I want to start this off with some disclaimers.
I’ve been an ALT for one year. I teach in elementary and middle schools. When I’m in the classroom, I’m friendly but professional. I get along with the kids well. I get along with my JTEs.
During the spring, we had really good numbers. I was excited because before me, my predecessor was pretty bad. The kid’s English level was just about non existent.
I always am trying to remember every student’s name, but I’ll admit it’s difficult. They all wear their hair the same, always wear masks, etc. i recognize their handwriting but sometimes it’s hard to remember everyone’s names on the fly, but I’m really trying hard because it’s one of my shortcomings.
Recently my relationship with my students is suffering. I attribute it mostly to the lack of games in class. My JTEs have ramped up their worksheet + textbook reliance and games are more and more rare. Recently they played a review game i made when i wasn’t even there because of time constraints. It’s fine but i think the students are starting to like me less and less. It’s disheartening because last semester we had much better relationships.
I know that I’m not there to be their friend or anything, I’m there to teach English. But it’s not secret that having a good rapport with students improves interest in the respective subject.
Additionally I feel like I’m always receiving criticism from my coworkers. I work hard and supply so many materials. I prepare things i won’t even use. Assets just for my JTEs. Yet there is very little leeway for me and I’m just getting tired of it always being something.
I don’t need asspats and lots of praise for everything. I’m fine with not even a thank you. It’s just difficult when I’m always working so hard but it doesn’t seem to matter.
Today I was just totally unplugged while in class. I didn’t smile or talk with the kids like usual. A couple students said i was Genki ja nai… but idk. I work so hard for the kids. I care about them all. I’m just feeling disheartened today. It’s like I just want to stop doing everything i always do and show everyone how much it does matter, even if they don’t think it does. If I’m not talking and smiling and laughing, if I’m not making assets, if I totally step back and just become a warm body that can speak English, maybe then they’d appreciate everything. I just feel like giving up right now. I know i don’t really want to, but i wonder what the heck happened to my relationships with the kids…
I just needed to vent here. Idk if anyone relates but i was so angry today
by ComprehensiveUse9816