Hello!
We are a Chinese/American married couple with two newborns. My husband is considering taking a career opportunity in Japan. I am aware that Japan doesn’t yet recognize same-sex marriage…
Questions: Does anyone have experience with **same-sex parents** in Japan? Do public schools emphasize mom/dad lesson material? Should we consider international American schools?
I am very hesitant! The main draw for us is the safety levels and gun control (coming from a politically and violently charged country). Please any advice, stories, or opinions are welcome. But, we must consider the social scape of LGBT+ for our family.
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Thank you
6 comments
Before you start worrying about school content you need to be worrying about almost *everything* else first.
How are you going to be joining your husband in Japan? You mentioned you’re aware that Japan doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage, but are you aware of the logistical hurdles that presents? You will not be eligible for a dependent visa, so in order to join him you’ll need to find your own job, or enroll in a school at fairly significant cost to get a visa.
There are also a lot of potential headaches and issues regarding your children as well, again stemming from the whole “doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage” thing. You will run into countless issues regarding schooling, health care decisions, and all the other things that you might take for granted now. Think about all the things that same-sex couples in the US had to do to make a family in the past. Things as simple as “talking to your children’s teachers” become more more complicated when you’re not recognized as a legal parent.
As to the actual educational content: Yes. Literally everything your children are exposed to in school will be heteronormative. And because same-sex couples/marriage/families are so rare in Japan, there’s a high probability that your kids will have some serious social issues if/when “my two dads” becomes common knowledge. It might be straight-up bullying, or it could be *very* intense curiosity that only differs from bullying due to lack of malicious intent.
I think placing your kids in an international school would help your situation and your worry. Speaking to the principle and your kids futute advisor so they could be knowledgable about same sex marriage etc.. and theyll accomodate you for sure.
Speak to the schools first before moving to japan would be best.
I’m a foreign parent, but in a heterosexual marriage— the way the demographics of this sub likely skew, you may have more knowledgeable responses from LGBTQ-specific communities or parent communities. Places like “Parents with Kids in Japanese Schools” on FB or similar.
I will say that in general I am saddened by the mom/dad type of material at the yochien level (though ours is a private school). Though our more official documents sent home always have more relationship-neutral terms, the things the kids learn is always mom-focused.
For example, my kid has memorized the rules for going home, which includes things like “hold MOM’s hand.” It’s also always assumed mom is attending the events, though I see many dads too. The teachers say “Thank your mom for you bento!” Etc, etc. I hope at our school they adopt more inclusive language in the future.
ETA: and I forgot about the PTA, which at my school is of course named 母の会. It is currently all moms. I wonder if they’ve ever even had a dad attend!
Plenty of countries that have safer gun control than US. Move to Europe. You’ll have a much better time. Visit Japan on holiday.
While it’s possible, it’s a lot of work. Talk to an immigration lawyer and good luck to you.
Thank you everyone! I appreciate your feedback.
I will get in touch with some immigration lawyers in municipalities that have legal same-sex unions.
Though the salary for us would triple and it is safe, there is a lot to consider. Thank you again!