Hi everyone,
I’ve been living in Japan for 8 years and my husband (who’s Japanese) and I have 3 year old daughter. I’m a certified elementary school teacher and my husband is a software developer. Husband speaks English but he’s not entirely fluent . We enjoy our lives in Japan, but as our daughter gets older and as we’re considering having another child, we are thinking of moving back to Canada.
There are so many aspects that I love about Japanese culture. The food is amazing, the cost of living is affordable and there is so much historical and cultural richness to the country. But there are also some serious issues that I’m concerned about.
Firstly, the intense workaholic culture. Need I say more? There are many times when my husband doesn’t get home until late at night. I know that the software developer field is notorious for having a super stressful work atmosphere in Japan. Two of his friends work in the same field and they also don’t finish work until late at night. It’s also hard to make plans with friends and family because of their workaholic lifestyles.
I work at an IB school on contract. I have a decent salary and I love my job, but I’m only on contract and I feel that there’s this underlying assumption that I’m going to move back home.
Next, the education system. I actually think that Japanese daycares, kindergartens and elementary schools are much better than those in Canada. Japanese students tend to have stronger math and science skills, and I feel that they have a stronger sense of empathy and personal responsibility compared to western kids. Junior high school is when things get weird. The amount of stress that students are under is extremely concerning to me. I would also feel annoyed by my kids being treated so differently compared to non half kids. I’ve literally had parents turn down play dates and make unfair assumptions about my daughter just because she’s half.
Canada isn’t without its issues. The cost of living is out of control in my province. Winters are long and freezing. Public transportation sucks. And it would probably take us some time to save up for a downpayment. But My parents are very supportive and said that we can live in their basement apartment for a maximum of two years. They’re also desperate to have a close relationship with my daughter, whereas my in laws are barely involved due to their intense work schedules.
I’m just so torn. Any advice or guidance would be helpful. And if you’ve been in a similar situation, please feel free to talk about your experience.
9 comments
There is such a shortage of IT talent in Japan, and Japanese employers are getting sued all the time for making their employees work too long hours. Would it be possible for him to get a more reasonable employer? (Engineers I work with have their hours more reasonable.)
You can always just return to Canada to make sure your kid completes their highschool diploma in the future.
It also depends on how much Japanese culture you want to be exposed to in Canada. Basically almost gone locally in the YVR area.
I dunno which part of Canada you’re thinking of going to (I’m assuming not YVR as you mentioned the cold), but way more expensive in almost all major Canadian cities. Nickle and dime for anything kids related. Japan is packed, but with tons of alternatives.
Is your kid female? I like living here but I don’t think I’d want to grow up in Japan as a girl.
What does your husband think?
I am mixed race, born in Japan and raised in Canada (suburbs of Toronto) for most of my elementary school days in the 90s. I moved to Tokyo at 12 and tried really hard to fit back into the Japanese system. I am also a former IB educator in the US and Japan. I can only speak from my own experience.
If your child is in public school, most middle class kids will go to juku starting in 3/4th grade (if not earlier). Your comment about how things get weird in middle school is accurate by my experience. Unfortunately the push to get into the right middle school started in Pre-K and parents who know have already put their kids in an escalator school to mitigate this juken stress. I also think there are many more school options in the Tokyo area (assuming you are in Tokyo) and it’s worth exploring these options including possible cram school.
I’ve also taught at a well regarded IB k-12 international school in Japan. As you probably know already it’s hard getting an expat package if you are already in country and your kid’s tuition won’t be covered if you apply on their website domestically. Also many international school teachers here leave their home countries, including many Canadians, because they can’t get contracts in their local district. Talking to my teacher friends in BC and Toronto, it’s very competitive. I would start talking to your friends in your hometown if you are looking to continue teaching if and when you move back.
If you can wing it, my suggestion would be to go back to Canada for a year or two and immerse your kid in English/Canadian French language. I say French because Canada, but also because the french schools are cheaper than your average international prep school and Quebec seems like the most affordable province. I’d move to Quebec city if I had language skills (but again that’s me).
Also it’s really hard to switch from the Japanese educational system to an international school successfully. As you probably know ESL fees are extra, not to mention if the school is open to ESL students then you begin to worry about language fluency in the classroom; when you have more than 40% of ESL students in a class it’s unsustainable…
Have you considered applying to jobs at international schools in other countries as a way to provide international experience/kikokushijyo status to your kid? Maybe some place like Hyderabad or Busan would have career options for you and your husband.
I don’t think international schools are the only option for a creative and interesting life in Japan especially if they are already in the Japanese school system and like Japan. Kikokushijyo or returnee status allows for easier and different entrance exams for middle, high school and universities.
Most well regarded international schools hire at private fairs in the US, Canada, UK and Australia in October/November and most definitely by December. This is probably the only way you can get that expat package to get tuition covered for your kid.
Anyway, schools and mixed kids are a topic very close to my heart. Currently 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant with my one and only and there are so many unknowns, but I’m excited. Hope you can connect with other parents who have gone thru some of the same question asking.
I can’t address the work-life-balance issue as I am gay, work from home, and don’t have a Japanese husband, but like all habits he has to see it as an issue and want to change the level of distress he’s experiencing. Does he want change?
Feel free to dm me too.
take advantage of the early childhood benefits here – daycare/kindy and maybe even elementary. keep her english level up, then move back. also gives you some time to save up.
in regards to your workplace, they have to make you a permanent employee if you’ve worked there over 5 years
If I have a child I’m raising them in the US unless I can afford ASIJ or something. Especially if I have a daughter.
I wouldn’t want to witness my child getting neutered out of a personality and independent thought or getting bullied for being half Indian in the public education system.
We raised two daughters and they’ve turned out fine–went thru the public schools, then even nat’l uni here. Second one did a year exchange at UBC that turned out to be cheaper than a year here. No juku, and both chose rikei/理系 in HS and went on in sciences at uni. As for clubs, it depends what they choose–they can be either demanding (time) or very casual.
I’ve decided to raise my son here. Thinking on the stress of school. I’m just not going to push him and if the schools push, I’ll push back. I was a high achiever in school, look where it got me. In a swim teacher now, I could have totally fucked off. I’m sure some people dick off in school and end up being really successful from higher education. Just go with the flow.
I understand you’re worried about your daughter, ik for. The US and honestly I feel like I have a lot of the same internalized sexism. Change things from home. My parents fought back against societal programming at home. Unfortunately they missed the sexism. Anyway be apart of the world not of the world.
All I’m saying is there’s ways to navigate what you want, if you really want to stay here