I have a 5 year old student “Yuki”. He’s pretty rambunctious but sometimes he gets out of control. He’s constantly yelling in my ear or touching me in my chest. I alert the staff members when something happens but they just giggle.
I told his mother who rubbed his head and laughed as well. The only “discipline” that I can give out is to use a stern voice which has zero effect.
Today I wore a long skirt and he kept trying to put his head and hands up my skirt to the laughter of the mother and other adults. Surprisingly the other kids were disturbed and told him to stop.
I know he’s just a little kid but I don’t like when he touches me. Any advice when all of the adults find his behavior 可愛い？
22 comments
Since there isn’t much you can do for discipline, I would choose to instead remove myself from him. I wouldn’t engage in any play time or chatting and tell him it’s because of his behavior. Since you are putting your head under my skirt, I’m not going to play with you. Walk away and don’t pay attention is really the only option you have. Hopefully, when he sees that his behavior is getting him no reaction and instead taking the play time with you away, he will hopefully stop.
You may be doing these things already, but some things that have worked for me when I was teaching that age group:
Try giving extra attention to kids who are doing the right thing, and giving them privileges (first turn in activities; head of the line; a sticker…) Give minimal attention to Yuki when he’s acting up, just a quick “sit down please”, then shine the spotlight back on the kids who are behaving.
Until he figures out that he’s not getting good results from acting up, arrange yourself so that he can’t access your ears, wear pants etc.
Make sure activities are short, with a mix of sitting/ standing/active/calm activities that use different parts of the lesson space. Having routines that you do each lesson can help things run smoothly.
Good luck, frustrating when the parents watch and do nothing!
Sorry this isn’t a comment about how to improve your situation. But I just want to say that I’ve also experienced this with older kids. There was a 6th grade class that was very rowdy, it might even be more accurate to say the were downright very rude. Consistenly disrupting the teacher in the middle of lessons, making noises, slamming their desk, and even saying very rude coments about Chinese, Americans, or any other countries anytime the topic came up.
The teachers only method to dealing with this was to laugh along with the student making those remarks, playing it down like “Oh, you’re so silly”. Sometimes even making remarks that would be considered encouraging. This continued up until they graduated and left to middle school.
When I asked about it, I would just get the response “That’s just how they are”. It still blows my mind.
>The only “discipline” that I can give out is to use a stern voice which has zero effect.
Why do you think that’s the only thing that can be done? Take him aside, tell him it’s not appropriate behavior, then have a serious conversation with the parents.
If you are an alt and used to be the “assistant” then you need to realize that you’re also an adult and an authority figure in the classroom, and the initiative you take to create a comfortable and safe environment for everyone is just as valid as the lead teacher. Don’t let someone tell you that you can’t discipline the kids.
I just wanted to message to say I understand how you feel as I’ve been there before. Parents are fuckwits when it comes to their bratty goblins. As others suggested, keeping as much physical distance from him and praising the well-behaved kids will teach him that his horrid behaviour won’t be rewarded by you. (In my case – I had a 6 year old kid who routinely spat at me, but me, kicked me and went on to bring in a baseball bat and hit me on the head with it). The parents and staff all laughed and called him cute too. I get it.
The most important thing you need to do here is take the staff members who laughed aside, ASAP, and explain to them very seriously how this boy’s behavior makes you feel. Don’t mince words, but do it in a patient, kind, and diplomatic way. If they are at all reasonable people, they will understand your feelings and will make sure that the boy is spoken to by his mother, and that his mother will intervene if the does it again.
However – if they do not react reasonably, if they dismiss you, tell you it’s not a big deal, and otherwise try to gaslight you, then you’ll know you’re working for a company that does not care about protecting its female staff. This gives you information you need – that is, if they balk at reprimanding a child, what do you imagine their reaction will be if an older male student, or an adult male (teacher, parent, staff, or student) also sexually harasses you?
You should know that this kind of behavior is NOT allowed in preschools or elementary schools in Japan, and it is NOT NORMAL for staff to ignore such behavior.
In most public and private schools, if a child behaves that way to a Japanese teacher, the reaction would reflect the seriousness of the situation – the boy would get into trouble.
If I were you, I’d make it clear to them that if the student is not reprimanded, that the next time he does this you will simply walk out of the lesson. Explain that you will not tolerate such behavior and should not be obligated to do so. Therefore, they need to discuss this with the parent to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Of course, this might get you fired. But it will only get you fired from a company that has clearly shown that they do not care to protect female teachers from sexual harassment – and do you really want to work there?
And oh – JOIN A UNION.
This used to happen a lot when I was at Nova. I think this is a big problem in eikaiwas. Especially in large eikiawas where they only care about getting the money from the parents. I I also experienced parents and staff always giggling when their kid was being out of control. I’m not sure why they did react like that when they can obviously see the kid is behaving badly. I worked at another company called Shane which actually allowed you to discipline the kids and send them outside the classroom if they were misbehaving. If I was feeling really pissed off I would encourage the kid to misbehave to the staff so that they would know how it feels but that’s obviously not a good idea in the long term.
