My 10 year old child is being bullied for being half japanese and half filipino. The kids at her school called her ugly for having a darker complexion (she is fair skinned but not as fair as the other kids since she is always playing outside) and one kid said it’s because she’s Filipino that she has dark skin. She is deeply hurt by this and I have no idea what to do besides comfort her. Any suggestions would be really helpful, thank you in advance!
24 comments
I’m just going to be blunt. Be a parent and talk to her, comfort her and find out the names of the bullies. Go to the school, talk to the teacher and the principal. Tell them who it is. And find out what their plan is to stop this.
Remind her that mixed-race Filipinas have been cleaning up the international beauty pageant circuit. Everywhere in the world finds mixed race people more attractive (I’m pretty sure there’s evolutionary reasons for it).
Except Japan it seems!
(Side note, I was reading a Japanese article about dog behavior the other day, and even there they managed to cram in a paragraph about how nihon-ken were purer blood than western dogs, and closer to the DNA of wolves…..)
Talk to the teacher. If you are not satisfied with the response, escalate to the principal. They may or may not help much but doing nothing is the worst choice
Hi, I was a half child who grew up in japan. I was bullied too.
To offer a different perspective— kids will be kids. Kids can be mean! They will literally pick anything to make fun of whether she is half or not. Full japanese kids will still get made fun of for weight, hair, freckles, eyes, you name it. Being half just gives them easy ammo cus they can immediately spot whats different from them.
But depending how bad or serious it is, its up to you to take action or not.
I was bullied, to the point where I cried many times at school. My parent never got involved, but I eventually found amazing friends and they helped stand up for me. Once they knew they couldnt hurt me with gaijin insults, they moved on.
I thankfully learned early on that looking different didn’t mean ugly like I was made to believe by those bullies.
Best of luck, I hope it gets better for her!
Racial discrimination blows. I just wanted to say that.
Perhaps get the school to organize a series of informal talks on subjects like diversity/foreigners/mixed race etc? Suitable for that age demographic, of course.
Kids learn this kind of behaviour from parents/peers. Its not ok. And kids need to learn this.
Someone said once if you don’t raise your kid then the other kids at school will. You need to engage in dialectic with your child about how the whole system here works and how bullying is a low-key tactic tacitly encouraged by the ~~ruling junta~~ government to suppress non conformity and dissent.
I grew up mixed in the US and couldn’t find a place in either of my communities. (Probably one of the reasons I live here now)
One of the best things you can do as a parent aside from the other things people have mentioned is make sure they feel comfortable being themselves and knowing both parts of their heritage. If you come to hate one, the other or both, it’s going to be hard time.
Be there for them.
I also taught here for a long time and I can tell you, Japanese kids are ruthless mostly because of ignorance as opposed to malice, and in all honesty the school probably isn’t going to do much other than let them take time in the nurse’s office when they want. Which will lead to more bullying most likely, because they get to do that.
Yo I’m sorry to hear that.
I’ve been thinking about how to deal with this too and the only conclusions I can come up with is to become the bully. If this is insane then please call me out but man, I know so many people damaged because of childhood bullying.
This happened to us at a local government school.
Let me say that taking it up with the school DOES NOT WORK. They see the problem as something between the kids and do not appreciate all this fuss.
What worked?
In my very boorish gaijin way I loudly confronted the ringleader’s father and son in Japanese of course outside the school gates.
Following that the bullying stopped.
Bullying escalates. In Japan it’s a pile on. At first a few “gaijin” comments here and there then the pushing. You must stop it before it accelerates.
– Bullies won’t stop because a teacher told them
– Bullies don’t respond to dialog
– They only understand the language of intimidation I’m afraid.
I’m sure every good parenting playbook will say this is wrong, but I bet behind every teenager who committed suicide was a history of the authorities knowing what was going on and failing to act.
Not a half, but grew up with the experience your 10 yo is experiencing now.
What helps the most is to have a parent, better, parents, best, the family as a whole, who always gives affirmation that darker skin tone =/= ugly, being less Japanese, undesirable, etc.
The world will never be beds of roses. Best a parent can do is to make sure their kids are ready for whatever, knowing that they’re not the issue, it’s the other people.
First thing is you have to make sure your child knows you have her back, you love her and there’s nothing wrong with her.
Maybe i’m a bad person or this is the environment i grew up in the philippines.
So basically she can ignore it (which is very2x hard for a 10year old kid) or she can fight back (not an all out argument, not physically but a smartass or sarcastic reponse from time to time while walking away).
With my kid i always tell him to avoid fighting or arguing with anyone else. But if someone hits him when he’s done nothing wrong he’s allowed to fight back.
And also you have to make sure you report it to the school.
