Large group of friends planning a trip to Japan. I’m kind of anxious…

Basically 9 of us – myself included – are planning a trip to Japan. Originally it was slated to be 4-6, but I’ve been vetoed.

Generally I feel like 9 people trying to spend 3 weeks in multiple cities without a guide or travel agent is going to turn into a collosal fuckup. I’m not keen on saving up to 5 grand just so I can waste it getting lost at a station or fight over lodging.

Opinions? We have about a year and a half to plan.

I’m considering forming a smaller group or suggesting we split the current group into different parties.

48 comments
  1. If you disagree on some aspect of the trip, just split the trip for some part of it and meet back in Tokyo or w/e.

    No reason to be attached at the hip with your travel companions

  2. Unless you’re one of those people that LOVE planning and logistics, that’s a lot of people to organize. Also that’s a lot of different opinions and preferences. Not everyone is going to like the same thing.

    If I were you I’d share the workload with someone and split into 2 or 3 groups. You can still meet up for dinner or certain activities but at least you’re not attached at the hip.

  3. I’m in a similar boat. And we’re simply not hanging out often. We’re flying in together and that’s about it. Let people do whatever they want. You don’t have to be together 24/7

  4. I don’t have 9 friends to consider going on a trip together with, but in my opinion the best compromise is to see if the group can be split smaller. That is, unless it is an all-encompassing tour when you’re on a bus, etc.

    Even when I went to Japan in high school, the only time we were together as a whole group (about 15 people total if I remember correctly) was when we were at the hotel or traveling between sights. And even when we were split up, my group was only myself, my friend and our teacher.

    One way to plan it could be to allocate some days where you go to places that the whole group wants to go to, and then other days when everyone can do whatever they want and smaller groups can form naturally that way. I could never see a group of 9 working out flawlessly unless you’re all super tight-knit.

  5. If you still want to travel with the group and not split up completely, you could try to agree on which cities you want to go to. For example Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, Hiroshima or whatever. Then you’d have to agree on how long to stay where. Book the same hotel, but fill your days however you like. And if other ppl of the group have the same interest, they can form a smaller group and visit the places together. In the evening you can go to a restaurant or izakaya with the whole group and talk about your day.

  6. I’ve done big travel groups (bigger than 9) and it is challenging. I’d recommend finding out what the top activities/food/sites that people will want to do and just plan on doing those things together. So if your trip is planned to be 14 days, plan the major outings across the two weeks.

    Everyone else can find their own lodging, transportation, meals, etc. I’ve found that some groups/people don’t travel well with others (i.e., some people are early risers, schedule-focused, sticklers to a strict budget, while others are more go-with-the-flow). People who want to opt for fancier lodging can do so, others can go the economical route.

    We planned a big group trip to Japan in 2020 (think 25+ people: a few families with kids) but it was canceled due to COVID. But this is how we planned it out: must-do outings together, but all the extra stuff are optional/as wanted.

  7. man I can’t imagine doing that. doing 2 sets of couples is hard enough. I’ve done 6 before but they understood that they didn’t have any autonomy as I had to prebook everything since tables or rooms for 6 are not as easy to come by.

    Agree to meet at one attraction per day then split out for meals/shopping/etc

  8. I got a bunch of people together for a snow trip there once.. never again.. now when we plan a trip, we give people our dates/times and if they show up, so be it!

  9. If you’re already feeling uncomfortable half a year before the trip even started I think it would be best not to go through with it. You’ll likely get into arguments already at the planning stage, not to mention what might happen when you’re already there.

    I once went to Korea and Japan with a girl I’ve met only once before at a convention (due to similar interest) and she ended up doing all the planning for us because I was in the middle of my master’s defense etc. She said it was no problem and she liked to do that, I should not worry. ok. End of story, I spent 3 horrible weeks with her there, had to follow her around because she had done all the booking and had all the infos. She was terrible and selfish and I even got sick on the trip and she didn’t care about me at all. Trust me, if you’re vomiting over a toilet bowl, you don’t want your only companion telling you to get your shit together because you have a train to catch.

    Needless to say, I should’ve known better but I was somewhere else with my head before the trip, I was extremely stressed. But these 3 weeks were a waste of money and an even worse strain on my mental health than my university stress before. I’ve learned greatly from my mistakes. I now only travel alone or with 1 or 2 close(!) friends (or family) and _I_ do the planning.

    If you travel with many people make sure you are involved in the planning, you have access to the bookings of flights and accommodation (and others, who knows. in my case we had concerts in various cities and 2 countries, long-distance trains, domestic flights and ferries included). In that way, if you end up fighting you’re not dependent on them and you won’t end up tailing someone you can’t stand for the whole trip.