My go-to method is to be really cheerful and bright with everyone and then when the problem child does something give them a 😐. If doing that doesn’t work for a while then I add a “no” along with the face and give compliments to everyone else. If they’re *still* uncooperative then I go into a 😠, with no words even if they do nothing wrong lol. “Hello Xymis sensei!” Me: 😠
If he was like 3 or something I’d understand. But he’s 5 he’s getting too old to act like that and is fully aware of what he’s doing. He’ll get in trouble if he does that in elementary school. My guesses is that he’s like that at home and his parents don’t know how to address it. People here also giggle out of embarrassement and when they’re trying to diffuse the situation. It could be that the mother doesn’t really know what to do either. Not necessarily that she doesn’t care.
If you have a chat with the mother and staff members and word it in a way that its an important lesson for him then they might be more on board and have a conversation with him. Even tell them that the other children notice and feel disturbed that he’s doing it. So in a way it is affecting your class and setting a bad example.
I also really like another person’s comment here about going overboard praising the kids that are behaving nicely. It really does work. I think he’s old enough for you to tell him you don’t like when he grabs you and you can’t play with him until he stops.
The reality you will have to face is that it will never be addressed by your superiors or their parents. No matter what you say to them, it will never be approached in a productive manner. You will most likely have to do your best to make convey to the child their behavior is not okay as a solo project. If there is something he really enjoys then you simply take it away when he acts up. Be careful with this approach though, if it impacts the other students lesson and enjoyment then it could result in a sit down with your superior and getting in trouble.
Source: Worked at an Eikaiwa would a kid repeatedly would stab myself and the other kids with his color pencils. Outcome? He got special color pencils that the other students didn’t get. My response? I threatened to quit if I continued to teach him. (Eventually did quit for other reasons).
Aside from everything else, this kid is 5 years old. Climbing under your skirt and yelling is probably stuff he does at home and with others, including his own mother. These things aren’t serious behavioral problems, they are fairly normal, though it is clearly making you uncomfortable. Frankly disciplining him, even if you could, wouldn’t help.
When he does something you don’t like, have a short but clear reaction, and then stop interacting with him. He yells in your ear? Say “Ow! Too loud!” make a face, and turn away to talk to another kid, or do something else. Don’t bring it up again. After about 2 or 3 minutes go back to acting normally. If he reaches up your skirt, give a clear firm “No.” and turn away, or step away. You don’t need to go far, just disengage.
The important thing here is that you have to let go after you do it. He won’t remember if you try to bring it up later. You have to make it not fun for him to do things, and that means boring. Reacting negatively is still “playing” with him. And you have to be consistent.
I have only once had a student who I couldn’t handle. He was a kindergarten, who wouldn’t stop trying to kancho me. I tried everything I could think of from simple words, to facial expressions, topaying attention to other students, to removing myself from his groups.
It wasn’t until I removed myself from the *classroom* that things changed. I think, more than anything, having me leave in the middle of a lesson finally made the JTEs take note that I was actually serious about the behavior in question.
Tell the staff members quite seriously that you regard it as sexual harassment. It sounds like a drastic measure, but it should light a fire under their butts, because this has become a very sensitive issue in Japan in recent years, and no school wants to become known
as a hotbed of sexual deviancy.
In the meantime, every time he does something unacceptable, or heck anytime he even just touches you, yell “no touching!” and then move away from him. This will cue the mothers that you really mean it, and even the kid will get the message eventually. You have to be persistent.
The mothers are more likely giggling out of awkwardness than anything else, and probably relief that it’s not their kid who’s the class brat. I’ve seen it before.
Keep in mind that he’s getting a lot of mixed messages about appropriate classroom behavior (and it’s a good sign that the other kids know the difference between right and wrong). Do the mothers really have to be in the classroom? No wonder he doesn’t listen to you.
You have to stand your ground. You’re allowed to have boundaries, and you’re allowed to reinforce them.
I remember ways back when I first came to Japan there was a Yuki. It actually was his name. Yuki was a shit. I’m a guy so didn’t get the chest touching, thank god, but the yelling in the ear: check, kancho attempt every lesson: check, violence towards me and other students: check check check.
I was solo teaching but shared the school with another Japanese teacher who had the same students on other weeks. As her income was directly tied to the number of students, with bonuses for retention, she didn’t gaf about Yuki. 「Ｏｈ ｈＥ ｉＳ ｊｕＳｔ ＧｅｎKｉ！！！笑笑笑！！！」
When I informed his mother of his violence towards other students, she instructed me to use physical violence towards him. Apparently it always worked at home.
So one day the little fuck decided to push the TV off the cabinet, almost taking out a little girl on the other side. Now I’m not talking a small TV here, this was a long time ago and well before the days of the modern ultra thin flat screens. From memory it was probably about 40 inches and pretty heavy. Fortunately the girl jumped out of the way in time, but I was pissed. I informed the girl’s parents of what happened, as well as Yuki’s. I then called the head office, and gave a list of all the problems I’d had with him, culminating in his attempted manslaughter.
