I just had my first taste of “ghosting” and I want to vent out: I’m new to dating in Japan, but I matched with a girl on Bumble in early October. She was relatively talkative, proactively asking questions, and both of us admitted to using a translator.
After 2 weeks, we dated on the 15th, since neither of us could speak the other’s language well (English and Japanese) we relied a lot on Google Translator but still had fun spending around 6 hours together, although she was timid. We joked and talked about what we would do next. We continued chatting, not as proactively as before, but still consistent.
Dated again on the 24th, this time she was more talkative, proactive, and fun and we spent even more time, around 7 hours together. At the end of the date, it was already late so I hurried to take the last train home, I held her hand during the last block to the station. As we said goodbye, she hugged me and I walked away. I turned around and she was excitingly waving at me, then a few meters later I turned and again the same excitement, a few meters right before we would lose eye contact, she waved again. I texted her that very night to let her know I was home and to ask how she was. She replied to me in the morning (25th), telling me good morning and that she slept very well. I knew she was going to visit an island that day, so I wished her good luck and to have fun. She liked my comment on Line. I texted her again that night, asking how did it go. No reply. Next, I check her Bumble profile and noticed she has unmatched me…
I don’t want to double-text… And I do fear that maybe she has blocked me since the messages on Line appear as unread… I’ve felt horrible all day… What did I do wrong? What happened??
TLDR: I needed to vent about my first experience with ghosting.
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Update: My Japanese is terrible, I barely passed N4 in July. Her English is similar to my Japanese. But still managed to communicate relatively well.
For the first date, we met at 3 pm and went to my favorite Mochi shop, drank tea, and visited a Jinja. Afterward, we walked around the place. Then train to a bigger station and had dinner. Afterward, we went to her station which is in the city center. Grabbed some coffee and spent an hour talking with my broken Japanese and her broken English. The date ended at 9:30 pm.
Second date: We Met at 4pm, she had googled a coffee place she wanted to visit in my station. Then we took the train to a big station and had dinner. We had lots of fun eating and drinking. Then we didn’t want to say bye yet so we walked to her station, talking all along the way. 20 mins later we wanted to eat again and stayed at an izayaka a little before 11 pm.
UPDATE 2: WHAT IS TARO ISLAND?
32 comments
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Maybe she found spending seven hours on google translate too tiring to bother continuing?
Without context of what you did together or what you talked about it’s impossible for us to know.
She is just not into you
I’ve had my fair share of meetings on bumble and it sounds like a typical ghost. Sometimes people change their mind after some thinking. She may have had fun but realized that she couldn’t take it any more. I have never had a Google translate date, but I’m sure it can be fun but exhausting.
Dating apps is a numbers game, you’ll find a good one that works out. It is bound to happen. Keep your head up buddy
Welcome to Japan. You did nothing wrong. Ghosting is so common here it’s almost funny. In my extensive experience, what they say and how they seem when you say goodbye at the end of a date (even the second or third) isn’t necessarily a true indication of their feelings or intentions. It’s easier to say “Sure let’s meet again! Can’t wait!” and then ghost you than to admit they’re not really feeling it with you. I’m happily in a relationship now, but believe me I’ve endured my fair share of ghostings on the way. Bottom line is: don’t get your hopes up too early (no matter how they appear or what they say) and don’t take it personally. The right girl will turn up eventually.
Addendum: Also beware she might text you back 2 weeks later and say she was busy. You’ll reply excitedly in a few seconds but then you’ll wait another 2 weeks for another response. This can go on indefinitely if you let it. This behaviour also has a name here it’s so common but I forget it. A Japanese friend told me Japanese people like to seem popular by storing unread messages to reply to when they’re not being messaged by their regular friends. In other words, they’re using you. Watch out for this.
In the end, sometimes there simply isn’t any chemistry.
I’d recommend simply moving on. But it feels good to scream into the aether for a little while first.
And as /u/Underpanters already mentions: having to struggle with a translator constantly can be downright exhausting.
Improve your Japanese and you’ll improve your chances.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, I’d recommend Pairs, which is well worth the price.
But again, there arises the question of your Japanese proficiency…
Her boyfriend/husband found out.
Met someone else. I doubt you were the only Bumble date, and not being able to speak the same language is not going to go anywhere.
I’m really sorry, but how do you even date when you both rely on a Google translator? Did you think it will become serious relationship when neither of you can communicate?
Also, ghosting is normal in online dating (that’s reality), it’s not only Japan thing.
Move on. And also not only a Japanese thing.
Grass is green, the sky is blue, and Japanese girls ghost. The best way to get over it is to realize she’s nothing special and move onto someone else.
Island Taro hit her with the feature length movie.
Let it go. Don’t be whiny
You can’t build a real relationship over google translate communication is the most important thing in a relationship, its difficult enough when people speak the same language and you can imagine how impossible it is when you don’t even speak the same language.
