Content warning, this is in no way a serious report post, and is intended only in the spirit of good fun.
Day 1: Tokyo, Asakusa
Broke 42 social and local customs getting off the plane and onto the train to Asakusa. Got some beer, chilled, and got told to “stop contributing to overtourism” by some nerd on Reddit when I posted a picture of the yakitori I bought for dinner.
Overall:7/10 day
Day 2: Tokyo, Akiba, Shibuya, Shinjuku
Good breakfast at a 7/11 then put my shoes tot the test trying my best to walk and avoid public transit. In the evening did an Izakaya tour and met this solid Greek dude and a guy from America. Sake was good, Yakitori was better, and we lost Roy to a punter in Shinjuku along the way. RIP Roy.
Overall My feet hurt/10
Day 3: Yokohama
woke up late, went to Yokohama to get some of the Chinese food I’ve been missing since I moved away. Got some good mapp tofu and spoke some mandarin for the first time in a while.
Overall The Japanese don’t know what spice is/10
Day 4: Sendai
Got up early, hotel wasn’t ready in Sendai so climbed Mt. Aoba. Amazing view, but if you ever want to experience being a steamed bun, go to Sendai in August.
Why is everything beef tongue flavored/10
Day 5: Matsushima
Beautiful little seaside town, lots to see and do, good oysters but a bit expensive. Defs bring your walking shoes. Came back and went to a bar to get some real Miyagi whiskey and ended up staying out late with some salarymen.
Oysters are too expensive/10
Day 6: Sendai and Miyagi Ken
Went way to the sticks to get some whiskey from the Nikka distillery. 10/10 whiskey but when I asked a couple from Finland how they were and where they were from they looked at me like I shot their dog.
10 glasses of Nikka whiskey/10
Day 7: Aomori
Aomori is country country, and dead in the summer. Typhoon was coming in so I spent most of the day in an onsen. Everything was apple flavored, even the onsen.
9/10 apples
Day 8: Hirosaki
Very cute castle and downtown, but a bitch to get to. Also I speak decent Tokyo Japanese but whatever they speak in Hirosaki is fucking gobbledlygook. Also my Katsu set came with applesauce.
I couldn’t understand a word/10
Day 9: Hakodate
Cute little town, also good to see some Matthew Perry rep on the walls. Introduced my partner to Melon Bear, the best mascot in Japan fuck you fight me. Literally all the food had cheese on it and I don’t know why. Had a good approximation of Tater Tot hot dish at a pub.
Ope/10
Day 10 Sapporo
Good food, good beer, very very cheap beer. Sapporo beer blows Kirin out of the water and I will die on this hill. Bummed around, got some Genghis Khan, and visited the model village in the mountains. Met some old British dudes in the pub.
2 proper brexit geezers/10
Day 11 Sapporo
Why I ask, why is the beer so cheap. Why I ask, does northern Japan not have a massive liver failure problem, why I ask, but I shall never know. I walk around Sapporo, dairy and beer being offered in equal bounty, a mockery of medical regulation. One day Hokkaido shall be punished for its hubris.
My cholesterol has spiked/10
Day 12 Otaru
Horrible tourist trap. I go hungry because I refuse to pay more than 2000 yen for any donburi, no matter how scrumptious. I somehow have the best fried chicken I’ve ever had at a lawsons near the station. Why, I shall never know, the question of why this 100yen friend chicken was so good will keep me up at night for the rest of my mortal and immortal life.
Why was it so good/10
Day 13 Asahikawa
Graaaahhh I love Golden Kamui, I love muscular men, I love old man Yaoi, raaaah
9/10
I now leave Japan with these final words of advice. If you want to see some cool sights, meet some cool people, and eat the best food in Japan, don’t head south, head north, you won’t regret it.
by CaoCaodidnowrong