Finally this would be enough, right?? Nope. Yuki was back with zero change to his behaviour, and the little girl left a while later. So I learned there that teachers aren’t worth shit, and nobody’s gonna do shit if it risks losing a single yen.
My pervert would also say the f bomb. Ok f you.
Red pencil please f you. I would physically have to move him slightly away from me when he got too close
Lots of good suggestions here!
I teach at kinders. Big classes in the morning, with homeroom teachers, and small classes in the afternoons, usually just myself and occasional Japanese support staff.
Big believer in big praise for students modeling the correct behavior. So when applicable, that almost always works for me.
But as for unwanted behavior – this morning I had a student randomly try to grab my butt. HRT was helping another student and didn’t see. I immediately stopped everything to look at the student with a blank/maybe a little angry face, and say “No. Uh uh. Was that ok?” And an “x” gesture with my fingers. Student nodded no. Then I immediately went back to the game we were playing. You have to address it immediately or they won’t remember what you are talking about. After a few minutes, I made sure to choose that student as a helper (if they were acting correctly) or at least give them some positive reinforcement so they don’t think you are angry at them.
Little ones don’t have much of an attention span (if any at all), so use things like getting everyone to sit down correctly, finger plays and small little chants to get everyone on the same page. Moving through activities quicker is best, as it doesn’t give students time to play around. Happy to share any ideas if you would like.
And just to note…. I’m sorry you are experiencing this. It’s so frustrating to be treated with such blatant disregard. I hope when you leave work you are able to leave it at work. Know that you are doing your best and that is all you can do.
Ugh. Had similar situation at previous job.
I’m a guy and a kid kept trying to punch me in the nuts every week. The parents didn’t do shit.
Nor did the manager. So I just started ignoring the kid, then I got into “trouble” because “you can’t ignore a paying customer” Blah blah blah.
Worked out tho cause the kid moved.
At my current school I’m happy to say that we actually have in the contract the if a child misbehave we reserve the right to kick him/her out of class. Even small kids. Haven’t done it yet, but nice to know that I can. Even if it’s just for 10 seconds.
Talk to the Japanese staff, ask them to talk to his mother on your behalf. Make it crystal clear you are not happy about it and that’s not funny/cute.
If it still continues after that you could refuse to teach him unless something is done.
One of the best things to do is get the other kids to tell him it’s not okay. Seeing the entire class disapproves should dissuade him even if adults are having a chuckle. Simple English: “Keita: No Touching!” It’s actually a useful things for kids to learn for their own body autonomy.
I’ll try to take a different perspective than others. First of all, would you ever let an adult do this to you? If not, what kind of reaction would you have? You can still defend yourself. Assuming the child is not the hulk or obscenely strong. Second, wear heavy clothing and jeans or dress pants. Wear a heavier shirt. Don’t let anyone violate you ever. Push him away from you. Stop the class and express your displeasure verbally in Japanese. Tell the child NO. Then tell the staff that this is unacceptable and you won’t tolerate it. Then tell them the next step is contacting the police and a lawyer.
Don’t tolerate anything you wouldn’t normally just because your in Japan, or at an eikaiwa or your afraid of losing your job. What would you do in your home country. Do that. Unless you enjoy feeling helpless and playing the victim, but your not.
I tell the student I don’t like kancho. And NO! Then I tell the teacher I don’t like it. Then I tell all the staff I don’t like it! Then if that’s not enough I call my company and tell them! Then I escalate more!
Absolutely could not stand this kind of behavior. The “cute” kid took any chance to punch or kick me in the face or down below. The mother was positively useless. Management would take over the class and said they had no trouble with the kid (teaching him exactly once). Tell me something I didn’t know. I was in that same boat the first time. It was the 4th time and then on. The solution I was given…try changing up your activities. Not helpful at all. There were no solutions. The parents wanted a babysitting service (but expected their kids to be able to speak like they did in commercials without doing any work at home) and the company just wanted the cash.
I eventually had to leave. Though, from what I have heard, the companies are trying to focus more and more on kids. Which is a shame, cause they don’t really prepare anyone for them and they themselves don’t really know what to do…this explains why turnover rates are high.
First off, I’m sorry to hear that and I totally empathise with you. Even though I’m a guy, sometimes kids will be touchy in ways I don’t like and feel are gonna cause problems with them later in life if people don’t teach them now about certain societal norms.
That said, I haven’t read all the responses you got, so hopefully I’m not repeating what others are saying by telling you how I handle these situations.
I bend down to a the child in question and say something like… “I don’t like you doing that to me and I want you to stop. And other people will probably also not like it if you do it to them.”
It’s simple and direct, and if you say it with no embarrassment and total firmness, the child in question will always back down (in my 10 year experience of working at many different kindergartens owned by one company). I’ve not only said this sort of thing to kids before, but I’ve also done so in front of their mommies, and usually their mommies get embarrassed when they realised they can’t just push something to the side as being cute.
Whatever you do, however, all the best!