Some strange situation is developing in my in laws’ family so I thought I’d get some perspective and input to try and figure out if they’re overreacting.
My SO’s Uncle, a (basically) 50 year old virgin met a woman at some company party. Fast forward a few months, they are getting married, moving in together, he’s buying her a car, they are crazy in love. Never seen the woman, only ever talked on the phone, but when we visited Grandma in the same prefecture as them they were too busy with work to meet. It’s a little far so we don’t go often – so that’s the first red flag. She’s also just really intense on the phone, constantly declaring that uncle is the man of her dreams and it’s destiny they met.
The new girlfriend is divorced and has a 25 year old son who lives again in another prefecture but recently came all the way to meet grandma. Alone, without warning, just showed up to the house (that’s a little intense). Grampa passed away many years ago so she’s been living alone with the Uncle, until recently. Grandma let him in and the son talked enthusiastically about how excited he was to join the family (weird?). Also talked about how he was working on starting his own carpet store but it’s expensive (?? I guess people need carpets..). Grandma didn’t seem too shook by the whole thing.
Things settled down for a month then today we learn that the Girlfriend demanded that alongside the marriage, the Uncle legally adopts the the son. She says it’s a deal breaker and the son is also really wants to join the family. He says stuff like “if my mom joins your family but I don’t I’ll be alone on paper and that’s so さみしい” (which is super weird for a 25 yo who apparently has had a girlfriend himself for a while, he should be getting married sooner or later).
The whole thing is super weird and kind of stinks because of how often issues of money come up and how rushed the whole thing is. And how little a real 25yo would care (beyond being supportive and happy for them) about their mother getting remarried. My (naturally paranoid) in laws are convinced it’s some inheritance scam. The Uncle is.. pure of heart and susceptible to less than honest people.
HOWEVER it’s not like this is some kind of rich family. I think the grandma has savings but also she never worked, grampa was a trucker and uncle is a trucker too. He’s like extremely boring: no travels, no hobbies, drinks with the buddies once a week and lived with Mom till now so I’m guessing he has savings but again not a fortune. Besides for any real kind of scam to actually work, if I understand inheritance law, Uncle would have to die before grandma then grandma dies… then son cashes out. Uncle’s health is fine, grandma is getting quite old… yeah a double murder for some relatively small sum of money seems ridiculous. What is she going to kill him but putting fried pork in his bento and raising his cholesterol?
TLDR: uncle’s new gf wants to quickly get married and wants him to adopt her 25yo son.
Is there some scam I’m not seeing here or is it just a case of Japanese people being a little much and a mother ensuring her son’s natural inheritance, 30+ years down the line? What’s up with the son caring way too much about this whole thing? Can anyone make sense of this?
6 comments
very interesting. Following.
Be happy he’s found someone after 50 years. Be supportive. It’s his life, his money.
How old is she? At 50 how many years do you have to wait?
If she is a similar age it sounds like it’s the son that is scamming and manipulative.
I would stay out of it.
But keep an eye out if he becomes distant to the family.
TIL that adults can be adopted in Japan.
It does sound like they’re after money–you don’t know how much the uncle has saved up, but if he’s always lived with his mom, it might be quite a lot. Adopting the son would give him a stronger claim on anything your uncle might leave when he dies, e.g. if the wife dies before the uncle, then the son would inherit nothing, but if he is adopted, he would be the uncle’s heir. The son sounds pretty slimy as well, showing up out of nowhere and dropping hints to grandma about needing money for his carpet store. I don’t know how hard it is to “unadopt” someone, but that’s something the uncle should consider in case it doesn’t work out with him and the wife.
That said, the uncle is a grown man and perfectly capable of deciding for himself how he wants to live. If he wants to adopt the son, that is his business. I think in these situations it’s reasonable for concerned close family members to share their opinion once, and if he still decides to go ahead with it, they need to back off. The money he’s earned is his to do with what he likes, and if he wants to spend it on these people, that’s his choice.
About uncle’s savings: Truckers (as well as bus drivers) earn a lot especially if they’re a bit older. Expect a 50 year’s old trucker to earn in the 600万円 range annually.
So living with his mother in the inaka he doesn’t have significant expenses and the described boring lifestyle adds further, thus a huge savings rate is possible.
Actually, I could expect that woman (and her grown up son), given love might be honest, is in an occult and after joining the family, demands significant sums of money.
Neighbor’s parents are active in one of the top 2 occults (often in media recently for reasons) and I hear stories such as they had to pay/”lend” some kind of “gratification money” of 200万 when they married (to the parents who pass this to the occult) and similar occasions. Money flows like reverse inheritance to addicts.