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days of the week don’t need the particle after them. they can, but they don’t need it. i don’t think the second version here is incorrect
And don’t be surprised if you NEVER hear particles in spoken Japanese. I lived in Kansai. Hardly ever used except in classrooms/ceremonies/formal situations.
The latter one sounds more formal. The former is okay tho. I’m a native speaker.
beware, time phrases don’t always need particles, in fact they’re often wrong to insert at all. XにYがある situations generally make it ok because that’s a strong pattern, so the latter is probably technically correct but uncommon or stiff and formal. however in other situations where it’s not XにYがある, a time phrase usually doesn’t have a particle other than sometimes は if specifically trying to be comparative/contrastive.
also, for simple questions, there’s a daily thread aimed at beginners to put a comment on over on /r/learnjapanese
私は月曜日約束があります sounds strange. go with the latter and take out 私は unless its critical for context