Until recently, I had been working at a Japanese company in the US that only had Japanese employees. I am new to the industry, so they said my training would mostly be "on the job" training, which I was fine with. But the training ended up being a lot of random stuff that had a lot of caveats. None of this was ever written in a manual, mainly just explained in Japanese and broken English.
I know conversational level Japanese, but I still had to spend a moment in my head translating, but I still got the jist of most things. The problem usually started whenever I would make a small mistake. It was hardly ever a mistake, more like a slight difference in their process, such as putting a paperclip on "wrong" or not packing supplies the way they wanted me to, or not handing over my business card the "Japanese" way, when I was handing it over to another American who I knew couldn't care less. All of these "mistakes" were treated as serious mistakes and I got reprimanded every time, but it was all said in a very "polite" way, that I'm not "Japanese so you are still learning". The "still learning" part really messed with me because every little thing felt like the end of the world to them and that I should be doing things the way a 10+ year employee would do it. Every bit of encouragement just felt like it was more of a reprimand/pity.
These little things happened so often, compounded with the fact that I'm not Japanese, and the fact that I'm right out of college, all felt really condescending. Essentially, it was a light case of Japanese power harassment, which I didn't expect from a company in the US.
This eventually culminated into me being laid off a couple weeks ago. They said I couldn't keep up with their "fast paced environment" and that it was their fault for hiring someone straight out of college without having proper training. I wasn't surprised, it was obvious in hindsight, but it still felt bad, that I was set up to fail just to prove that I wasn't good enough to them.
I guess my problem now is that whenever I speak to Japanese people(There are a decent amount in my area and friend group), the polite speech feels very condescending all of a sudden. Especially がんばったね？Or anything ending in ね? in general. Looking logically, I know that polite language can be used to be condescending, and that my friends aren't doing it, but I just can't get the connection out of my head.
I know this was more of a rant than asking for advice, but any words of encouragement would really mean a lot to me.
TLDR: Japanese boss/Senpai was very nitpicky and condescending towards me with everything I did, got fired, and now I can't stop thinking that whenever I hear polite Japanese, I think it's condescending.
by Auraeseal
11 comments
I got so engaged in reading this that I forgot why I opened this sub in the first place.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. There is a form of bullying/condescending that hides behind excessive politeness, and it sounds like that company was fucked up and the people you worked with were particularly mean.
A lot of your Japanese input has consisted of people being fake-nice and that’s got to skew your perception, both from a language-learning point of view and from an emotional point of view. It’s normal and understandable.
I’d recommend balancing that with input from Japanese people being normal in order to recalibrate. So spend more time with Japanese people or consuming Japanese media. With more experience, you’ll be able to tell if someone’s just being polite or if they’re being a dick.
‘Not packing supplies the way they wanted me to’
Would love to hear the other side of this story.
This messes me up too, to be honest. Generally speaking, Japanese people are not forward and can be passive aggressive as hell. They’ll be polite and expect you to read the air and understand 100 things they aren’t saying out loud.
I have had similar thoughts, though nothing’s ever happened to me like being laid off or whatever.
I can say though, that the way some people say ごめんね to me can sound like the most insincere condescending non-apology ever. Like the way my father-in-law said it when he drove over my foot.
Yeah, sounds about on par with Japan. Now you probably won’t wonder why people say working in Japan isn’t very fun.
They take the “don’t sweat the small stuff; everything is the small stuff” to the extreme.
I, too, got reprimanded for stapling files diagonally instead of “an inch down from the left-hand side.” They’re very, very particular about admin stuff. It’s just their culture. Business cards, too, are a huge deal to a ridiculous extent. Live and learn.
As for the language, yes. Very polite language is often used to be condescending or even angry. But it’s all about context. Polite language is also the default register when spoken with strangers, colleagues, and even people born slightly older. Casual Japanese wouldn’t be used in most settings.
Sounds like you picked up some trauma and have a gut reaction to the language now. That sucks. I hope you can find a positive experience to even it out soon.
Very Japanese way to saying you are doing it wrong stop messing up. I get co workers who make fun of my Japanese all the time or the way I do anything by being condescending and overly polite.
I’m sorry you had to experience that kind of treatment. Unfortunately you are right about the polite speech being condescending, it can be very passive aggressive. It is somewhat ironic that the polite way of speaking is so often used as a way to be rude towards someone without even saying a rude word.
I don’t know what to say to help you remove that association in your mind, but I think the most important part is not *what* is being said, but *how*.
Someone can say the exact same polite things in english, if the tone is sarcastic, it will have the same effect. I think the problem here is not exactly the language itself but the toxic corporate culture, that kind of passive aggressive treatment that is so common on black companies in Japan, like being mean without being rude (if that makes sense).
That sucks, but take comfort in knowing you are not the first and will not be the last to experience this. It can make you paranoid and untrusting of people, though, and this is a very dangerous side effect. As best you can, try to continue being yourself.
There is a lot of masked animosity and condescending attitudes towards people that aren’t Japanese but don’t feel like it only happens to us. I’ve seen it directed at Japanese nationals themselves when they were new or in a position below someone. I back in the day felt like you did. I immersed myself in the language and culture outside of work. Now when someone gets like that with me I catch it right away. I blast them for being petty and shitty in attitude. I don’t work for anyone but myself so I don’t have to worry about the results. Some of these people need a correction. Don’t let the little things discourage you. You’ll get there 👍
The thing is that contrary to most experiences la this, you are in the US and they have to speak English sometimes. So if they make fun of your Japanese you can do the same about their English?