This will be a long desperate post, please read all of it.
I made a post last April, it was about my abusive husband and my wish to escape.
I escaped and it lasted exactly one week because I made the mistake not to block him so he could reach me and of course he was “sorry” , that he ” will change” and I believed it.
I didn’t want to see the truth because even thinking about it was very painful.
I sacrificed a lot for him, my mental wellbeing and my health. I had the wish to help him and put myself second. (Maybe it’s difficult to understand for some but I couldn’t develop a healthy confidence in my childhood thanks to my abusive mother so this relationship is basically round 2 for me)
I started therapy in March and made big improvements so far, I distanced myself from him a little although I’m still very scared and sometimes uncertain/overwhelmed.
I only have one friend I can rely on and no family here at all.
Places I went to already: lawyer, police, tokyo women plaza and my therapist who I see once a week.
All of them told me to move far away from him.
My friend is also quite busy so I feel very lonely and stuck especially.
We have been married for quite a while and we both are permanent residents.
Please help me.
11 comments
>I only have one friend I can rely on and no family here at all. Places I went to already: lawyer, police, tokyo women plaza and my therapist who I see once a week. All of them told me to move far away from him.
Leave him. Start a new life without him, it’s the only solution.
Find a job in a different prefecture if you want to stay in Japan or move back to your home country if you don’t want to stay in Japan.
What kind of help are you looking for? You already know what you need to do. You started doing it last April, but then regressed. You’ve hopefully learned that he isn’t going to change, so you need to do the same thing now that you did back in April (getting away from him), but this time don’t go back to him.
Sounds like it is going to be rough short term, but long term you will flourish. Entering that short term phase of pain is scary though, so the fear you are feeling is normal. Good luck going forward.
Hi. I’m really sorry you’re going through this awful phase and certainly hope you’ll find a solution. Probably not much, but that organization that helps married women in difficult marital situations and moves them overnight to somewhere safe and discreet, is that not also open to foreigners? Maybe they can help? Sorry, I’m just basing off a documentary I saw about that a few years back.
> Places I went to already: lawyer, police, tokyo women plaza and my therapist who I see once a week. All of them told me to move far away from him.
I mean with this many people giving you the same solid advice, I’m not sure what else you want us to do.
Sorry you are going through that. It may help to think about it this way, not leaving and not taking control of your own path will be much worse than any short term loneliness you are afraid you will experience if you do leave. You are much better off reasoning with yourself and building a life you would like by yourself versus being in a toxic environment. I hope things improve and you take that leap of courage to do it. Trust me you won’t regret it.
You are not done for. You still exist. You are still able to function to an extent. Continue going to therapy and work. You will be ok.
I haven’t gone through what you are, so I can’t say much but maybe try to think of this more of an opportunity to take charge of your life. It’ll definitely be hard and you might regret it at first but try to think of it in the long term. Also please be very careful. I’m sure you’re aware but I’ve read that in these situations it’s the most dangerous when leaving as the abusive partner might resort to desperate means. Please put yourself first and your safety first for the time being! I support you!
My aunt has the same episode, I was there because I was staying with her family then. Story short, she works/stays around the same area after separated and from what she told me she has restraining order in place. Not sure how it works here but that may solve your issue with your ex trying to stalk you persistently? Just wanted to chip in, hopefully thus helps.
You *can* do this. You say you’re scared you might regret leaving. Oh, no, honey, you already regret staying and are scared, uncertain and overwhelmed everyday. Leaving, which you know is the right thing, is scary and overwhelming… but comes with so much hope, too. You *can* be happy and laugh and love. Not while you’re still with him, though.
I support your decision. You can do this.
Seems like you’re more scared to leave than rather stay. Nothing good will happen if you remain fearful and stay. Stop making excuses on why you can’t leave, save your life and go