To be honest don’t feel bad about it, it happens when you try to date someone who speaks a different language. I am not in Japan but I have dated throughout Asia and early on I had a similar experience with language, it didn’t take me long to realise that meeting someone who speaks English well was very important. After many attempts I eventually met my wife. So my word of advice is don’t be hard on yourself and find someone who speaks English(or learn Japanese)
The complaint thread is tomorrow
I would ghost you too bro
Don’t worry about the people giving you shit for Google translate. It is what it is. When I came here 5 years ago, my Japanese wasn’t good at all. I needed google for so many things. We are very lucky we live in a world that has google for communication when we find it difficult. My Japanese got better.. but here’s why….
I met my husband.
When we first met we used Google translate often. It was hilarious! Our first argument was through a screen! It took the edge off a lot of the anger I’ll tell you that!
Slowly we stopped using it as much and now we hardly use it at all if ever! Occasionally, he or I might forget a word and ask google but that’s reality.
We are not perfect when we arrive and I liked the challenge of not knowing a language and trying to communicate. Sometimes I guess I’m masochistic.
Although I’d advise against the apps.
I met my husband in real life so he couldn’t ghost me if he tried lol. Those places are probably full of gaijin hunters and drug dealers.
(Legit someone told me Japanese people use dating apps to buy drugs idk if that is true though.)
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Can you use any photos or info to identify where she lives? you can show up at her home and confront her in a normal sane manner
I was gonna ask if the text was a question, rather than a statement and it seems it was a question, meaning you necessitated a response, ergo were ignored.
Yeah she went to the island for some fun because you guys aren’t exclusive yet. She is focusing all of her attention on the other person, all the while knowing she is making you burn for her.
Two things can be true : She is employing a tactic, and she is dating someone else. They are not mutually exclusive.
And if you bring it up, she’ll say ”but we weren’t exclusive yet!!”, are you prepared to take that? They get all types of quips, and advice from these seventeen magazines, and what not to make them feel better about their dismissive behavior.
Moreover, you’re the foreigner, so they want to appear slightly less attainable to avoid the *easy* stereotype.
Don’t double text, keep your emotions in-check if you want her.
They are dating multiples guys, I know it hurts to hear this, but women are sexual beings. They will give casual s. to Japanese guys, and move on like it is nothing. You’re getting attached right now, know her for what she is. She ain’t the picturesque virgin of virtue that you thought she was when she was smiling, and waving.
By the way son, she’s not only radio-silencing you, she’s got other guys on the bread crumbing hook as well.
**The silver lining here is:**
You will definitely hear back from her, because you met her in-person, and didn’t creep her out.
**Island Taro NTR**
Much to learn you still have my young Padawan.
May the force be with you.
>At the end of the date, it was already late so I hurried to take the last train home, I held her hand during the last block to the station. As we said goodbye, she hugged me and I walked away…
Do you think she might’ve wanted to have sex with you? I’m not taking the piss– some girls have a really hard time expressing their desire (so much social stigma against ‘being easy’) and guys end up having to read between the lines.
Hmm, she wants to come to a coffee place specifically right by my house? *Maybe* I should invite her over.
Hmmm, it’s almost time for the last train but she hasn’t even mentioned it? *Maybe* she’d like to spend the evening together.
It sounds silly but I’ve had experiences like that when I was younger. Sometimes it doesn’t hurt to ask.
Ghosting means “Fuck off”
Strangely enough, I’ve also had two girls do the really excited happy waving thing before ghosting me too—maybe it’s a bad sign lmao
Imagine how you feel after having sex with her, falling in love with her and then getting ghosted.
She doesn’t like you, son. Welcome to your first of many rejections.
6hr and 9hr dates sound like a slog for the first two dates. They should be short and sweet. It’s possible she was grinning and bearing out of politeness.
Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you if you don’t connect though. Nobody gets a 100% hit rate. The right one will come.
If you think you’ve been blocked on LINE, here’s how you find out.
1. Go to the stamps store and try to find a stamp that there’s no way this person would have.
2. Try to buy it for them as a gift.
3. If you’re blocked, it will say that they “already have it”. If you’re not blocked, it will take you to the checkout page to buy coins (you won’t be forced to pay anything)
If you’re concerned it might just be a fluke, try again with a different stamp.
I mean… just because she had tonnes of fun with you doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend.
If there were no romantic feelings and she felt like she was spending time with a friend (which is still nice), it makes sense that she wouldn’t pursue things with you if she’s looking for a romantic partner rather than a new male friend 🙂
You were always around her station? I think she was giving you the hint to come to her place
Do not ask dating advice on this subreddit, all of the other threads get filled with semi-racist incel comments
Just FYI ghosting here happens *all the time*, because this is the land of conflict avoidance and no one wants to face an awkward conversation. If they stop replying, take the hint. Welcome to Japan.