I feel like making friends and dating here is driving me crazy. Im not sure if its because ive passed the initial honeymoon stage and in just pissed by everything but yeah. Like i feel like making friends and dating here is so complex compared to my home country. I feel like im walking on eggshells with every interaction I have.
So basically got this girls contact last week. She used to work at the Starbucks I go to often. Last week she told me that shes moving shops to a new cafe in another town. I always found her cute , but I never made any move. I kind of have a ”You dont shit where you eat ”attitude at cafes and restaurants where I am a regular patron(and what happened now is the very reason why). I thought she may be into me at least making friends , like when she passed my table we would talk and she would stand up right close to me and not break eye contact and she would always continue smiling at me and keep eye contact as I walked away.But yeah i decided that since she wont be working there anymore ill just go ahead and get her contact. And without hesitation she gave me her insta(I asked for insta to just play it safe ). That night i just messaged her saying thanks for staying in touch and that ill message her again soon and she said thanks. I just replied with an emoji and decided to play it cool and wait a week (ie Today) .So i messaged her this evening and just asked her how her week was and how the new shop is going . And she said the shops only officially opening on the 12th and that they have a stand there. I replied ,”Ah I understand. So what you doing this weekend?What are your hobbies ?(わかりましゅた:)この週末は何をしますか?*****さんの趣味は何ですか?(The exchange was all in very formal and polite Japanese).
Well the message was left on ”Read” with no response and its been hours. I see no issue with my message. In the west its completely normal to ask someone what theyre getting up to in the weekend and what their hobbies are. Its like a text book ice breaker its not like im asking her to marry me. Im not sure if im overreacting but i notice this with other exchanges ive had too. like many people here get put off by the most miniscule things and im just finding it impossible to make friends. Like as I said maybe im overreacting because ive passed the honeymoon stage and feeling homesick and irritable. But do any of you have tips on what to say and what not to say especially to the opposite sex when texting? Like this is giving me more anxiety than I already have with interacting with people here. The depression is real.
9 comments
Remember, folks have a life outside you! They could have a lot going on, and maybe not feel like responding. Who knows, it doesn’t matter really, the point is you aren’t the center of their universe.
My advice for making friends is to do things, invite others along, if they say no, still do it!
Eventually you’ll find folks that want to tag along. Some won’t, and that is okay.
Remember, you yourself are probably not going to say yes to every individual who wants to be your friend. Nothing wrong with either of you!
Give it a little more time, DON’T double text… And if there’s no response just take a hint and move on.
Few hours is not long. Also what you sent is probably what she gets a lot by people who try to hit on her without much effort. Better move might have been suggesting something to do that might spark her interest in a casual way. Like there is this coffee event I planned going to. Thought you might be interested. Want to go together?
A few hours lol. The problem IMO was not asking her out right away. Don’t play it “cool” actually just don’t play games. If you’re interested in someone ask them out and give it a shot.
Ghosting is definitely more common there because culturally they tend to avoid conflict or disagreement. So if they aren’t feeling it you usually will get ghosted. But that said it’s only a few hours
🤦♂️ Dude, give her time. She’s not married to ya. On the other hand I wouldn’t be shooting women that line. “What are your hobbies? “Really? Sounds like you have no confidence. You should have directly asked her if she wanted to hang.
Maybe she found the text so unbelievably boring that she decided a life of small talk with a guy who overthinks everything isn’t the way to go
So…. you don’t reply to her for a week to not seem too keen, but she doesn’t reply for a few hours (and may not have read it yet) and you are worried?
Edit: Also your questions seem a little too indirect in any language. Why not just ask her if she would like to get lunch or dinner sometime as you would love to get to know her?
Give her a day. My bet is she might reply but only with a canned response. Otherwise if she still ignores you (既読スルー) then just move on. Don’t dwell on it too long.
Now, advice for next time. Don’t ask about her interest like that. The way you say it sounds like a pre-arranged marriage type question, old-fashioned. Just ask her out directly; do you want to get a coffee/lunch sometimes? I found most people here really appreciate being asked for coffee/lunch and wouldn’t turn down the offer unless they really hate you. (Asking for dinner/nomikai 1on1 on the other hand, they might get defensive unless they really like you). Then you can ask all about her interest when you meet her.
But hey, in these days of online dating, meeting someone in real life takes guts. So you’re actually doing a great start. Kudos to you for that. Good luck.