I have loved Japan and Japanese culture throughout my entire life. For example, I still have a homemade "kimono" that I wore in a play in Kindergarten to represent Japan (I'm white, so it's a little cringe inducing to think about cultural appropriation, but in my defense, this was the late 70's-early 80's).
My father worked at the Port in my hometown. He was a longshoreman, son of a firefighter, and a Vietnam veteran. He would bring me little things from Japan that came through the port, or things that looked Japanese. However, he died when I was 12 years old. I can't help feeling that had he lived, I would have made it to Japan and fulfilled my dreams long ago.
But once he died, so did most of my dreams. My mother, previously a stay at home mom, made life hell for me and my older brother. She was abusive, alcoholic, narcissistic, and she robbed both of us of our inheritance from my father. Because of her, I had to learn how to live from the ground up. I was also left with deep mental health scars, which still affect me very much.
I was able to take Japanese language courses in college, but I wasn't able to retain very much, alas. I even still have my textbook. So I had hoped that when I tried to pick up the language again, I wouldn't have too much trouble. In school, I had a talent for foreign languages. I loved studying them, and I was good at them. I was even praised for having excellent pronunciation by various teachers.
But the years have gone by. I am now 50 years old. I finally made it to Japan in January 2023. I went back in March 2024. I am hoping to go again in late 2025.
I wish more than anything that I could move there. People tell me to just go for it, but they don't understand the difficulties of that. One doesn't just pick up and move to Japan, as everyone here well knows!
Now I work a full time job, and deal with what is probably undiagnosed ADHD, OCD, anxiety, and depression. I feel like those, along with my age, make it near impossible for me to retain language learning like I could do when I was much younger. I'm finding it hard to retain everything, even with trying to at the very least use Duolingo two to three times a day. I supplement with other sources when I can. I wish I had more time and energy to devote to learning, but it's so hard. I can pick up words, and if I concentrate, I can understand hiragana, katakana, and a few kanji. But the grammar is proving difficult, and sentence structure sometimes confuses me. I think something is correct, only to find that I am wrong. And I get frustrated, and I feel like I'm making no progress.
I am married, but no children by choice, but I seem to be the only person really maintaining my household. So I have a million things on my mind each day, along with trying to go to the gym to lose weight, balance the household budget, pay the bills, keep up with hobbies I enjoy (One Piece and Japanese pro wrestling, primarily!!), and deal with some severe "fear of missing out" if I can't keep up with everything.
Is anyone else in a somewhat similar situation? Can anyone give me advice on a more streamlined approach? I just feel like whatever I'm doing will not work in the long run. I have made friends in the Japanese pro wrestling community. I would love so much to really be able to talk to them someday.
TL;DR: I'm 50 years old, and having difficulty learning Japanese due to life issues. Any advice on more time efficient methods? Help!
by darkflame173