Living here 5 years now. Nothing too bad or crazy has happened to me here, and I’ve had nothing but positive experiences with people here. I’m finding my mood is steadily decreasing and I’m starting to not be happy with my life. Sitting at home alone and I’m stuck with my increasingly bad thoughts about life here.
I felt I was getting to a good point in life with good savings and some good relationships, but those seem to be falling apart now. Sometimes suicidal thoughts come into my head even though I would never do that. Has anyone else been in this situation?
27 comments
Good, good, let the hate flow through you.
Your honeymoon phase has ended.
Like any other relationship you now have to decide if the little annoyances you could ignore are worth the things you enjoy or if you’ll need to break up with/divorce Japan for your own sanity.
You should talk to a mental health professional.
Talk to a professional OP or head back home . Hope ya get the help you need and feel better !
Are you me? This could be something that I’d write because I’m in a similar situation. In my case, the feeling is up and down. Sometimes I hate EVERYTHING and ready to leave. But sometimes I feel grateful living here for many reasons. What works for me is to see what’s the causes of my hatred (mostly because I don’t like living in Tokyo, commuting, and slow career progress for women). I try either to improve my situation or just accept it is what it is.
As for the suicidal thought/ideation, I seek a professional help to deal with that. As cliche as it sounds, work out, a long walk, and a good sleeping hygiene also improve my mood. Hope you feel better and find the way to cope.
Sounds like the start of depression. One thing I learned pretty quick was that living in Japan is great but working in Japan is beyond hell. Find someone to help you.
Maybe the weather gets to you. I get seasonal depression or when it’s cloudy often like 3 days in a row.
Go to the gym
It’s seldom the place and often the person and there’s nothing wrong with that.
You need to work on you. The things you can fix/control.
Small goals you can accomplish immediately work like buffs. They strengthen how you feel about the control you have.
I’ll echo what everyone else usually says:
Mental health professional.
Probably most non-Japanese who have lived here for any length of time. The pandemic has put everyone on edge, changed the way we live. The bad thoughts are a natural reaction to the times we live in. Take stock of your situation, make a decision. There is no shame in going back home, 5 years is a good run. Take care of yourself, and do not be afraid to get some help. Let us know what you decide.
It’s all the small things weird things that this country doesn’t do right, they just pile up until you can’t take it anymore. Plenty of Japanese people cope by dedicating themselves to the system or burying their sorrows in pachinko or the like. We have the option to seek more livable pastures.
We’re coming up on 3 years of corona life, that has to play some part of it. It always seems like ‘just a few more months’ until the acrylic separators and masks come down and people smile again, but then it never happens. I think a lot of people will see a big mental health improvement if things ever actually do go back to normal.
Give it some time and find something new to be interested in. Why are you sitting at home alone? Do you have family or dependents? Ups and downs with life happen irrespective of location. Is it a money issue, not doing what you want, health?
Many people are saying, “5 years is a good run, why not go home,” but they are only talking through their own perspective and what they would do. You have not given any indication that that’s what you want to do. Also if you have family or dependents, leaving is not an easy choice to make just because you’re unhappy.
– It’s absolutely fine to be upset when things aren’t going well in your life. It’s not realistic to have an instagram-perfect life 24/7, 365 days a year.
– This will be controversial, but being poor is a major source of discontent. Position yourself to get better income to the best of your ability.
– Getting out of the home and meeting new people can be invigorating. Maybe try out music clubs or whatever.
– Mental health professionals might help as well, as I had undiagnosed ADHD until now, and ever since I have been getting help for it, things are going better both socially and at work.
So just like me then.
I have been living in Japan for over 15 yrs and I feel the same.
I like Japan, but I feel like this is not the right place for me. I decided to put my head up and move to Europe next year. I think we all get depressed or sad if we stay in the same place for too long.
>I’m finding my mood is steadily decreasing and I’m starting to not be happy with my life. Sitting at home alone and I’m stuck with my increasingly bad thoughts about life here.
Same. Hope you feel better.
I’ve never been on my own here in Japan, so I’m not quite in the same situation you are, but I had a difficult time adjusting to Japanese culture and life in Japan, in general, that came to a head around five years after I’d been here. I was feeling really fed up with this place and seriously wanted to go back to the US but I couldn’t abandon my SO and the other people who had become important to me here. I just continued to persevere and at some point I got past it. I like my life in Japan these days. Maybe reconnect with some of those good relationships. Having supportive Japanese people in your life makes a big difference here.
The best thing that I did to help me with this was intense physical exercise to the point where I’m sweating profusely. If you’re make it is worth getting your testosterone levels checked
Yeah, been there done that. For me what really made me doubt everything about this country was when I divorced my abusive ex-wife (yes, wives can be abusive) and lost access to my son despite clear terms for visitation in the shinpan divorce agreement. I haven’t seen my son since the start of COVID.
For me, several things have been helpful with coping:
– I have a couple of close friends I can bitch to
– I have always been able to make sense of my feelings by writing them down on paper, and it always helps a lot (might be linked to the fact that I’m a huge introvert)
– I got into a hobby that require complete concentration and is close to meditation for hours in a row (paragliding, as well as hike & fly)
This doesn’t fill the emptiness of not being able to see my son, and how worried I am for him but it makes it bearable. I’m unfortunately not a strong person and I’d never be able to do something like Vincent Fichot has done with a public hunger strike.
I feel the same sometimes. For me, traveling to countryside , take some nice photos and have some good food usually help. Hope you get better soon.
You have passed the “honey moon period” and has gone back to your “base” emotional state. You can try to find another “honey moon” destination, get another high and will phase out again after 5 years, but it will not solve your base problems.
The world is just the way it is, it’s not designed for you to “hate” it, your response to it is the problem. Try a new hobby, keep your minds away from being “hateful”.
I think im arriving to that early compounded by difficult circumstances. It feels like shit. At this point im only here because im married, but it sounds like you’re a bit like me and if those relationship etc dont work out you see no reason to stay.
Im actually visiting my home country soon, and i think that i will know after what I truly want. You should do the same. Its expensive to fly these days which means I couldn’t go home as long as i wanted however but if you can i would definitely try.
5 years here too and feeling exactly like you (without the self harm stuff though). Find good people to hang out with, focus on good food and a healthy lifestyle and all will be good.
It happens so slowly you don’t notice, then it catches up with you all at once.
Talk to trusted friends about your feelings. Talking about suicidal thoughts does not make you more likely to commit suicide. Try to find a professional to talk to, online or in person.
Try to stay physically and socially active.
Would like to share two books that helped me get out of my depression. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. They’re quite famous go-to books that I go back to anytime I feel these feelings creeping up. They include very practical ways to work on yourself and change your perspective. Take care!
Went through the same exact feelings with a similar situation for about a year a few years back.
Midlife crisis maybe? Hope you get better. It
usually does. Hope you find a good counselor or therapist
Honestly, when I first came to Japan as an English teacher, it was much of the same for me.
I had a girlfriend that I really loved, a job that I got all by myself, and i was thriving here in Japan.
But for some reason I just hated everything and was just not happy.
So I had to reevaluate my entire life.
Am I unhappy because I am not doing what I want to be doing? (professionally and otherwise)
And just go one by one through all of the aspects of my life, and since I feel a lot better.
I started going out more, taking better care of myself, and going towards the ideal version of my life, and I feel A LOT happier.
But I really wouldn’t have gotten this far if I hadn’t asked that important question.
And it could be exactly that you might just be depressed without a specific cause, but the worst case scenario of taking care of yourself and making your life better is that you have a better life and less things to worry about.
It’s just mid life crisis. Or third of a way life crisis.