There's a guy I used to date a while back who works in the Navy and is stationed at a base in Tokyo. I'm scared he or his friends will find this post so I will try to keep it as anonymous as possible. (for extra info, I am a Japanese citizen).
We got together a while back and I quickly realized he had a lot of personal issues–it was fine with me in the beginning as I tried to be understanding but it quickly turned into verbal and physical abuse every time he drank. I decided to cut things off with him 2-3 months after, but it didn't sit right with him and he kept trying to contact me for months on different platforms. The last time we truly spoke was the summer of last year when he called drunk at 6 in the morning to repeatedly ask me why I broke up with him and proceeded to insult me and say vile things until I hung up on him.
I have two main issues. The first is that he put his hands on me at a club I was at with friends last year, where I was just trying to have a good time and ignore his presence. He kept trying to speak to me so I gave in (I know, I was being too nice) to try and explain for the last time why I broke up with him (I cut things off through messages as I could not meet him at the time of the breakup), only for him to shove the shit out of me and scream in my face. I couldn't go anywhere else at that moment so I stuck with my friends and went back to the table they were at, only for him (his friends were also using the table) to try to kick me out by screaming again in my face and grabbing my arm to try and drag me out. His own friend got in between us to calm him down while I screamed back at him to not touch me and the staff got involved and told him to also step out for a moment to take a breather. After that I made sure to avoid running into him again when going home.
My second issue is that he's been trying really hard to befriend my male friends who he had a problem with when we were together. He was extremely jealous any time I spoke to men in front of him, even if they were my own friends, and would talk shit about them to me continuously. The moment I broke up with him, he contacted the same men to try and schedule meet-ups and business collaborations as well as be friends with them and go out drinking together. He's been hanging around the same spots he knows I like to go to (the same bars, the same group of friends I used to hang out with and introduced him to, and the same clubs). It's freaking me out and making me feel like he's actively trying to run into me again. He knows where I live and I am moving next week to finally feel like I can be safe again in my own home without having to worry about him getting drunk and making his way to my place out of the blue.
(I understand that my "friends" who decide to hang out with him despite knowing everything he did to me are not my true friends, but that's not the main focus here so I'll spare that conversation for another time.)
That being said, I want to report him but I'm not familiar with the procedures to be able to do that. I was told to call the base, but I don't know who to ask for or how to go about everything. I am really anxious about the whole situation and would appreciate any type of advice so I can properly go about this without having it turn into a bigger burden in my life.
Thank you!!
Edit: I want to thank all of you who responded to my post with kindness and patience. I'm currently thinking carefully about how to proceed with this situation using the advice I was given, who to contact, and what to gather. Thank you for reading everything thoroughly and helping me out (:
I posted the same story to r/navy and got horrendous responses from a lot of individuals stating my story is fake, that I am the one who's obsessed with my ex, that what happened to me is baseless, and that I need therapy. Safe to say I'm glad I posted on here too so I could get helpful advice. Once again, I really appreciate it!
by Rando-hunch
29 comments
Japanese Navy or US Navy?
I’m no expert but it seems that if it the US Navy then call one of the numbers on this page: https://cnrj.cnic.navy.mil/Installations/CFA-Yokosuka/Departments/Security/
Just tell them that you would like to register a complaint.
Or if you are more comfortable write a letter to them. Say you would like them to issue a A Military Protective Order (MPO) to prevent the guy from contacting you anymore.
https://www.servicememberscivilreliefact.com/blog/military-protective-order/
Sounds like he would qualify to be detained?
046-816-0911 this is the number to the Yokosuka Police station. They may be able to point you in the right direction.
Try r/navy.
Remove yourself from all possible situations where you might meet this person. Absolute no contact.
Report the case to local police if you don’t feel safe (stalking, threat, etc).
Don’t tolerate any abuse minor or major.
Keep your true friends updated about your whereabouts and stay safe.
You need to report the harrassment first and foremost to a Japanese police headquarters, not a koban, go directly to a station.
Once you have a case number from Japanese police, then report it to the Yokosuka base security and give them the Japanese police case.
Here is the link:
https://installations.militaryonesource.mil/military-installation/commander-fleet-activities-yokosuka/military-and-family-support-center/family-advocacy-program
Give this program a call and they will guide you through all the procedures. They have people that speak Japanese.
Make sure you have all evidence in place. Screen shots, multiple witnesses, etc ready.