  10. Follow your gut. If you’re already feeling anxious now, it’s not going to disappear on the trip. You’ll feel even more stressed as even a great plan can get derailed easily when you’re traveling (typhoons, trains running late, Covid closures etc)

    You’ll have so many problems trying to find places to eat that can fit a group that big. Don’t do it unless you’re joining a tour that books giant dining halls for their group.

    Split up the group and maybe agree on meeting on some days to spend time together at a place where big groups is possible like USJ or Disneyland.

  11. A year and a half is a long way off. I bet at least half the group ends up not going.

  12. Even with a group of 4 friends that actually travelled great together did need our times alone or wanted to split up while in museums and explore at our own paces. If there are little groups of close friends that are most likely to stick together then make sure they have pocket wifi or one of them have a wifi sim card in their phone, if not then try and make sure everyone has wifi sims in their phones. Then its so easy to split up and meet up with people. Maybe go to areas then scamper off and explore. Heck, if you have a JR pass (not always the cheaper option I know) then you don’t even need to stay in the exact same area. The trains run so often and are so convenient you can go to another area for 2h and still meet up with everyone for dinner or what have you.

  13. I can’t think of nine people I would go anywhere with, even if I was having sex with all of them. Agree maybe to spend a few days in Tokyo together, then split up and go your separate ways.

    I don’t know how old you are, but at some point traveling together means “we’ll be in the same city and do a few things together, but will make our own plans and will each have our own accommodations.”

  14. Go solo! Nine will be a nightmare trust me I live here and trying to get into restaurants or book anything will be annoying or at worst almost impossible.

  15. I travelled to Japan at the end of 2019, and I actually went in a group of exactly 9 people! At first, I was worried that the others would want to spend time as a group the whole trip despite us having conflicting interests. I think originally we attempted to spend a day as a group, but we ended up splitting off after our first lunch together. By the second day, we just dropped the idea of sticking as a group and did our own activities in separate small groups. I paired off with my boyfriend, and it felt nice not having to make plans that would have to accommodate others. It was much better this way. We still stayed in the same Airbnb (until the second half of the trip), so we got to share at the end of the night what we did and provide recommendations. The only other times we met up as a group were when we were heading from Tokyo to Kyoto and at the airport.

    I definitely recommend splitting up into smaller groups. You’ll be able to focus on what you really want to do without as much difficulty, while being able to go at your own pace. Smaller groups also makes restaurant arrangements much easier as well. Good luck!

  16. no no no no you fools ! 4-5 absolutely tops for a multi-city foreign trip. with 9 you are going to invariably have issues the entire time as there are too many to get a consensus. you will all hate each other at the end of the trip i guarantee it.

  17. Yes, 9 people in a group is definitely too many. Whether in terms of getting a table for food or travelling as a pack in public transport during peak hours.

    I’ve personally travelled in a group of 4 (incl. myself) and that was already a colossal pain in my ass. Two of them wanted to do something different (shopping vs sight seeing) to what was planned despite not helping out with the planning or giving input from the beginning. So in the end we split into pairs and met up for the common places (e.g. Universal Studio) we wanted to go.

    So my advice is, if you can avoid going in a big group, then avoid.

    If not, be very specifically clear that there are certain places on your list that you want to go (whether by yourself or in a smaller group) and will join back later for lunch/dinner/karaoke to check in with them.

    Some people would not like that ‘cause ‘what’s the point of going together if we’re not doing things together’ but everyone has different places and things they want to go and do so splitting up imo would be the most efficient way of going about it without wasting each other’s time and money and as a result possibly avoid jeopardising friendships ‘cause believe me there were times I wanted to strangle my friends for being pains in my ass 🤣

    And also make sure everyone is contactable via phone/pocket wifi etc. makes organising meetups much easier or if someone gets left behind at the station (trust me, it can happen). And book tickets in advance to this things that everyone wants to go to as well. Hope this helps 🙂 Good luck!

  18. If I was to do it, as other have suggested, I would be ready to split things.

    First, I would check what city everybody want to check out and how many days each. So if you agree on that, then you can book accommodation all together and move between cities together. Just book in the same hotel, but several rooms, so you can change who sleep in each room and you can change during the trip, you know, being with the same people all the time might not always be good.

    Actually, if there is a big difference in the city each want to visit, you can even form small group that will spend days in different area to meet again later in the trip.

    ​

    As for the day by day plan, I would ask everybody to list the things they want to see, so you can make groups depending on what everybody want to do. So you can then plan a day by day and split between different group depending on the taste of each. Maybe some days you will do things all together, maybe other days in many groups or even some going solo.

    Do not hesitate to split and regroup during the day, for example even if you are in the same neighborhood, you can decide to see different attractions or eat at different restaurant. You might just want everybody to have their own internet access and you can share your position and contact each other during the day.

