We have been separated for 3 years with no contact, and I am trying to get a divorce so I can move on with my life.I gained permanent residency in Japan while being with him and every fight we had he would threaten me with divorce and would say that he would make sure I left Japan.
There was no physical abuse or anything like that, we just couldn't stand each other. It was like 2 strangers living in the same house I took matters into my own hands, signed the divorce papers and left. I thought that was what he wanted and I thought that was the only thing I had to do to be divorced. I didn't want or ask for anything from him I just wanted to leave so I moved to a different part of Japan.
I thought I was divorced already up until I recently went to check at the city hall and apparently he never went through with the divorce. I tried getting a hold of him through his friends and politely asked why he never went through with it. He sounded annoyed and said it was for financial reasons that he never went through with it and that he just needed some time. I let months go by and nothing, I reached out once more and he sounded angry and said he wasn't going to go through with the divorce and that he would fight me in court.
Ive talked with lawyers and most of them are saying the same thing, that because we are in Japan and he didn't physically abuse me, the court would not be in my favor. I need help because I don't know in what direction to go from here and I am not too familiar with the divorce laws. Any advice or comments would be of much help.
Please and Thank you!
by Optimal-Ad-7761
27 comments
Unless you really need to get married now with someone else, I would just leave it as is, for the next few years. He may change his mind then as time goes and things evolve
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Yeah no one who keeps threatening divorce actually wants to go through with it. It’s a power play thing.
Gather evidence. All copies of emails or any communications where he is threatening divorce or threatening you with having to leave Japan. Get financial statements of your salary and his if possible. Take all this to a family law attorney and ask what is the best course of action. Do you have copies of the divorce papers you signed that he never turned in?
not sure what those lawyers are talking about. you’ve been separated for 3 years with no contact. de facto there is no marriage anymore (this is one of the legal reasons you can get divorced; 結婚の破綻)
in order to get divorced you are probably gonna have to go through the court. and just fyi you are owed 50% of the assets acquired during marriage
Nothing to add except just what a horrible system Japan has with regard to marriage … I’m speechless
I am not a lawyer, but that happened to a friend of mine and he wanted a divorce, his wife didn’t and after they lived separately for four years they were automatically divorced?! Not sure if that is the law, I didn’t really ask specifics.
Are you in the Facebook group? Reddit skews somewhat males but there’s a Facebook group for women predominantly gaijin divorcing Japanese men and you’ll find a lot of advice there as well as support.
I don’t have a lot of advice but just for future reference, for op or anybody else reading this. If you do get divorced you receive a letter from city hall stating that you have been divorced as of x date. If you don’t receive something like that it’s safe to assume you’re not divorced
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I’m curious at how this will go down. Please keep updating the status.
When I got divorced( we.had been separated for about 4 years) .. I signed the paper but my ex didn’t take it to the city office for about a year… I had no idea until I got married again about 2 years later… my new wife was pissed…
The best thing I can suggest is to get on him and bug him about it… see if it helps
What do lawyers mean by the judge won’t be in your favor? More fees to pay? Less assets to aquire? I mean this sucks but freedom is more important than money.
Sounds to me you qualify for a divorce since you live separately for such a long time, and have no kids. You should go for it and stop being under the “control” of that narcissist pervert.
I swear this sub surprises me with situations all the time
Legally in Japan after not living together for 3 years you can divorce.
To do that you need to go through the family court, and you can get a free consultation with them.
You don’t require his agreement anymore, just prove that you lived separately.
Don’t lose hope
This former spouse seems a very confused person. Threats, then refusing cooperation. Very sad state of affairs.
Its easy to find a bad professional, ie doctor, lawyer etc. I am going to assume these lawyers are men ? Perhaps find a woman who will take care of business ?
No kids I take it ? That brings in a whole load of issues including family registry
I am confused what you mean with the courts won’t be in your favor? This is Japan, you can get a divorce if you don’t want to be married anymore. You don’t need your spouse’s approval for it.
Of course it’s harder when the other spouse is blocking the process but that just means you probably have to get in front of a judge for the divorce instead of a simple city hall trip. However it will be granted.
You didn’t mention money so I guess you’re not after his money. Imo even if you are, just forget about it. Freeing yourself from him is more important than dragging things out for a bit of cash.
Your husband has shown you he won’t lift a finger so it’s time to take matters into your own hands. Make an appointment with a new lawyer and ask him how (not if!) you can divorce from your estranged husband, then follow that advice. You got this.
Just a thought, but, OP–have you been filing your own tax returns since separating? (I wonder if he has been claiming you as a dependent?)
Even with permanent residency he could make your visa renewal later difficult if he has any evidence against you from
Adultery, tax evasion etc. I
Would recommend a lawyer that deals with marital situations. I know of one gentleman that got cleaned out by his wife when he requested a divorce.
As a foreigner in Japan, it’s to your benefit to stay married….tax reasons, health insurance, nenkin, immigration, society. I’m friends with a lot of people and everyone of us is separated and have been for many years. It just makes life easier. Try to stay on decent terms with your spouse. You don’t have to talk to the person, but just be decent if you happen to correspond by some way. If you have “cheated” on him, he can even sue you for monetary damages and Vice-versa. They have private detectives whose focus is mainly on cheating spouses. If you have a new person in your life, I would not push anything with your spouse. Good luck!
>I took matters into my own hands, signed the divorce papers and left. I thought that was what he wanted and I thought that was the only thing I had to do to be divorced. I didn’t want or ask for anything from him I just wanted to leave so I moved to a different part of Japan. I thought I was divorced already up until I recently went to check at the city hall and apparently he never went through with the divorce.
You gave signed and legally crucial documents into the keeping of someone you knew you couldn’t trust, and he didn’t have them officially endorsed, but forgot to tell you? The cunning bounder.
Still, that would explain why you hadn’t received a document proving your divorce. If your husband didn’t explicitly state that he had done the procedure, it would explain that too. Though “he’s lying” would explain it if he’d told you he had when he hadn’t.
If you opt for a lawyerless divorce, you have to do things a lot less passively than that. Bloody hell.
hi, I’m Japanese.
I also divorced three years ago, for me, it took two years to convince my ex to separate with me.
my ex-husband didn’t want to get divorced with me because he has so much ego that also he didn’t want his company or people to know he is divorce.
I tried to convince him in person by talking to him only, and he never listened to me. So I kind of threatened him that I will contact his boss that our situation was. it really worked for him, and I got divorced within one month.
Japanese guys tend to care about how people looks at him especially from his company.
in my ex case, he didn’t want to get divorced cause he hast to tell company that he got divorced . that’s why I told him if he is not telling, I would tell his boss that we are already separated.
it might works for your husband too .
I heard stories of people getting divorced without knowing in Japan. So is this not a thing?
Save yourself trouble and just continually bother him until he gives up and does it.
Decades ago when I wanted a divorce, I asked someone from the city hall where to sign in the divorce paper if I was the only one to file for it. It was along the vertical side not on the end horizontal side. Not really sure if there’s a bearing to it as I didn’t pursue it. I was only a couple of yrs married then and my Japanese was very basic. To this day, not sure if I was able to convey what I want to say nor I understood what he was trying to say. Better ask someone from the family court or city hall.
Sounds horrible. I have heard of some really sad situations of foreign women trying to divorce the japanese man. Hell on earth
Have you contacted the U.S. embassy? They might be able to help if you are American. Good luck! ❤️