I’ve just turned 32, have lived in Japan for almost 7 years, and it pains me everyday to realise that I’ve become the person I used to mock. The ‘veteran’ foreigner that can’t hold a conversation in Japanese, gets by with only the basic Japanese they know, relies on translations and others to do anything requiring actual thought, or just avoids things all together. I understand how cliche this is and am aware of the myriad of similar posts but I need to finally get it off my chest.
During my first year being here I actually enjoyed studying. I was an eikawa teacher living in Tochigi where my presence was a kind of novelty. It meant I had a lot of opportunities to interact with many people. During this time I passed the JLPT N5. But it wasn’t long before I began to rest on my laurels. I fell in to the trap of feeling obligated to use only English “for their benefit”. Or so I told myself.
The following year I became an ALT and for 3 more years I made little to no effort. I threw away most all opportunities to study and practise with the teachers and students who I saw on a daily basis. Convincing myself that I would begin studying again anytime now. But it never came. And why should it have. I watched as my friend who arrived in Japan shortly after me, without any real studying, surpass me. And all because, not only is he not afraid to try, but because he revels in interacting with people who are more than happy to talk to him. As they are me, except.. well.
In my fifth year, at the start of pandemic, I moved to Tokyo for a software position – something I should have done much sooner. And with that went any opportunity to use Japanese in the workplace. I’ve now been in this position for 2 years. I continue to stagnate year by year. Did I mention that I had had a Japanese girlfriend since the beginning? Albeit one that spoke Japanese. I lost count how many times I told her I would start studying. My lack of action over the years was one of the reasons we’re no longer together. Even with that kind of motivation I was unable to kick myself in to action.
I’ve recently began dating a Japanese/Italian girl – who also speaks English. It was embarrassing to tell her, as it is anyone, how long I’ve been in Japan and yet barely able to string a sentence together. She’s been encouraging and she helps me to study once a week with Genki, but given where my level should be it’s far from enough. I’ve been having extreme thoughts as quitting my job and becoming a full-time student. It’s more than evident I cannot be trusted to put things in to my own hands. And my current job is far too time-consuming. Having said that, I have a co-worker who got permission to start work from midday and spends all morning at a school. At the very least I need to do something like that.
So this is where I’m at. I need to be accountable. I need to find a flow. I need to stop making excuses. But this is far from the first time I’ve said these things. Will I ever become the kind of person I want to be? I still find it unlikely. If there is anyone out there that has turned themselves around after so long, please tell me your secret. Thank you for reading.
9 comments
Figure out what you want out of life first. Then do the little and big things to try to get there. It seems you have a decent job and a supportive new girlfriend. Using the failure to learn more Japanese sounds like an excuse for other things in your life that need fixing. Man up and deal with the real problems you may have.
I would say you need a person that gives you a kick in the A.. once and again. E.g. you could find yourself a teacher, that you’d actually have to pay, so that it is a waste of money if you go unprepared to the lessons; or some course paid by your company (like the one your colleague has), where the paying side would be “disappointed” (the Godfather way) if you’d not make appropriate progress.
If it makes you feel better, I met a guy once (absolute bastard) who was like that after about 15/20 years.
So, you know…you’ve got time?
So long as you actually have the will to improve, that’s fine. So long as you have the will to improve, you may not be able to change what’s happened so far, but you can still make a change going forward.
“The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time is now.”
I appreciate the honesty in this post because most other “veteran” foreigners here are usually doing nothing but making the most maddening excuses as to why they haven’t progressed but in my opinion it always comes down to “simply didn’t try at all”.
So there we are, just start trying. It’s probably a bit embarrassing at this point in time but the #1 thing you’ve got to do is to basically not care. Time to YOLO in on every situation and just go for it.
Nobody helped me out in the city office when I arrived, the staff would see me coming and start panicking because lmao, another complicated conversation using my shit Japanese and Google translate? Oh lordt, lmao. How anything actually got done back then is beyond me… (ok, well let’s not lie here, sometimes it did take multiple attempts and it was often awkward AF) but you’ve got to have those experiences that you’re invested in to actually learn anything.
Do some studying on top of that (anywhere, I mostly study on the train during my commute) and it’ll all start to add up and make daily life here easier and then once you get so far, time for the fun stuff like video games! There’s still a surprising amount of stuff which doesn’t actually get translated – not sure what you’re into but you’ve got to find your motivation.
>please tell me your secret
Discipline
Get some regular class time and join regular language exchange meetups. You need Japanese friends and coworkers to support you in this initiative and to force the use of Japanese.
Well, excellent work on getting into IT, that’s half the battle of staying in Japan sorted.
Oh, and you have a partner too? Excellent.
You have a solid foundation, time to get real and kill that procrastination demon you have. I am currently in the process of killing mine, and I have years of learning webdev ON TOP of Japanese, before I can even think about moving to Japan.
You’re in an excellent position many people would kill for, time to nip this tiny problem in the bud so you can enjoy life even more so.
Edit: Also try and find that place where you’re not being hard on yourself, life is very difficult at the best of times, but you’re also actively going against the grain and putting the work in.
For me personally, I feel as if I have betrayed myself and have told myself “I’ve been learning Japanese for years”. But in reality, I think it’s just been a case of having an interest in learning it and dabbling, which has given me the illusion on learning. Perhaps this is the same for yourself.
There needs to be a study plan that is worked on consistently.
I think also, some people’s subconscious simply detests learning new things even if their conscious mind enjoys it. I really enjoy speaking what Japanese I know, but I can actively feel my mind repelling when I am working through Genki. It is extremely demoralising, but I love the outcome, so I ensure and continue.
Yes time is scarce now, but get genki done with some Anki and get the basics down to prove to yourself you can best that demon, and morph it into a study buddy.
Learning from scratch is going to sting but with each actual improvement comes dopamine hits which soften the pain and give you a little push.
Good luck!
Sounds like you need structure and discipline. Maybe try turning off your phone when you’re supposed to be studying. That helped me a lot.
>please tell me your secret
There is no secret. If you want to learn the language you will. If you don’t then you won’t. Although you agonize about not knowing Japanese and regret lost opportunities, you didn’t study before because you didn’t want it enough. Sure, you’d like to learn the language without any particular effort (who wouldn’t?) but that isn’t ever going to happen.
So – stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide what it is you really want and then go for that.