I am new to Tokyo. I haven’t tried anything yet.
I was speaking with my friend today about random things and when the dating came up he straight up told it’s non-existent for non white / non American guys and absolutely 0 for brown guys. At first I thought he was not lucky but then 2 other guys told me the same.
I am brown and I wanted to know how much truth is there to that statement.
Is it really that hard for non white or non American to find a date?
24 comments
Yes it’s true. Japanese covet their light skin and don’t want or like darker skin people. Maybe if you go to a military city you might have a chance.
I’m out of the dating game since before I moved here, but I saw a darker brown guy and local on a date today.
Tokyo is a big city, and while you’re most likely going to experience some colourism, don’t give up! There are lots of metropolitan Japanese people out there!
I see tons of half-brown kids so no it’s not 0.
Maybe it depends on what kind of brown you are.
From what people say in this sub, as long as you go to the hub you will meet a Hanako sooner or later. After that happens, you will become a member of the weekly “ help i want to divorce hanako/hanako is pregnant/ hanako made me reach out the burger” posts
One of my good friends (Japanese girl) dated and then married a guy from Sri Lanka, so it’s not impossible. That said, she’s on the large side (with a very pretty face and great personality, though) and so probably has a lot less options with J-dudes, who in my experience are far less accepting of thicc girls.
It’s not so much your skin color, but your language level and cultural understanding.
If you speak Japanese well and can vibe with Japanese people, there should be no issue, everything else held equal.
Of course there is a small minority of Japanese who worship whiteness in itself, but why would anyone be interested in dating these people?
I’m brown but also a woman. Try going to the universities. My university in the states was an exchange school for a few of the major Japanese universities and many of the Japanese and Korean students are interested in dating outside of their race or are rather interested in Black American culture. I’ve been on plenty of dates and was even engaged at one point (until his parents didn’t approve – this happens a lot). Many of my women Japanese friends also dated darker people and wanted to have long term relationships but their parents didn’t approve for long term.
TL;DR: try universities that have exchange programs in the states. Look for groups that are interested in things from your culture. Know that it may not be long term because parents don’t approve. Also note that there are major cultural differences, you need to study up and be prepared. Be safe and have fun.
Just posted in another thread about the time I saw a Japanese girl and a Bangladeshi guy coming out of the toilet together in a bar.
Your friend is straight up wrong. My wedding party had all my friends from LA come out. No white dudes from east LA. A few Mexican dudes, a African American dude and an Asian mix. They all had so much game I was amazed. The Asian dude was the most popular easy. None of them described themselves as brown and had confidence. Be who you are and you’ll be fine.
Also you can try dating other Foreigners here. Most Foreign women are pretty well invisible here except for sexual hookups so when a guy is actually interested in a relationship it is pretty rare.
I would say that the gigantic cultural differences would make it difficult to date a Japanese person who hasn’t spent considerable time outside of Japan. Not impossible, but very difficult. Unless you’re fluent in Japanese or them in English too, navigating those differences would be extremely difficult too. You might have better luck trying to date other foreigners.
My colleague is British but originally from India. He has a Japanese wife.
Yes. Just by being a foreigner in itself limits the dating pool. Then when you include language barriers, such as not being able to speak Japanese, then you reduce it even more.
Then of course people have their preferences. They are attracted to different types of people, and Japanese people are generally attracted to lighter skin colors, like those you see in Kpop or from white people. So being brown and black reduces the dating pool even more, then if you had the racial stereotypes that many have, even more.
Then you have others like jobs, age, even area you live in.
Then after all those filters, you have to actually be good looking or have a good character.
While obviously not impossible, it definitely is disadvantageous, and anyone that says it isn’t is lying to you.
I am a 日本育ち (Japan -raised) brown guy here. I would say if you’re hot and イケメン, you may have a greater chance of getting into a relationship easily, but if you’re not then it’s a bit difficult, but not impossible.( unfortunately that’s the truth) One more thing for brown boys, it depends on the city too, my city has this influx of brown guys coming as students every year and the majority don’t follow the culture here and there have been reports of harassment too. So the image isn’t particularly good here for the past 2-3 years. Meanwhile on the other side, Toyama prefecture is filled with brown boys specially Pakistani and the girls there are also into brown boys(mostly because Toyama has good Gaijins), and the prefecture itself is so fun despite it being a inaka.
Depends on your standards, tbh but it’s a hill to climb. I’ve had similar friends who want to date jdrama level girls and they’ve been single for years.
Totally not realistic.
Not true at all! Go out in Roppongi
No you will be fine.
Just be aware that a certain subset is not open minded and not going to be romantically available. Converse to this there is going to be a small subset that is very much seeking you based on your racial background, to the point of fetishization, and those are the ones you will want to avoid at all costs.
Learn the language as much as you can with the intention of making friends and the right types of people will come into your life; in the meantime there are those fetish freaks if you(and they) need a hookup.
I’d say skill issue too
It would have taken you a long time, but I will give you a hint…
It’s not about skin color.
It’s about understanding how to approach, talk, and create a relationship.
If you weren’t popular in your home country, and didn’t have the skills to mingle, and make a relationship, you are already entering the J-dating market on HARD mode.
Because not only do you have to build your basic skills up, but you have to do it with no experience navigating the Japanese ritual dating process.
If you had the basic skills necessary, including self-esteem, all you would need to do is tweak your skill set to adjust to the Japanese culture.
You need a mentor, you need somebody with receipts with any girls, J or not, to teach these things. Your friends are self-defeatist, try to find an experienced friend to teach you how it is done.
My tip? Screw Tokyo; go to Yokosuka. Plenty of foreigners there thanks to the Navy base so they’re super cool with foreigners. Just make sure you go to Doubita Street aka “The Honch”; that’s where the action is. Plus if all else fails, you could always shack up with some of the military personnel.
Depends on the person. In Japan, I often see Black-Japanese and Southeast Asian-Japanese couples. People who are not popular with the Japanese often blame their race, but in the end, it’s a personal problem. Actually, there are a lot of white people who are not popular in Japan. It’s not your race, it’s not your skin color, it’s your personally.
One of my best colleagues is Nepali and he’s married to a Japanese girl. He told me that most of his Nepali and Indian male friends married girlfriends they’ve met back in Nepal or India.
In my university Indian girls dated Japanese/Black/Caucasian dudes. Guys tended to gather in groups and it kinda scared girls (not only Japanese). Only a few actually dated locals (and these were guys who didn’t bother to hand out with non Indian crowd).
So, I’d say it’s possible and depends on your personality. And after all, if a girl wants only white/only Black/only Korean (you name it) boyfriend, do you actually want to date her?
Is it me or are darkies in Japan, infinitely more thirsty than white dudes?
Maybe its because I can fuck all races without prejudice (or attentive effort) that I actively really don’t pay any attention to these bizarre racial hierarchies.
Anyways don’t worry mate, I’ll steal her from you anyway. I got blue eyes and broad shoulders innit. See you at the Hub tomorrow.