Just first and last fits well in Japan. Having a middle name (or worse, “multiple” names in between the first and last), or a hyphenated name, while possible, can be difficult here.
Caring for the baby also means taking care of your significant other to ensure their needs are met, this applies to both you and her. A team can’t function if one member is unhappy.
Don’t badmouth Japanese society to your kid. Your kid will have to live it in, and I’ve seen some kids made toxic and miserable by a parent who doesn’t remember this.
You need to have a filter for advice. People will speak from experience and we all have very different ones. Some people will come to you with phrases like “oh, you have to do this” or “you have up buy that” and *in my experience* 80% of that is bull crap. People who are a little bit ahead in the child rearing process like dishing out wisdom to younglings such as your wife and you. They’re often just looking for confirmation how great they’re doing themselves.
Common sense is great. Most stuff will be covered by that, like don’t drop him. Other than that, stabilize the neck, don’t let him sleep belly down. And enjoy the ride.
No battle plan survives contact with the enemy. Replace contact with the enemy with when mom and kid coming home. Replace battle plan with best laid plans you’ve made before as a couple.
My husband made me miso shiru with added julienned ginger slices to help boost milk production. Not sure if it helped but it was soothing to me.
We also did shifts on feedings. Me daytime, he midnight with bottles. Saved my sanity.
1 parent, 1 language if you’re planning on raising them bilinguals.
Look forward to 2024 when you will be able to have sex (with your wife) again, if ever
Spend as much time as possible with your baby, hold him, play with him, look at him while he sleeps, saturate your phone memory with pictures. In the blink of an eye he’ll walk, become a toddler, and you’ll wonder how the hell time flied so fast.
If possible, take your childcare leave (育児休暇). You get 66% pay for the first 6 months (but it is tax free), and 50% if you take more after that, up to 1 year total.
I took almost a year and I **highly** recommend taking at least 2 months, but 6+ is ideal if you can afford it. Seeing the baby grow up and learn new things is definitely a highlight of my life, and your wife will (hopefully) appreciate the help.
There are differences between American and Japanese public health advice on pregnancy and childcare – don’t let this do your head in, and don’t do your wife’s head in by insisting on the American way. Always reassuring to look at Japan’s infant mortality rate.
You’ll find people online and in real life can be militant about this stuff and it’s easy to feel intimidated as a first-time parent, and worry about the one true way.
It’s better to keep an open mind and see what works for your family.
And congratulations!
All/any hobbies you have now. Were your hobbies. It will remain that way for at least several years. Don’t get bitter, roll with it, it’s a chance to redefine yourself through intimate relationship with others instead of your up til now self-defined identity. It will be lovely and sometimes it won’t.
I do but it’s about 9 months to late. Congratulations.
Enjoy your precious relaxation time while you still can. Seriously, I mean it. After the baby is born, no more you-time or going out drinking for at least a year. Also, take some child care leave. Don’t let your wife suffer through those first 2-3 months by herself. Those first couple months are brutal on your sleep.
​
Besides all that negative stuff: enjoy that precious little creature as much as you can. They change by the day in that first year. Just wait until you see that first gummy smile, that can melt everyone’s heart.
Don’t shake the baby. When you’re exhausted, the baby won’t stop crying and you’re reduced to tears, put the baby down and go outside to clear your mind. As long as you can hear the baby crying you know they’re fine.
Also I agree with the poster talking about advice. After the birth of my daughter I soon realised that everyone has an opinion they just can’t help share. Some of it good, some bad, some awful. You’ll have to pick and choose.
Keep the in-laws at arm’s length. My wife’s mother was extremely controlling and I felt shoved aside. I told my wife how I felt and we worked quickly to resolve it.
Buy a child seat. Your child, like most objects with mass, also obeys the laws of physics.
Do more to help than you think you should.
When your wife feels up to it, take the baby for walks! It’s so nice for bonding and clears the mind. The rocking helps them sleep. My wife and I went hiking with our daughter when she was 3 months old. I don’t necessarily recommend that, but I do recommend getting outside as much as you can.
The above worked well for my family but as with everything take my advice with a grain of salt!
Don’t listen to anyone telling you you wont have sex again, they must be doing something wrong or not taking advantage of opportunity. I haven’t met a single person who has had this happen.
Just help out your wife around the house, do some feedings for her if you can and just do what works for both of you and be supportive. What works for someone else may not work for you.
And you are not useless, any help provided is huge. My husband often felt useless, even though he did everything while I recovered and looked after the baby, even after he went back to work.
Congratulations mate! Our first is due mid March!!! Aussie/Japanese couple.
One thing that has made me really comfortable is picking out the hospital to give birth in! Go for a few consultations at different places to see which “feels” right! Wifey needs to be as comfortable as possible.
I’m so excited for you mate, congratulations 🎉
1. Decide if the baby will be breastfed (and for how long) or formula fed or mixed (rarely useful)
Most births are at hospitals, where they will insist on feeding formula to the baby, and will not provide any useful advice on breastfeeding.
If you intend to breastfeed, get a doula and/or breast massage from “oketani”.
Ofc, if you want more children quickly, then maybe don’t breastfeed.
2. Insist on being present for the birth. Pandemic rules vary, but it should be possible, and your wife will need you to defend her interests when she’s screaming in pain.
Try to avoid episiotomy (read up on that); try to get some “kangaroo care” right after birth; you’ll have to state your wife’s wishes very firmly to the doctor.
3. Get a relative (granny?) to come and help (both housework and womanly advice) for the first few weeks after birth, maybe even start a bit before. That’s pretty common culturally, it’s a good thing.
Sleep now. You won’t be able to later.
If you have or buy a switch for yourself, be aware that the baby will need one too.
20 comments
Congratulations!
