Hey Guys,
I have been living in japan for some time and I find the dating scene really boring. I speak Japanese and have no issues meeting girls and going on dates. However I often have to talk a lot during the date and create topics while the girls stay quiet and just answer questions or listen to my stories.
They are interested as they always follow up and ask to meet again, go on trips together, but I find it really tough to take the connection to the next level as I lose interest after a while.
Anyone else experienced this? Did you push through it and how?
many thanks!
3 comments
Sometimes you just have to say something to the effect of “if I didn’t take the initiative with conversation 100% of the time, would we just sit here in silence?”.
In my experience, the issue you’re experiencing isn’t limited to Japanese culture, I had similar experiences back in the U.K.
I can see where you’re coming from.
There was a time where Japanese women were very talkative, nuanced, and cultured because that was their role as the fair lady, to entertain the guests while the husband was away. It was during the times of the geisha.
If you put the same amount of pressure that women of those times used to burden on the current Japanese women, there will nervous breakdowns, and suicides left, and right. The older generation was trained to be fair lady from the very beginning, they were schooled in the art of conversation, in calligraphy, in encyclopedias, in manners, in ritual dining, tea ceremonies, and the like.
Now Japanese women, more or less, have a global outlook, meaning they respond to things like instagram, twitter, selfies, fashion, and boy bands like the rest of the girls world-wide.
You could say you learned Japanese, but you just landed a girl like any other of these times.
I know it shatters the whole build-up of ”Japanese girls are so different”, but this isn’t 1870.
Japanese girls realize the pressure of their predecessors, and instead would rather not deal with the carrying a conversation if possible, and would like you to carry that burden yourself. You gotta find the balance, because if you keep talking, she’ll get bored.
And like any girl, if she’s not talking, she’s not that interested.
If you are looking for something different, why not find a subculture, study it, and find a girl from it which you can relate to? Not just because you can speak the same language, that’s kind of lacking substance.
It’s the same as finding a girl in your country that you have nothing in common with, no chemistry, no spark. Look at that situation, you speak the same language, don’t you?
You’re coming in here expecting the jouzu LEVEL 99, treat me like a god because I can speak your language to a degree. Shallow hal. THINK FOR A SECOND. #Entitlement
In my experience, that usually happens when there isn’t much common ground. If you want real conversation, you need to find someone with some shared hobbies or interests, but that’s not a guarantee either as some people are just naturally shy/quiet.
If a girl ever says to me that her hobbies are “shopping, going to cafes with friends, watching Gossip Girl and looking at Instagram/TikTok,” I pretty much run the other way.
Doesn’t matter how pretty she is if she’s that vapid (from my point of view.)