Good morning guys, I’m learning to translate Japanese, but I’m not sure if my translation is correct.
The context was a girl who managed to get a koi fish during a summer festival in Japan.
「できました、できましたよ!」
笑うと普段よりもずっとずっと魅力的な表情になる。
由弦だけが知っている事実だった。
「Yeayy…it worked, we got it…!」
When she smiles, she looks even more charming than before.
A fact only Yuzuru knew.
Thank You….
1 comment
You’re adding some nuance that wasn’t there. The first line is much simpler.
‘I did it, I did it!’ or ‘I got it, I got it!’ works better.
笑う is a bit vague, since it can refer to smiling, but often refers to laughter. Just to bear in mind.
普段 is closer to ‘usual’ than ‘before’. So ‘more than usual’.
Otherwise, it’s a pretty good effort. On an instinctive level, I think you’ve taken a bit too much liberty, so it’s started to drift in meaning a bit, but the overall intent is there, so not bad.