Names.
Just first and last fits well in Japan. Having a middle name (or worse, “multiple” names in between the first and last), or a hyphenated name, while possible, can be difficult here.
Caring for the baby also means taking care of your significant other to ensure their needs are met, this applies to both you and her. A team can’t function if one member is unhappy.
Don’t badmouth Japanese society to your kid. Your kid will have to live it in, and I’ve seen some kids made toxic and miserable by a parent who doesn’t remember this.
You need to have a filter for advice. People will speak from experience and we all have very different ones. Some people will come to you with phrases like “oh, you have to do this” or “you have up buy that” and *in my experience* 80% of that is bull crap. People who are a little bit ahead in the child rearing process like dishing out wisdom to younglings such as your wife and you. They’re often just looking for confirmation how great they’re doing themselves.
Common sense is great. Most stuff will be covered by that, like don’t drop him. Other than that, stabilize the neck, don’t let him sleep belly down. And enjoy the ride.
No battle plan survives contact with the enemy. Replace contact with the enemy with when mom and kid coming home. Replace battle plan with best laid plans you’ve made before as a couple.
My husband made me miso shiru with added julienned ginger slices to help boost milk production. Not sure if it helped but it was soothing to me.
We also did shifts on feedings. Me daytime, he midnight with bottles. Saved my sanity.
1 parent, 1 language if you’re planning on raising them bilinguals.
Look forward to 2024 when you will be able to have sex (with your wife) again, if ever
Spend as much time as possible with your baby, hold him, play with him, look at him while he sleeps, saturate your phone memory with pictures. In the blink of an eye he’ll walk, become a toddler, and you’ll wonder how the hell time flied so fast.
If possible, take your childcare leave (育児休暇). You get 66% pay for the first 6 months (but it is tax free), and 50% if you take more after that, up to 1 year total.
I took almost a year and I **highly** recommend taking at least 2 months, but 6+ is ideal if you can afford it. Seeing the baby grow up and learn new things is definitely a highlight of my life, and your wife will (hopefully) appreciate the help.
There are differences between American and Japanese public health advice on pregnancy and childcare – don’t let this do your head in, and don’t do your wife’s head in by insisting on the American way. Always reassuring to look at Japan’s infant mortality rate.
You’ll find people online and in real life can be militant about this stuff and it’s easy to feel intimidated as a first-time parent, and worry about the one true way.
It’s better to keep an open mind and see what works for your family.
And congratulations!
All/any hobbies you have now. Were your hobbies. It will remain that way for at least several years. Don’t get bitter, roll with it, it’s a chance to redefine yourself through intimate relationship with others instead of your up til now self-defined identity. It will be lovely and sometimes it won’t.
I do but it’s about 9 months to late. Congratulations.
Enjoy your precious relaxation time while you still can. Seriously, I mean it. After the baby is born, no more you-time or going out drinking for at least a year. Also, take some child care leave. Don’t let your wife suffer through those first 2-3 months by herself. Those first couple months are brutal on your sleep.
​
Besides all that negative stuff: enjoy that precious little creature as much as you can. They change by the day in that first year. Just wait until you see that first gummy smile, that can melt everyone’s heart.
Don’t shake the baby. When you’re exhausted, the baby won’t stop crying and you’re reduced to tears, put the baby down and go outside to clear your mind. As long as you can hear the baby crying you know they’re fine.
Also I agree with the poster talking about advice. After the birth of my daughter I soon realised that everyone has an opinion they just can’t help share. Some of it good, some bad, some awful. You’ll have to pick and choose.
Keep the in-laws at arm’s length. My wife’s mother was extremely controlling and I felt shoved aside. I told my wife how I felt and we worked quickly to resolve it.
Buy a child seat. Your child, like most objects with mass, also obeys the laws of physics.
Do more to help than you think you should.
When your wife feels up to it, take the baby for walks! It’s so nice for bonding and clears the mind. The rocking helps them sleep. My wife and I went hiking with our daughter when she was 3 months old. I don’t necessarily recommend that, but I do recommend getting outside as much as you can.
The above worked well for my family but as with everything take my advice with a grain of salt!
Don’t listen to anyone telling you you wont have sex again, they must be doing something wrong or not taking advantage of opportunity. I haven’t met a single person who has had this happen.
Just help out your wife around the house, do some feedings for her if you can and just do what works for both of you and be supportive. What works for someone else may not work for you.
And you are not useless, any help provided is huge. My husband often felt useless, even though he did everything while I recovered and looked after the baby, even after he went back to work.
Congratulations mate! Our first is due mid March!!! Aussie/Japanese couple.
One thing that has made me really comfortable is picking out the hospital to give birth in! Go for a few consultations at different places to see which “feels” right! Wifey needs to be as comfortable as possible.
I’m so excited for you mate, congratulations 🎉
1. Decide if the baby will be breastfed (and for how long) or formula fed or mixed (rarely useful)
Most births are at hospitals, where they will insist on feeding formula to the baby, and will not provide any useful advice on breastfeeding.
If you intend to breastfeed, get a doula and/or breast massage from “oketani”.
Ofc, if you want more children quickly, then maybe don’t breastfeed.
2. Insist on being present for the birth. Pandemic rules vary, but it should be possible, and your wife will need you to defend her interests when she’s screaming in pain.
Try to avoid episiotomy (read up on that); try to get some “kangaroo care” right after birth; you’ll have to state your wife’s wishes very firmly to the doctor.
3. Get a relative (granny?) to come and help (both housework and womanly advice) for the first few weeks after birth, maybe even start a bit before. That’s pretty common culturally, it’s a good thing.
Sleep now. You won’t be able to later.
If you have or buy a switch for yourself, be aware that the baby will need one too.