I initially came to this subreddit because I was interested in living in Japan and because I wanted to read about people’s experiences in Japan and get advice from people who are older and more experienced than me. I have received some helpful advice from some kind people, and I am grateful for the people who took the time to talk to me.
But one thing I am extremely bothered by is the relentless negativity on this sub. The bitterness, toxicity, and egotism I have seen on here is worse than any community I have ever seen.
This community is a opportunity to connect people who otherwise could have never connected before, an opportunity to offer support to other people going through the same struggles that you are currently going through or went through previously. But instead of doing that people seem fixated on telling others that they are naive, that they will never be able to achieve their goals and dreams. I understand being brutally honest with people, there is nothing wrong with that, but belittling them and insulting them is something different.
**To all the people putting others down like this:** You will happy to know that every single person on this subreddit will eventually have their dreams crushed by reality, without exception, because this world is already a brutal enough as it is.
Of course young people are naive, they don’t know any better because they are young. But being somebody who is old and experienced and choosing to use your knowledge to put down a young person so you can feel superior to them is honestly pathetic. As somebody who has a lack of self confidence and didn’t get a lot of encouragement growing up, getting even a small amount of support really means a lot to me. And I’m sure many others on here feel the same. So if you’re in a position to offer encouragement or discouragement to a young person who you have never met before, somebody who is in a situation similar to the one you were in, why do so many people feel the need to put others down?
All that is going to be left of you after you are dead is the effect that you had on others while you were on this Earth. Do you really want to be the person who sat around gatekeeping on the internet, discouraging others?
Thanks for reading. I really needed to get this off my chest.
37 comments
I agree with most of this. Unfortunately, it’s the way of Reddit. I got downvoted for asking questions here before. It’s unfortunate, but it seems encouragement comes few and far between in here. Thank you for the input though. I’m sure many people can relate.
‘your question is stupid’
‘have you tried Google’
‘you must be lying’
classic stuff really. and let’s not forget the duality of the r/japanlifer:
1) if they make less than me they are to be belittled; and
2) if they make more than me they are to be downvoted.
Well said, I often find the mentality here seeping into my own on occasion. It is unfortunate what being a “special foreigner in a foreign country” does to people. At the root of it all is an insecurity.
I hope you have the fortune to never find your way over to the circle-jerk reddit based on this one. It is what you described in a concentrated form. So ridiculous
Agreed. Lots of negativity but that probably reflects their reality and their outlook on life. Or, they’re just trolls.
Regardless, that definitely isn’t the case for many of us. I’ve loved living here for well over two decades, and have a family here that I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else with. Japan is a great country. Yeah it’s got loads of fuckin issues which can have you banging your head against a wall daily, but it can be an amazing place.
If you’re interested in living here you should definitely come check it out! At least for a few years!
I can’t go a day in this sub without someone shitting on OP no matter how positive or unfortunate the thread is.
Yes, some people on here are so judgmental….. instead of positive words or help its the you`re idiot for not thinking about it before.. others seem like their in the running for “foreigner of the month” instead of realistically looking at the problem and giving decent advice…..
my first post I got slack for not using quotations correctly,,,,who cares!!!!! I was trying to help the situation and my bird chews off the keys on my keyboard…so I miss keys sometimes….not relevant…
Honestly it gets absolutely ridiculous at times. I’ve seen people make some truly laughable claims about the country and its people here.
Lots of folks here are rather jaded and like to take it out online. It’s a mix of arrogance (“I know Japan better than you”) and self-loathing that the rose-tinted lenses of living in anime land were shattered long ago, and jealousy of that feeling being optimistic about moving to Japan.
In all seriousness though, it’s not easy being an expat anywhere, and culture shock and associated frustration is real. Keep your spirits high and don’t let them take you down.
This is a problem with forums in general since the 90’s.
Eventually they just become stale as a group of crusty assholes fossilize and lord their power over a group of sycophants who want a mod position (for whatever reason).
The people with real lives, who needed info or something quick, come and go, and leave a thin sheen of scum on top of everything, making the “old timers” feel like something has been lost or polluted. They don’t know it, they can’t put their finger on it, but they know it’s there, and they become crustier for it.
It’s the same with everything, it’s the human condition. Somehow, reddit hangs on through sheer force of marketing power and internet presence, finding new souls to feed into the meat grinder.
Terrible place for negativity, especially everyone piling on top of the good Dr. Bergé
A word of advice from an old timer:
1) If you want to make the most of your time here and experience the most growth possible stay off the internet as much as possible.
