TLDR: my childish dad made a big scene in Japan and showed me his immaturity. I don’t want to spend rest of time in Japan with him but unsure what to do. Do things alone(without mom and dad I’m 18)? Book flight home? Need advice
I’m in Japan with my mom and dad. Little backstory my dad is Chinese so he hates Japanese people. Before going on this trip I was very worried because he’s always upset and can never handle his emotions. Today we went to Chanel store in Japan, which the guy outside told us we need to wait at the store 12pm tommorow to get a reservation. Looking online, apparently foreigners need a reservation while locals can just enter. It’s definitely discriminatory but fine it’s unfortunate but what can be done. However, my dad started getting upset, and started swearing and everything making a scene in public. We decide to leave but my dad gets furious and starts wanting to go back and talk. I tell him to stop and just move on. He keeps swearing and making a scene and then decides to go up to the guy and press him about why we can’t enter. I pulled him back and I literally had to grab his bag and tell him to stop and move on. I told him to not make a scene out of this. He yells at me that he’s not making a scene. Bunch of swear words here and there and by this point everyone around is looking at us. He starts taking how they’re racist because we’re Chinese and that how come other ppl can just enter. I agree that it’s messed up but nothing we can do about it. He then gets furious and wants to head back again and I tell him to grow up. That he’s the dad and right now I’m taking care of him. This isn’t the first time this has happened he always gets furious at something then never admits that he is the problem. He’s trying to head back and I have to push him back to stop him from going, in which he starts swearing and swearing. I cannot believe that he is my dad and I feel embarrassed to be related to him because he’s everything I don’t want in a dad. I feel incredibly frustrated because I wanted a good vacation but the past 2 days, all his negative comments and remarks about Japan is making the trip gruelsome. I’m unsure what to do now. I want to have a good vacation but I can not stand being around him. I’m going to college in less than a month so it’s not like I’ll see him much either. I was thinking of booking a flight back home myself because I really cannot stand him. My mom would probably be willing to let me buy the ticket. I’m just unsure what to do because he never admits his actions were too much and I’m really frustrated with him. But I also had so much fun stuff planned to do, but I just don’t want to do any of it with him. Is solo tripping a good idea? I’m 18 have like $800 and I think my mom would probably be willing to fund me. I need advice idk what to
by No-Plankton-7240
31 comments
Your dad should go home and not vacation in jp in the future
If you hate a certain type of people why go to their country 🤔🤔🤷🤷😂
Why is he here in the first place. Maybe he should be the one buying a ticket home while you and your mom continue your trip.
Tbh when we travel there were guests in their country. We’re (foreigners) not going to like all the rules, but they’re the way they are sometimes for a reason. Visitors to our respective countries experience similar events and it’s not worth throwing a fit over. With how demand for tourism in their country has been over the past few years, you can’t really blame them for keeping some things for themselves.
Also, locals live there so their spare time is limited. Visitors are on vacation so I don’t see a reservation as completely awful and that shop probably wants to make sure there’s enough supply for everyone instead of tourists buying them out daily. There’s no need to make a situation about a small matter and is not directly at a single culture for something that applies to all visitors.
To add, this is not worth getting arrested over. They’re just luxury bags, there are other stores and so much more to enjoy on vacation.
I understand family problems, but I also think buying a ticket home or solo traveling right now is too extreme. Cut yourself some slack. It just happened so it’s normal to be really upset by it. It’ll fade with time.
I’d try to enjoy the trip and take some small measures against him making you upset during the trip, if possible.
For example, if he’s freaking out, let him. Go check out something else. He’s a grown man and he’s responsible for his own actions. He has as much power over you as you let him.
Try to enjoy your trip and let him do whatever. If he wants to join you and behave, then great. But I’d try to keep in mind, you’re not responsible for him or his behavior.
Your dad hates Japanese people…and goes to Japan…makes sense.
Uhh I feel like Wallminium’s response is the only one trying to be even remotely helpful. The rest are just dunking on your Dad for easy pot shots at anti-japanese people.
I don’t know the technicals of what to do if you want to go solo, but don’t listen to the people who are just flaming your Dad and saying “Why come to Japan if you hate it?! LOL”. They aren’t being helpful nor are they attempting to.
[WallMinimum1521](https://www.reddit.com/user/WallMinimum1521/) has provided the best/most helpful post so far. The rest at the time of posting is pretty much just trash.
