Hi again community.
This is a difficult write up, so bear with me folks.
(**TRIGGER WARNING**: *This topic deals with suicide and self harm. The support information I was able to find will be linked below. If you or a friend needs help, please don’t hesitate to check it out*).
I’ve been informed that my first ever local Japanese friend sadly departed of their own accord last night. I am still processing the shock as I knew there was some depression because of some debilitating health issues. However, through them befriending me when I first got here and welcoming me to their wonderful family, coupled also with recently showing improved health and interest in social activities, I failed to read the signs.
I am really heartbroken. I have such a small friend circle here and this was my first local friend. It’s been challenging to connect with people here, so this was truly devastating. In the short time since my arrival here, I had really grown attached to the family and participated in a lot of activities with them, especially the kids who really looked forward to all my visits.
I am somewhat blaming myself for not having done enough to reach out more with their depression. I had recently tried to engage more in their Pokemon Otaku lifestyle and getting them Pokemon themed gifts etc. I even have a video the family sent me thanking me for the last gift I had delivered to them last week. Little did I know this video would be the last time I would hear them laugh together as a family. I cherish that video now. It seems just so surreal right now.
I wanted to ask from those that have experienced something similar here, what is the etiquette and advisable tribute as a foreigner that I should observe and offer in accordance with the local grieving customs?
I wanted to head over right away to the family home to offer my condolences and support, but I am worried that is too invasive right now, since I am not a family relative and the grief is still raw for them. However, I’ve been told the rest of the family will be there from the countryside tomorrow.
How do I proceed here? (I am sorry to ask, the last time I had to attend a funeral was when I lost an Aunt a while back). I definitely don’t want to overstep my boundaries, but I really want them to know I am here to give them unequivocal support.
Thank you in advance for your advice! Always appreciated.
**HELPLINE AND INFO:**
**TELL:** LifeLine03-5774-0992(Available daily; please check for exact phone service hours)
**Counseling Inquiries:** 03-4550-1146 (Tokyo)050-4560-1082 (Okinawa) Mon – Fri
I could only find English ones from a cursory search online, any responders feel free to link any other contact information in Japanese (I am still N1 Level so struggle a bit to find some local info ).
2 comments
I don’t have any advice because this is out of my depth but you have a good heart. What I do know is that often they have two funerals, one for the close family and the other one which is more open for friends.
> How do I proceed here?
As you know the family, it is best to ask them. Tell them that you would like to participate and honor your friend who has passed. There’s usually a wake (which is often just the family) and the funeral, which is often broader and has friends, business relations, etc.
If you have a black suit and black tie, that’s best but if not, just wear a white shirt and black pants if you have that. There is usually a special envelope (any conbini will have one- it’s the one without the red colors- usually just black or black and grey) to donate funds to the family to help cover the costs of the funeral if you have the budget to support that. They may not expect anything from you in that way. If you can just share that the friendship meant a lot to you and that you too are grieving, they should appreciate that as well.
I’m sorry for your loss.