    ​

    What you do not want to do is go to places you do not enjoy just because the group is going, for example I do not especially like art museum, so I would not want to visit them because the people I travel with like it. I would go to the history museum and meet after. I would also not plan everything for the other, because if they don’t like it or get bored, they can easily blame the planner.

  19. I wouldn’t enjoy it with 9 people. It’s difficult enough to get 3/4 people to decide where they want to eat, what they want to do, see etc.

    If I were you I’d back out and try visit by yourself or with 1 or two others.

    Oh and a group of 9 will be difficult to accommodate in most places. Smaller restaurants typically won’t have space for 9 people.

    Another *little* point is that large groups of foreign people excited and on holiday tend to be rowdy. The Japanese people sharing the train with that group won’t be very happy. Neither would I, tbh.

    Enjoy your trip!

  20. Where your trip may actually trip up, pardon the pun:

    * public transport – especially travel with luggage by commuter trains, subways and particularly local buses (especially Kyoto would like to say hi); getting lost actually should not be a problem outside going via buses to rural areas, however some close transfers might be impossible with such a group
    * making sure that everyone’s IC card is topped up – in a large group, there would be always that one person that will fails to top up the card or does not have the cash to do so (well, mobile Suica may be the way around it)
    * seating in most restaurants – outside *izakayas* with separate rooms/booths and family restaurants, you may to wait for a very long time before you’d be able to sit together

  21. Be prepared to splinter into 3-4 subgroups and reconvene at certain times. I can think of very little things that work best in a large group of 9.

  22. I’ve been on holiday with groups of 15 and it can be a fuck up if you don’t plan. If you sit around waiting for other people to plan stuff then nothing will get done. You need to be pro-active and accept you might split off into smaller groups.

    I usually plan some things, talk to people and decide “I’m doing X today”.. then ask if people want to join you or not. Don’t worry about pleasing everyone or making sure everyone is included. You’re not their Dad. Either they want to come with you or they don’t.

    As for Japan, I live here and can safely say 9 people is a nightmare. Bars and restaurants are not usually set up for large groups. Its possible of course, but can be difficult. Travelling and hotel arrangements shouldn’t be difficult if planned in advance and everyone is on form. I.E all travel cards topped up and ready, people waking up on time for transfers etc.

    Its not the 9 people is impossible or a bad experience, it just takes extra planning and some patience from everyone involved.

    Also, if you’re in Tokyo come to our bar lol We can sit all 9 of you comfortably and give you some local tips on what to do in and around Tokyo. 🙂

  23. Trust me you dont want to travel to a foreign country with large group of friends if the trip is unplanned, better split the group into smaller groups based on the group’s common interests
    We did the same on our trip to Europe and all went flawless , i and my twin brother even had to ditch the group at some point on our the trip to visit countries other members of the group were not interested to visit and it was fine with them as long as you let them know beforehand.

    Even though i know it is a group trip, i totally recommend you travel solo and enjoy the merits of being able to think freely and decide for yourself, stay in a hostel , make new friends, be your own guide, trust me there is so much going on out there and you dont wanna miss out.

  24. Went with a group of 7 college friends. Was a blast, tho we were all dudes so no couple activities (except w/ the homies ofc) which I think helped with the group dynamic. Also many were interested in japan rather than just going because we were friends so that helped the group mentality greatly. Eating together was slightly challenging but we were broke college students so didn’t really do anything too fancy.

  25. Do the big stuff together but plan for a few excursions with smaller groups. Maybe some prefer the art museum while others want to go hiking? Perfect reason to split up that afternoon.

  26. well, you got a number of replies.

    I want to add… what forces you to be part of it all?

    if you get vetoed, you vetro right back “well, I was thinking 6 max, now its 9, so lets make it 8. im out”

    done

    and all that aside, the best trip with a group you can have, is to go at it alone, and do a few trips together (like “lets meet on friday 10 am in front of temple A” or “we made reservations for restaurant X, lets meet there at 8pm”). trying to coordinate a group into public transport, restaurants, spontanious decisions, thats a desaster, no matter where you try to do so

  27. Whenever I’m traveling with too large a group, I tell everyone exactly what I’m doing and when well in advance of the trip. And I say, you’re welcome to join me but that’s what I’m doing. Some will, somewon’t, either way you get to do what you want and don’t have to spend time arguing.

  28. Large groups can be fun but disagreements will happen. When it does, don’t be afraid to split apart.

  29. Are they open minded friends that are willing to try new things on the fly?

    I traveled with a large group before and we usually do the big things together and dinner together, but rest of the time, we split up into smaller groups or did our own thing.