You’re an adult, if you can afford to do it alone it’s probably worth going solo so you can enjoy yourself
Part of being an adult is being realistic with your situation. You’re in a foreign county with extremely limited money and assuming that you don’t have already paid for lodging that is separate from your parents.
In my eyes you have three options:
1. Leave early, assuming your ticket / travel costs are sub 800 or if your mom covers the rest.
2. Stay and try to find lodging for cheap and do the fun things you wanted to do separate from your parents.
3. Stay with your parents for the trip and understand that your father is a flawed person. His comments are not acceptable and will lower the quality of your trip but it will still likely but a much higher quality trip then attempting to vacation in Japan on $800 while balancing food, housing, and transportation.
Why go to japan when you hate japanese people? Can you visist alone while in the same city? You are 18 and have some money. Flying back is a bit extreme.
this sucks and sorry to hear about it. should make it clear that catering to the local crowd isn’t racist at all. If i golf in another state, there is usually a locals rate and a visitors rate. If you go to national parks there is a local rate and a non local rate. So it might sound messed up but unless its just directed at Chinese, then no. You mentioned foreigners so I am assuming it isn’t race based. Have to let that part go.
Maybe you can talk to your mom and see if she wants to talk to your dad? Perhaps just tell your mom that you wanna go and do the fun stuff on your own? Japan is incredibly safe and public transportation is really easy to navigate around in. Meet up with them at night and recap the day or..
Going home early probably isn’t the best choice but if your dad wont bend, then do do it on your own!
Whoa, I feel for you! I am half Chinese (more to that story later) and my wife is full Chinese. My FIL HATE Japanese, but agreed to a family trip for Japan when my kid was 2. I don’t even know why he agreed to it, throughout the trip he just walk around finding reason to tell us why China/Chinese is better and the trip is a mistake, ranging from the place being dirty to people with no soul in their eyes. He would intentionally cause problem for the workers too, like at the hotel, he will make sure he find that one cleaner that speak Cantonese or Mandarin, and complain about things, and chalk it up to low Japanese standard. At Landmark tower, at the information booth, the staff there speak a number of languages, but not Chinese, he started lecturing and grilling them about why they need to learn Chinese, with Chinese tourist spending money there and lifting the economy blah blah. I was ready to just take my wife and kid and abandon them and go somewhere else!
At 18 though, anything you do, you need to be prepared for the backlash, unless you are 100% independent, and don’t live under their roof, especially in Asian culture, if you take off, the aftermath won’t be pleasant. Its a trip, enjoy what you can, 99.99% sure that nobody there will see you again, so don’t be embarrassed. He can act however he wants, if you feel like it, you can just apologize on his behalf, or do nothing, just make sure you yourself, is polite and don’t cause any trouble, thats the best you can do. One option, if at all possible, is to do thing separately, and just meet up for breakfast and dinner, he will still get pissy at you, but at least that limit whatever toxic exposures
The reason for the reservation is because of past incidents involving tourist group. They don’t like the optics if they single out specific tourist group or agency. So they impose catch all measures, similar to reason why traditionally, onsen bans people with tats, its not because that they discriminate people with tats, its so they have a better way ban against Yakuza who is known to be fairly inked up without singling them out
So my other half, was a further half of Japanese and Korean – Dad side is Chinese/Korean, mom side is Japanese/Chinese. So the family “gathering”, there were no shortage of bickering already. But my FIL didn’t know this until the day of the wedding when the Japanese and Korean relatives show up. He was FURIOUS that his daughter is marrying someone with 1/4 Japanese blood.
I would continue to stay in the same accommodations and take the same flight back but split off from your parents during the day and do things alone.
I feel for you. Honestly, I get why Japanese make things harder to enter for foreigners, especially in Kyoto, places where it is just crowded with tourists in general.
Your father should not have come to Japan if he has a complex.
In your case, 800 bucks would go a long way. Whatever you do, don’t fly home. Either continue solo of just avoid him when visiting things.
Perhaps you should remind him that in Japan, once you are arrested, they can hold you indefinitely and deport you, but also opt to just throw you in jail. Conviction rates in Japan are like 99%. So next time, don’t stop him, just tell him you will call the cops on his ass.
