This may be because of my social anxiety, but recently I invited someone to go to a dorm party with me. I told her that I was kind of scared to go by myself and if we should go together. She said okay and then when we got back to the dorm I signed up for it. She said hontou ni so now I’m not sure if she actually meant it when she said “okay let’s go together”. I could be overthinking because I get really anxious about social things.
6 comments
Context means A LOT in how people reply and react to things, so this isn’t ironclad but a good rule of thumb for dealing with Japanese people is:
“Might be difficult” “I’ll think about it” “If I can make it” usually means no.
『難しいかな』『考えとく』『行けたら行く』
Maybe you need more confirmation than just “ok”. Ask some follow up questions until it becomes clear.
Just text them to check in a soft way, something like “I pick you up at 6pm on that day so we go together?”
How about you ask her instead of reddit ? You think we are esper or what?
In Japan there is a strong culture of saying “yes” but meaning “no” in order to avoid embarrassment on both sides. But are you in the same dorm as her? Because if you are both in the same dorm, then these parties are sort-of obligatory unless you make-up a good excuse type situations.
Ask her when you should pick her up. If she doesn’t give you a straight answer she’s probably not that into it.
There’s a very strong habit here of saying what the other wants to hear. That being said, since I did not actually see and hear her I cannot tell if “本当に” wasn’t her trying to say “Do *YOU* really want to go?”, or “Do you really want to go with *ME*?”
Could be either of those, and could be neither of those.
Just wing it, don’t stress.