First thing you should do is contact JPS. Give his name and any identification that you have. First and last name will help a lot to find him in the system. Once reported with JPS, they will contact the Navy base liason in regards to the incident. After that it will bring up investigation and find that persons command. From their it the command will handle it. Also it would help if you know what base he is atsugi or yokosuka or yokohama. More information you give JPS the better. Sorry that it happened to you. I’m in the Navy stationed in yokosuka. If u have further question just asked. Like I said contact JPS and report it as soon as possible.
report it to local police and stay low! don’t ever think about going near golden gai until you get some updates. at least you have some comfort knowing your male friends could provide some measure of protection.
File a Japanese police case first as they’ll hold the navy responsible, get your case, then deliver it to Yokosuka security and also call and see if you can get a meeting with his commanding officer. If you make sure it goes to his CO he’s fucked
As said in other comments you need to contact Japanese police. You say he’s Navy but don’t mention a command. Are you sure about that? If you know the command or even the base and have his full name they can for sure lock this idiot down.
The security on base can take care of a lot of things.
These guys sometimes forget that they’re government property and serious cases of harassment, assault etc can put all the bases across the country on curfew as collective punishment.
It’s also something security need to know that their soldiers are emotionally unstable and probably not fit for service (judging from your description, I’d hate to be stuck on a ship with that guy).
I’ve been saying this for years but I’ll repeat myself NEVER date anyone in the Army or Navy. Sure, there might be “good people” among them but the chances of dating a scumbag with mental issues is too damn high. Don’t take the risk. You wouldn’t play Russian roulette with all but one barrel loaded right? Same thing. The odds aren’t in your favor.
Hope you’re getting the advice you need OP. Definitely go to the police HQ to make a report and bring all the evidence you have with you, then make a report to wherever he’s based bringing the police report number with you.
Call the Japanese police. The US Navy in Japan operate under the Ridge Alkonis doctrine so they will only help him.
Report him to the police and his command. As a former sailor I can assure you the Navy does not take this sort of behavior lightly
Just let go, move on.
Wasn’t there a guy on here trying to find a girl from edogawa and he’s American and in the navy?
I agree you should report it to both Japanese and Navy police.
I used to work with an E9 who got demoted to E1 for sexually harassing a local Japanese woman. They do take these things seriously.
Just go to the Japanese police. The report gets sent to the military police. Make sure you have all the messages and evidence too.
Also, the military police have japanese staff that help them translate. So if you call them they can help too.
Be safe
Not surprised.
Hey, I’m happy to help you, send me a PM and I can give you some numbers— also, maybe with some info I can figure out what base and command he’s at.
I’ve been around the Navy for my entire 30 year career and I read your post, and honestly I’m not sure what exactly you think you can report him for? Do you have a police record of the club incident that happened last year? Is he actively stalking you (showing up at your home or place of work)? Is he making any threats towards you? Making friends with your guy friends is hardly illegal. And right now everything just sounds like it would be your word against his, so without police records I really don’t see what anyone will do. His command definitely won’t do anything except for tell you to contact the Japanese police if you think a law has been broken or you want to file a report, even then, the Japanese police are going to need some pretty hard evidence of an actual crime, or they’ll likely just dismiss your complaints as well.
waw good
Report to Japan Police ASAP..
And avoid that kind of losers..
Take care..
People like this makes me reluctant to say I’m American when Japanese people ask me where I’m from
Damn, if we could stop sending all of our troops with mental problems to allied nations to become those nations’ problems, that would be great.
You can also file a report with NCIS which is the naval investigation service for the navy and usmc. 08084741218 this is their number for their far east field office.
My advice would be to report it to the Koban closest to the base. They have certainly dealt with similar issues. If you go to the police station, things may quickly escalate beyond what you are hoping to achieve.
If you go to the Koban nearest the base and you don’t get good guidance, then move up to the district police station.
It all depends on what you are hoping will happen. If you want things handled quietly, go the Koban route. If you want immediate impact, go to the district police station, but that can turn into something much bigger that you cannot stop once it gets moving.
I’m reading through on what would be reported, and it seems like you want to charge this person with assault / physical.
There is conduct unbecoming as a general fallback as a catch all in the services.
In any case, there would need to be eyewitnesses or recordings for any type of charge to go through and have any merit.
I’m not sure if there are any but just filing a blanket statement would not be enough for any kind of traction.
NCIS is actually real. They are an internal US navy police force to deal the conduct of US soldiers, incl in foreign countries… At a guess, JPS would refer it to them. I met one of the guys out drinking one night:
[https://www.ncis.navy.mil/About-NCIS/Locations/](https://www.ncis.navy.mil/About-NCIS/Locations/)
**FAR EAST FIELD OFFICE**
YOKOSUKA, JAPAN
PSC 473 BOX 76
FPO AP 96349
PHONE: +81-46-816-7535
DSN: 315-243-7535