Personal history first.
Me and my wife and daughters moved to Japan about 9 weeks ago (wife is japanese of course) We were living in the US for 8 years before that.
So we decided to live with her parents at first because they have a big house, and they love seeing their granddaughters.
And of course living with them helps us to cut down on living expenses and just overall stress that comes with relocating to a different country.
Everything is great EXCEPT there has been a huge decline in our love life.
I have been told by some japanese friends that japanese women in general are very skittish about doing that kind of thing at their parents house.
But we have our own room…completel privacy at night, and we are one floor above her parents room and across a long hallway so even the thin walls aren’t really an issue.
I have asked her why she is so reluctant and she says ‘someone will hear’
Or
‘My parents will know’
While i can respect her concerns about that, i feel like shes a bit paranoid.
Just to compare.
When we lived in America, we had sex about 4 to 5 times a week. (I guess we are both kind of too げんき )
We have been in Japan for 9 weeks and we have only had sex 5 times..it’s a huge drop
And honestly the quality has dropped too.
My wife is so worried about making the slightest sound….there is no opportunity to maneuver like the old days.
And before I’m asked the obvious
Love hotels aren’t an option
My wife is SUPER thrifty and refuses to spend one yen on a hotel room just for that purpose.
Lastly, work life and daily stress really aren’t a factor either.
We have basically been living like an extended vacation for the last nine weeks, using our plentiful savings.
My wife did start a job about a week ago, but I’m talking about the eight weeks before that.
Is what I’m describing familiar to any other couples here?
If you have been in a similar situation, how did you navigate it?
Is there some way to bring the love life to its former glory days?
Are there any tips or tricks you have found useful for circumventing what seems to be kind of a cultural reluctance about this situation?
14 comments
>I have been told by some japanese friends that japanese women in general are very skittish about doing that kind of thing at their parents house.
I’ve found, over the years of having girlfriends invite me to visit their parents, that women in general are skittish about their parents knowing they’re doing the nasty. Japaneseness has absolutely nothing to do with it.
>But we have our own room…completel privacy at night, and we are one floor above her parents room and across a long hallway so even the thin walls aren’t really an issue.
That’s not really the issue, that’s you trying to justify.
>I have asked her why she is so reluctant and she says ‘someone will hear’ Or
>’My parents will know’
Yep, that’s her concern.
>While i can respect her concerns about that, i feel like shes a bit paranoid.
“I can respect her concerns, but, I don’t actually respect her concerns.”
Get your own place. Her parents don’t mind you staying for a while but it’s been 9 weeks, you’re supporting a wife and child, you should be able to afford your own place. Even then expect as your child grows up she is going to become reluctant again for the same reasons.
This is not cultural at all.
>Are there any tips or tricks you have found useful for circumventing what seems to be kind of a cultural reluctance about this situation?
It’s called a “love hotel” for a reason. Maybe find one that’s got a point system so you can bang 3 get one free! You know, appeal to her thrifty side!
Advice: Get your own place.
Send the in-laws on a nice vacation
“Hey awesome grandparents! How about you take the lovely grandchildren to the movies this weekend. Have a great time! Byeee!”
_plinkity plonk music starts playing from inside the house…_
**or…**
“Hey lovely grandparents! Me and the missus wanna go see this cool scary movie tonight. Can you look after the grand kids this evening?”
_Tires screech as the car pulls into the love hotel…_
1) Put your dick back in your pants.
2) Grow the “FUCK UP”.
3) It’s not about having SEX –
-IT’S about having a loving, caring, understanding, relationship for a lifetime.
4) Are you fucking a 16 year old goofball or a responsible married man.
5) If you can not understand and have empathy with your wife’s needs – YOU ARE A FUCKIN’ CHILDISH JERK.
6) And if you do not like what I said –tough -GO JERK OFF IN THE SHOWER.
7) You have children -act like a mature MAN not a walking talking dickhead.
You should realise that insisting that there won’t be any noise isn’t going to help. The very thought that there might be noise, or the creepy feeling of shagging in the same place your parents are sleeping, might mean she just simply doesn’t fee aroused. You can’t convince someone they should have sex. Implying that she is “paranoid” might turn her off you completely.
This is not cultural apart from the fact that wafer thin Japanese walls might exacerbate the situation.
Get your own place man. And pro-tip: get your own place before not having sex becomes the “new normal”. What she is saying makes sense anyway.
Love hotels are fun and cheap
Just book 5 times a week a love hotel that can’t get refund. This way it’s a sunk cost and doesn’t have to stingy.
Then in the meantime find your own place.
>So we decided to live with her parents
>
>I have asked her why she is so reluctant and she says ‘someone will hear’ or my parents will know’
^
>Is there some way to bring the love life to its former glory days?
> Rent your own place. She doesn’t feel comfortable/that げんき while living in there.
Get your own place. FFS, get out of her parents house. That alone would alleviate her main issue. Also, if you have joint bank accounts, just spend somemoney on anight out, just the two of you, and cap it off with a surprise visit to an upscale love hotel. Yes, they exist. They aren’t all some skeevy back alley place with a broken neon sign.
Two of my kids moved back home even before COVID. I haven’t had sex with anyone other than Rosie in 3 years…
Shhh!
*”Plentiful savings” …. “So we decided to live with her parents at first” …”And of course living with them helps us to cut down on living expenses”*
Oooookaaaay then…doesn’t make any sense at all.
I also wouldn’t want to bang the Mrs regularly if we lived with my folks too, to be honest.
Use some of those “plentiful savings” and move out.
As an Asian married woman, doing that under my parents’ roof is the last thing I’d ever want to do. It could be cultural, or it might not be. Cultural wise, Asian daughters don’t usually acknowledge that kind of stuff with our parents. It’d be so awkward if even the slightest sound may be heard by our parents, even when we are already married. Non-cultural reason wise, knowing the grandparents are within seconds of reach in the same house isn’t exactly arousing.
Some people may be fine with getting it on in their childhood home with their aging parents in the same house, but you have to respect your wife’s wishes considering her parents are letting your family stay with them.
If your wife is hesitant to spend money on a love hotel, make it a nice date night with a romantic dinner beforehand. If it’s on an anniversary or a special day, it’d be even better because maybe it’ll justify the price of a resorting to a hotel.
Also, like others have said, you should get your own place.