I’d tough it out. You should try to find the humor in the fact that your Dad is a bit of a psycho, so it’s more manageable. You can avoid future family vacations.
I doubt your parents will fund you ditching them and it will worsen things to bring it up.
It’s not discriminating to let locals get in without reservation while tourists do… These poor people already have to endure all this overtourism in their country so at least let them have access at things before foreigners, yes myself included. It’s still their country
To be fair the Chanel stores in Japan are much more rude than in other places I’ve been, especially to foreigners of all stripes. Most Chanel stores in the world do not require an appointment, so they should have a more gracious and less arrogant way of informing the customers of this need. It’s poor design on their part.
Next time let him blow up, the locals will call the cops and your dad can spend some time in jail while you vacation.
There’s a lot of better subs to ask this question in. It might be normal for you to do everything with your family and have an angry dad, I totally get it.
In any case, I would not book the flight home, because Japan is that cool and it’s also where I personally took a transformative trip many years ago.
If you need some space, I would work it out with your mom and maybe go visit a different town for a day or two. Getting lost in Tokyo and visiting Kyoto for me was awesome.
No point sugarcoating it, family things can be really tough at any age. You have support here if you need it!
Cutting the trip short seems a shame when you’re the one who’ll most enjoy being there and had stuff planned.
By going solo, do you mean you want different accomodation, head to a different city? Or just go your own way during the day and only reunite with family for sleeping and the occasional meal? Your parents might be more easily swayed to the later (and it would be cheaper for you), especially if you convince them they wouldn’t enjoy the things you want to do.
Japan is very safe, so either of the solo options aren’t a big risk to you. Just that one will be more expensive than the other, and the cheaper one will involve still spending a small amount of time around your dad. Weigh it up, and discuss with your mom.
As a Chinese American, I hate how you’re going through this. I don’t have any family members who hates Japan but I know that tons of tourists from China are disrespectful to the Japanese culture and rules. Unfortunately we end up being lumped in all that.. if you guys are staying in one spot then perhaps you can go sight see on your own. But if you guys have plans to travel around the country then you’re somewhat stuck together. Sorry you’re going through this but make the most of your trip and you can always go back to Japan in the future without them.
Grown men with the emotional maturity of a 14 years old. Nothing new here. Sorry about your trip.
Luxury stores in Japan treats chinese tourists like kings since they are the ones who spends the most there. They specially hire Chinese sales associates to cater to the Chinese tourist crowd too. So if they really don’t allow you in, please note it is really just their policies. They sure as hell would want you inside there adding to their sales targets.
More Chinese people died in the Great Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution, Russia still occupy the most Chinese land. Yet people who are educated to hate on Japanese seldom feel angry about the aformentioned points, their rage are artificial manipulation by the state.
I agree that your Dad is a child who can’t manage his emotions.. but it’s always so crazy to me to hear that in Japan it’s not uncommon for rules to be made specifically for foreigners that don’t apply to locals :/
Don’t come for me lol. I get it and I’m actually traveling to Japan next year for the first time but this scares me a bit as a black woman traveling there.
I’m an American and I love Japan, but I can sympathize with the Chinese hating Japan after learning about Nanking and WW2. Imperial Japan was quite an evil country in those times, however, the Japan of today is a completely different country (although they still refuse to apologize for Nanking). Your father may have strong emotions toward Japan and you should try to understand it from his point of view. He may have agreed to go to Japan for your sake. Put yourself in his shoes and try to empathize.
Sounds like Dad needs a vacation *from* the vacation. Maybe let him cool off while you explore Japan solo—think of it as your first college prep course in independence! Plus, sushi tastes better without side orders of drama.
This is barely even an incident. Get over it and enjoy ur trip to Japan that many people have on their bucket list.
Why support a business that does this? Don’t buy from a designer brand that allows their customers to be treated differently. This happened to Oprah in Paris. But he probably more upset that they were racist to his baby girl.
I would sit down with your dad and ask why he wanted to go? Chances are it was to spend time with you and make memories. Then ask him if he thinks it’s a good use of your limited time together being upset about things you can’t control? Tell him you understand his reasoning behind his anger but it is taking away from you the enjoyment of what he initially wanted to offer you.
My question is why are you all wasting your time going to lame luxury outlets? That’s about the least interesting thing to do in Japan.
Tell him he’s bringing dishonor to his ancestors by being unable to
control his emotions. 😔