Bullying if not taken seriously will leave a mental scar which is not good for anybody. Just make sure you are always there for her when you need her because sometimes that’s what matters.
Had a quick read through comments and don’t think it was really mentioned but… is bullying in cases like this often fueled by jealousy? It sounds like your kid has something they want but probably can’t have. Seems like something to possibly be proud of depending how it’s viewed.
I agree with going to the school and confronting the teachers/ bullies whoever. But I think it’s also important to teach her to find beauty in her difference. As we all know, the media is incredibly influential, especially for children. Supplying her with toys, books, images, movies with characters who look like her could really impact her to find beauty in her heritage. Hopefully, as she grows these comments will no longer affect her as she’ll be comfortable in her own skin.
I have been an ALT in public schools for more than 10 years. I have seen both situations, where EVERYBODY hates the foreigner or the half, or where everybody likes them more and ALWAYS try to help them. According to me, it depends on the group, not the individual half or foreign kids.
Some groups are really chill, they all like each other and there is no drama. No bullies, no bad kids; everybody does what they are supposed to and it all works from ES grade 1 to 6. Some of these groups end up having a great JHS experience as well.
I am so sorry to hear this is happening to your kid. Im sure the only option is to change schools because no matter how hard the teachers try, kids wont change. They will always find ways to insult and hurt, like ignoring your kid and make other kids do the same. Their defence is “im not insulting them anymore!” which is true.
So the school would say “we stopped the bullying, no more agression” to save their ass BUT they know that the kid being ignored is even worse. And they even go as far as saying “well, your kid is not trying to make friends either. They are crying all the time, skipping school and events, so its hard for the other kids to bound”.
Its disgusting… I hate seeing this.
I have even witnessed teachers make fun of students because they can speak other languages or just because they look different.
I got bullied all through school in an all white community. I wasn’t half. :/
It really is just another thing kids find to pick on. They aren’t racist; I don’t imagine they have the capacity for racism yet unless their parents are openly and strongly racist. Racism is a learned thing, bullying seems to be natural (is it? Is it natural?).
Of course it probably hurts more because it really is something unique to them. That’s what you need to tell them. Just something to turn it into a point of pride. Say something like, ‘do you want to see all the same flowers, or do you want to see one really beautiful one?’ tell them that you want to see the one special beautiful one more. Not necessarily that, but along those lines.
I have half kids that I’m not in contact with anymore sadly, but if I were that’s what I would do.
👍🏻
Teach her to fight back. Talking to teachers etc will do jack shit all. It’s the life of a minority unfortunately. All of us minorities were bullied at school for being different. Gotta fight back.
btw, When I mean fightback , I don’t mean tell her to knock them out, I mean teach her to stand up for herself by using her words.
I am a Japanese, mother of 2 kids.
You need to take a firm stand.
You should not turn a blind eye to the problem. Bullies will escalate their bullying when they know they won’t be punished.
Call the homeroom teacher and ask for a meeting with the principal and headmaster. If you have worries about your Japanese, call the municipal division of the city hall and ask for dispatching a translator at the meeting.
Protest to the principal that your child is being bullied and her human rights are being violated, and tell them that you are ready to consult with the Education Dept. of the city.
Keep a good relationship with your homeroom teacher. You should give him/her sweets and other gifts (secretly) from time to time and keep a close relationship with him.
Talking to the kid and prepping her to be strong is better than going to the teachers and principal immediately. When kids see your kid ask help from authority they will do it more but more subtle.
As a parent myself in such a homogeneous country, I’m already doing a lot to make sure that my kid knows that being unique is a good thing. I’m always showing him how we don’t blend in, but stand out and that it isn’t bad, no matter what anyone tries to say. I’ve told him it’s a superpower and that he needs to embrace it. Luckily, he’s never had anything but positive experiences though. No racist bullshit, yet…
Find a better school.
Many half Filipino kids at my Japanese school and they do not have to deal with this.
Teach your kids to fight back, often no one says anything to dumb things asians say whether it’s kids or adults, they all brush it off as ignorance.. no it’s not, they know it’s racism & prejudice. This is 2022 come on.
I used to bullied when I was in school cause I couldn’t speak the language fluently & one day I punched the boy in the face. He never even dared to look at me again. If you are strong & confident, no one will dare to step on you.. no matter where you are.
damn, that sucks…
I studied in Japanese middle school back in 2008 and was also bullied for being half European Portuguese/Japanese. I didn’t tell anybody, but I doubt it would make any difference anyway.
Hope you find a way to make things better.
>(she is fair skinned but not as fair as the other kids since she is always playing outside)
You may want to think about why being considered dark is a bad thing and question why you are having an argument with yourself about how your child does not have a dark complexion.
What is wrong with having a dark complexion?