. Birthday or work anniversary is a good time to give a gift, but best done from a group.
It’s very difficult to suggest without knowing more about the workplace and your relationship as to reasons for her reaction. She might be playing it cool if you gave it her in the office – others might see it as brown-nosing, even if that wasn’t anywhere near the intention. She might feel obligated to give you something back in return and doesn’t want to be seen as favouring you.
It may not mean she doesn’t appreciate it, just unsure how to react. She could be waiting to thank you properly outside the work environment.
Or it could just be her style.
Difficult to say.