I have seen too many foreigners who live life almost exclusively online through games, movies, music and often justify it as stress relief or staying connected to friends or family back home. Little do you realize that you are letting this opportunity to experience, study, and live in Japan pass you by not fully being here.
2) Interact with non-japanese people as little as possible for the first few years you are here.
These relationships can be very rich and rewarding, but they often become a security crutch which keeps you from growing. The “closed off ness” or shyness of Japanese people that many foreigners feel when they come here is oftentimes exacerbated by the foreign herd and can further impede your ability to make Japanese friends.
Also, these relationships can turn into the blind leading the blind giving you an inaccurate lens to view life here. (This sub is a prime example at times)
It’s hard, scary, and frustrating at times. But the rewards are so much more rich and sweet when you press on.
3) It’s easier to make Japanese friends if you realize from the get go that these relationships are different from ones back home. Group settings are not for serious topic or deep conversations. Those sometimes, but not always, show up in one on one conversations.
For the majority of adult (non students) it’s almost impossible to just call up a person and meet up for coffee 30 min later. For many people, you will need to set up a date oftentimes a week or two weeks out just to hang out. But this will allow you to become friends with a more diverse crowd.
I’m sorry if these thoughts are overly scattered, Ive been up since 3:30 this morning and am about to go to bed.
All this to say…
It’ll take time and there will be times of feeling terribly lonely, but the relationships formed, and experiences had will be precious.
I really get where you’re coming from….
But I feel like we need that to counter the toxic, fetishistic Japan worship on the rest of reddit.
I’ve noticed this about many Japan-related subs, including this one, r/movingtojapan , and r/jetprogramme as well. I don’t know what it is about Japan that attracts toxic foreigners with main character syndrome who desperately need to take a chill pill.
Truthfully this sort of post comes up a few months after people land here, realize they’re woefully unprepared, and then use the sub to fish for answers for basic questions they usually don’t make an effort to find themselves. That itself isn’t all that bad but the members who have been around for a while see that pattern constantly repeat and toss some shade towards those users to kind of keep it from getting out of control.
I joined the sub to get a feel for how things work here when I first moved. Wish I’d left the sub years ago but social media can be addicting..
Like someone said above, I never noticed any exacerbated negativity, probably because it’s a huge counter for the fetishistic “Japan is perfect, the only reason why you disagree is because you don’t understand the great Yamato culture and can’t speak Japanese”
I often wonder what the point of this subreddit even is. 90% of the posts I come across are downvoted to zero. Everybody who posts a question has to start by apologizing to these miserable fucks how they tried so hard to find the answer by themselves, but just couldn’t do it and are resorting to disturbing the almighty japanlifers. It’s honestly just kind of sad.
And yeah, some questions could be easily answered by a Google search. But this is an open Internet forum, and more importantly a community. I know Reddit isn’t an extremely positive place to begin with, but r/japanlife brings it down to a whole new level. It should be the best place to ask questions. And if the question doesn’t pertain to you, just move on. The amount of energy that is wasted on downvoting people and leaving negative comments is mind boggling.
If it wasn’t for the occasional nugget of wisdom posted here, it wouldn’t be worth being a part of this subreddit. But, here we are I guess.
I’m just here and I got a bunch of free time
You see negative comments from the same core group of power users here.
I have RES which keeps track of downvotes and I often tag someone if they say some really dumb or mean shit, like antivaxx
But because they’re the heavy/power users on this subreddit, nothing will change. Just an observation. Most people here are good, same group of negative people are negative (even if they aren’t most of the time, the times they are negative it’s really negative). The trolls are downvoted to oblivion which is nice.
For me this sub are still under control , the negativity here are still appropriate generally. It is ten time better than the shit hole next door which is r/japan.
Some of the comments on this sub can be quickly answered by searching on Google, have already been answered before, or are too far-fetched to answer without giving a jaded answer.
When an objective response to an OP is offered, and long-term expats who have lived most of their life in Japan all agree, but the OP then gets unruly and thinks they can do something that is theoretically possible, but the chance of success is less than 1/100,000 of 1%, don’t expect a rosy answer. But serious questions are usually treated well.
Anyone is free to ask for free advice, but free is free. Those who take time to answer don’t have to do so. By the same token, someone who has a dream and comes over on a student visa and then plans to change to Japan because they speak English, those who have the skills and knowledge become tired of explaining that Japan is not anime and sushi every night. It’s a great country, but the amount of work needed to be somewhat successful here requires 100X the energy of many countries.