    I’d highly advise using a guide to at least be aware of what’s available

  30. Hi!! I occasionally travel in big groups! 5-8 people out here. I’m the Japanese expert in my group since I studied it prior to joining the military. So as long as you have someone who’s done their research and connect with people ahead of time via tinder, chat rooms or Reddit! You’ll be fine. I usually tend to split from the groups at times to do my own things and always meet up at the end of the day and that seems to work. I always encourage my friends to get lost in the city and not be afraid. We have phones to help us just in case. Google maps and translate are god send for my friends. Good luck mate!

  31. I would never do this unless you plan on spending time split up into smaller subgroups. Finding tables for nine people at restaurants in itself is a chore. Doing it with a language barrier is even worse.

  32. I would 100% not travel with the exact same itinerary in that large of a group. Now if you all want to see the same cities and overlap some stuff then great, but no way I am spending my money and time doing something I don’t want.

  33. That gives me anxiety for you lol. Everything about Japan isn’t really made for groups of that size. Elevators are small, tables are small, many restaurant capacity is small, department stores are tight, trains are tight/crowded.

    Unless the plan is to split up and only do certain things as a group, I would not recommend a group that size.

  34. Your biggest issue with a group as it gets larger is going to be:

    * waking up and not waiting until the afternoon for your friends to wake up
    * finding seating together to eat
    * managing your expectations on what you want to see, that the rest of the group wants to see
    * potentially being めいわく (annoying) to those around you (talking too loudly in a group, doing the annoying walk in a phalanx position to shove everyone else off the sidewalk — see this a *ton* in Western countries, blocking walkways while everyone is looking at Google maps, blocking escalators by standing side-by-side, and a million more)

    Split the group up. I’m assuming that they have little to no travel experience at all to veto your request

    * * *

    tl;dr large groups when traveling is not recommended

    * * *

    If your friends absolutely don’t want to separate. Make separate plans for yourself each day as a backup. For the inevitable friction of colliding interests.

    And if they’re really your friends. They aren’t going to care if you go your own way and meet up in between.

    Your fun and time is *yours*, don’t settle. Especially for a vacation

  35. I’ve planned my family’s Japan itinerary before, and it was 5 of us. I had to accommodate for everyone’s tastes, make sure everybody has places they’d enjoy and wanna go to. We’re family and it was fucking tough tbh. But then again we were all sharing the same airbnb with only 1 bathroom. Some had to wake up earlier so everyone would be ready in time.

    We don’t do tour guides anymore because they always brought us to eat the same food every time and didn’t really take us to any ‘hidden’ gems, just the usual popular tourist spots… I researched everything on my own, places and food, and estimated prices for everything included. (tho ofc it’s always better to bring more than less)

    9 friends definitely has lots of room to be a mess. Tbh I’d say 4 would be the maximum for me. Splitting up the group would be a good idea tbh. I’m sure not ALL 9 people would want to do the same things right? There’s got to be some things that doesn’t interest others? That could be a starting point for planning. Everyone should research where they want to go/or food to try and type it out in a Google Doc. Then see which other people have the same wants, compromise things, etc..

  36. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Don’t do it. Go solo or with one or two friends. Seriously it is such an interesting place, and it is so well organized that solo travel is entirely possible.

    Without fail, everyone will end up carrying one or two people. It is so easy to travel solo in Japan.

  37. Way too big of a group. Also if you’re going for that long, get a guide, even if for just the first few days. We found hiring a guide invaluable as we got acclimated to the country. Everyone here likes to say how easy everything is but we really struggled with a few things at first (Kyoto buses, etc) and then after being guided a couple days we really had it down. Plus our guide was excellent and got us more authentically Japanese experiences. We couldn’t have gotten through the front door of some restaurants without her!

  38. At the glaring risk of being extremely redundant, just in case you need more convincing, DONT. DO. IT!

    Just back out. Don’t flush 5G down the drain. I traveled multiple cities in Scandinavia in a group of 6. Most of us are on the same wavelength but one. Had another trip of 4, 1 also almost totaled it. You really really need to click with every single person you travel with. You all like the same stuff and tolerate the same stuff. Don’t brush away the tiniest doubt. You will regret it I swear.

    Don’t think it’s rude to tell people they can’t join. I’ve had one too many occasions in which I wish I had been blunt. But I was a dumbass who thought it would be fine, even after 3 continents. It almost never was.

  39. remove yourself and any significant other/close friend and go by yourselves on different dates.

  40. You can’t stay as a pack of 9 the whole time. I went on a big trip of about 12 of us to Thailand and you need to do things with different “cliques” in your group. People should plan multiple things to do each day or couple of days and split according to what you want to do. Maybe plan just dinner together as a group or something.

    Also, chances are people’s priorities will change and that group will drop a few people as they get partners, new jobs, kids on the way, etc.

  41. It’s hard enough to find a like-minded companion, imagine 9! I would avoid it, unless you can organise it in smaller groups as said already.

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