I’m tutoring a kindergartner at her home every week. The parents join in on the lesson, and I’m fine with that. We’ve been doing it for three months.
The girl engages in behaviors that are extremely disruptive, to the point that I’m seriously thinking about not renewing the contract.
Here are just a few things that she does:
• Screams constantly for mama, even when she’s sitting on mama’s lap (which she does for most of the lesson, despite my efforts to bring her more into my orbit).
• Gets up mid-task and randomly throws objects around the room.
• Physically attacks her father and screams abuse at him for no reason at all (he just laughs it off.)
• Gets furiously angry if she thinks she’s losing at a game, and screams at her parents, who do everything they can to appease and reassure her.
• Has to control *everything*. If she finds an activity boring (which she generally decides within seconds of starting) she simply switches off and refuses to engage.
• Did I mention that she screams all the time?
Her parents seem to be at their wits’ end, and so am I. We’ve talked about it – fortunately they are very open to suggestions – and I have tried tweaking and fine-tuning the lesson plans as much as possible, but it seems the more we try to mollify her, the worse her behavior gets. She’s running the show, and she knows it.
Is this normal behavior for a five-year-old? Is this situation salvageable? I’ve started dreading going there.
6 comments
First time eh?
Most of my home tutoring experience has been this way, parents pushing their kids into something they don’t want to do.
Sounds like a normal day at most of my seaside/countryside schools, except the teachers are the recipients of the outrage and not the parents. I can only imagine what goes on at some of my students home the way the act at school. I was sooo surprised when I first arrived in Japan and started teaching, but now I just brush it off as a regular day.
You sure seem to have a lot of students… outside the norm.
Having taught such kids before my advice for these parents is to find a teacher with their own school and *child appropriate* classroom and pay for private lessons to be taught away from the home. Child has home advantage and it’s a battle you will not win. With private lessons outside the home there’s no need for them to feel they are imposing on other students and the teacher can take better control of the room.
Don’t be afraid to tell people you are not qualified to meet their needs and they should go elsewhere. Try to have some suggestions for alternative teachers or schools on hand when you do.
Sounds like something else could be going on. Its extreme behaviour that isn’t just being naughty or spoiled, particularly if it is constant. So stressful for everyone. What would happen if her parents weren’t involved? And in another room? Does she go to kindergarten? If so, what do her parents say about her behaviour there? Is the lesson at the end of the day? I say this because my son was diagnosed with ADD and sensory processing disorder and exhibited some of these behaviours. A day at school or preschool was exhausting – sensory overload. We tried swimming lessons late afternoon and it was too much. Timing can be everything. I think the parents need help, not judgment. A very useful resource for us was this one https://out-of-sync-child.com/. Any strategies you pick up now will help any child in the future.
Yup. That is certainly difficult, but it’s a regular pattern for young children, and inexperienced parents.
Try giving your students choices instead of telling them what to do.
And why is this your problem? Are you being paid to be a behavior specialist? The parents should be making sure she doesn’t harm YOU.