So if an answer seems gnarly, look at the question first, and the reason for some salty answers can be more easily understood.🤓
I’ve received some really great advice on here and in the Japanfinance sub. Some people on here have some in depth knowledge about Japanese politics, taxes, history or just life in general and it’s awesome to read these high quality posts and comments.
But yeah, there is a lot of negativity going around for sure. We all have bad days and feel like making snarky comments but what as soon as I see the other person is a troll, I just block them. “Ain’t nobody got time for dat”
(there are some questions on here sometimes that OP could figure out themselves by simply googling it)
part of it is that mods tend to ban people for being mean to people who complain, but seem to encourage being a type of rookie crusher for new people coming to japan.
Lady was complaining about noise at a local elementary school, complaining that obviously the teachers were horrendous at their job because she was having trouble working from home, and put no effort into doing anything on her end to adjust the problem. Needless to say, I have a lot of respect for educators and I was irate, berated her a little bit.
-banned for 7 days-
I’m also shadow banned from posting as my posts don’t show up for some reason half the time. Maybe all my posts have to be approved manually, I dunno.
Meh, I am old enough to not care anymore.
I just try to be as helpful as possible. I have never downvoted anyone on reddit and I personally don’t care if I get it either.
I have no ill will towards anyone on reddit. I think at the very worst there are people I wouldn’t hang out with.
It’s not just older people that are negative. Some of the older people have gotten through their jerk phase and are actually really decent people, seeing through the crap, whereas some of the younger people have real attitude problems.
Negative is one thing, but the bitterness is really something that sucks everything into the void. Seems like there are quite a few entitled people with main character syndrome or more likely, only experienced racism for the first time while being blind to it happening in their own country and start lashing out as a result.
Going to be brutally honest here, your social and financial status is more of an indicator of happiness ANYWHERE on Earth rather than the place itself. You’re not going to suddenly be a main character walking on rainbows just because you stepped into an exotic country. Again, it depends on your social and financial situation everything else being equal. Sounds blindingly obvious but it should give you an insight why this place is a hellhole of negativity.
I’d humbly say SCREW the negative people – When you come to Japan for any length of time it enriches your life forever. Most people never leave their countries so no matter how weird/frustrating it can get here I’m glad to have an interesting time.
Seems like OP should be banned because of rule 3?
I don’t think it’s as bad as you are claiming. There are lots of very nice people here who are helpful, supportive and post very useful information. Also I think a bit of negativity is OK. It’s funny.
Always fun when someone who doesn’t live in Japan comes and tells the rest of us that we should shut up with our stories about living in Japan because it doesn’t live up to their rosy expectations…
A good number of people here mistake being an expat in Japan as a substitute for a personality and hinge their entire identity on it as if that makes them interesting. That comes with the baggage of eventually becoming a brooding and jaded grouch who feels the need to gatekeep to protect their identity.
OP is here to save us
Lucky us
1. Prob cos people ask the same questions everyday.
2. Japan attracts the weirdest foreigners. I lived in Australia for over 20 years and I’ve met more weirdos in the 2 years I’ve lived here
3. This community is full of jaded expats, even more than r/Korea or r/China.
4. Weebs vs Jaded expats. JCJ used to have more of a presence but I feel that subculture affected many Japan related subreddits. Pretty much a bunch of people in their 30-50s who have lived here a long time and it has become their only personality trait to boast about their 20 million a month salary and native level Japanese skills.
5. Discussion about everything that is wrong with the ESL industry has become stale so there’s nothing to do but make fun of weebs, FOB white dudes asking how to get a girlfriend and not an ordinary girlfriend at that, but a JAPANESE girlfriend.
6. Mods are incompetent.
Meh, I haven’t found it to be half as toxic as everyone complains about. People sometimes act snarky when the 10th “how do I divorce” or “what’s this button on my Aircon” thread comes up. On novel, interesting, and/or well thought out questions I rarely see that kind of behavior.
>The bitterness, toxicity, and egotism I have seen on here is worse than any community I have ever seen.
You must be new to the internet lol
Atsui ne
You have a point, but also…
Posts pasts 24h: visa question, should I bring my desktop to japan, where to buy a scarf online, tattoo question, and basically a “I was completely unprepared and didn’t bother to do any research before my move to japan” post.
If this is in response to the comments on your “[Employment after Language School](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/vyocug/employment_after_language_school/)” thread, yes some of the comments were negative…
But on the whole, those who commented were trying to give you realistic expectations and helpful advice.
You asked folks in this subreddit for advice and opinions & received just that – the advice and opinions of others. Not liking the opinions & advice you received =/= negativity.
Hope you hit that N1 goal of yours, nail down a good job and prove everyone wrong.