Seeing all the recent hub-bub has made me think about this. I’ve been asked to join my prefecture’s JET online groups several times, but I’ve really got no desire to. I have nothing against them and I don’t wish to come off as elitist or anything, it’s just that I don’t see us having anything in common, and I worry if I knew them on a personal level, I’d probably dislike them. Additionally, I came to Japan partly to get away from Western stuff for a while, so it doesn’t help when 90% of the time the first thing another JET wants to talk to me about is news, politics, events, or whatever that I don’t want to know or deal with.
It kinda sucks since my Japanese isn’t remotely good in the slightest, so I can’t do group events where I cling along to others with better skills, but that’s life I guess. More push for me to get better.
For the record, any newcomer JETs please don’t take this as some pro or anti stance towards joining and mingling with other JETs. This is purely just my choice and wondering if I’m alone or if there are others who do the same.
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You’re going to find it really difficult to make any connections with Japanese people, especially with limited Japanese. There is a very good chance the loneliness and isolation will hit hard at some point.
You don’t have to be friends with all of them, but you may meet someone you actually vibe with. I’d say it would be worth it dipping your toes in. There is a likelihood the other JETs are all you’re gonna have, so don’t burn bridges just yet.
I’d say you’ll be fine so long as you’re someone that can either:
1. Make friends outside of JET (such as with Japanese people, other foreigners, etc.)
2. Handle being on your own.
I don’t think it’s necessary to join all the social groups, and I agree that some individuals in those social groups can be a little more difficult to get along with. But I also don’t think you should automatically assume you won’t like them. You do have your job in common. That’s a start. You both more than likely have an interest in Japan as well. If they want to talk about topics you don’t like, then divert those conversations into things you’re more interested in.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want do though. There are plenty of JETs that don’t interact with other JETs. If you start feeling weary from isolation, then make sure you do something about it.
Japan isn’t some magical place with no problems. It has plenty of issues just like the West. If you decide you’re better than other jets and don’t want to talk to westerners that’s fine but I think you will find you will be very lonely.
Its absolutely your choice to isolate yourself from your fellow JETs, you won’t be the only one who does so, but I think you are cutting out a potentially useful and fun part of the experience. You don’t have to be best friends with any of them, you don’t even have to participate in each social event if you don’t want, but at least by being minimally engaged it gives you options, and who knows, you might actually like some of them, they aren’t all the same after all, each person comes in with there own background, interests, etc.
Meanwhile:
>Additionally, I came to Japan partly to get away from Western stuff for a while
I’m not sure you’ll actually achieve this, for one thing a significant part of your job is to share some of that Western stuff with your students. Aside from that while Japan has its own unique history and culture, its also been significantly tied to the west for the past couple centuries and there’s a lot of cross pollination at this point. Western politics affects Japanese politics, Western culture affects Japanese culture, etc. Not saying you won’t be able to distance yourself from some of it, but just that you should go in with realistic expectations of how much that will be.
> I don’t see us having anything in common, and I worry if I knew them on a personal level, I’d probably dislike them.
Even if you think this is likely (heck, even if you end up being right), it strikes me as pretty ridiculous to pre-emptively cut yourself off from them before meeting them at all. I’d recommend meeting the closest JETs at least once.
And, even if you decide not to interact much/at all, you could still lurk in the group chats to see what’s going on. There’s a decent chance people will mention events/promotions that might interest you even if you decide to partake in them solo.
Just depends on your goals.
Some ALTs have serious dependency issues and it is toxic AF. Others, honestly, you can chill with. Maybe they just wanna grab a bite, maybe they just wanna drink or go to a beach. They’re not gonna be stuck to you. I’ve seen ALT groups grow like a plague and have massive fights over dumb stuff (usually travel). I’ve seen gossip spread and sides picked over dumb stuff. I’ve been the recipient of verbal abuse from ALTs for having my own social life. But I’ve also made great memories with other ALTs and had some great fun along the way and I’m forever thankful for those days.
Be careful you don’t miss out on great opportunities just because you’re afraid you won’t get along with people.
I’m isolated from my JETs in my area (due to scheduling conflicts) and it sucks. There actually is a lot for JETs to do. Especially here in Kochi. I wanted to go surfing and camping, but I had a speech contest and a meeting to go to. There will be great things that you can do through AJET.
You can isolate, but can only find so much by yourself.
> it’s just that I don’t see us having anything in common
Japan? Japanese language? Japanese culture like music, anime, art? The food? History? Nothing in common? Really..? I find that hard to believe. I’m not into anime and kind of an odd one out with most of the ALTs that I know, but there’s still plenty of overlap.
I know ALTs who have decent Japanese and skip the foreigners because they managed to get Japanese local friends quickly. I don’t know any that are bad at Japanese and have skipped the foreigner crowd. It would be a little tricky and frankly self isolationist.
If you don’t want to talk politics with people, just say that. It doesn’t mean you have to ignore everyone. You can be polite but clear in that you hate political talk.
A large part of the point of JET is cultural exchange, yes? It’s the E in JET after all. Primarily of course that’s towards Japanese people, showing them yourself as a foreign person. But why stop there? You’re being put into a situation with people from all over the world, from any walk of life, of varying ages, races, perspectives and opinions. Take advantage of it. Will you like everyone? No. I’m not a huge fan of every ALT I know, but some I really like. I’ve already found some great people here that I would never have had the opportunity to meet back home. That’s on top of being able to live somewhere new and experience Japan.
Best not to burn bridges, or ignore them. Once part of these JET groups you decide if you go to any events or not. Totally up to you. No need to make excuses just say it straight you’re not going, just keep in mind you might feel a bit lonely or just want a simple English conversation and this might be the easiest avenue for that.
I rarely join jet activities, it’s irrelevant why, but it’s nice to at least have the option should I want it.
They also might post about something you’re interested in and didn’t know about, 2 heads are better than one. It’s up to you how much you engage
The OP gives off total elitist vibes. It seems he / she is blacklisting the other JETs before they have a chance to do likewise.
I see a lot of resentment towards OP and I think it’s unfair. They aren’t required to maintain a connection to other JET.
People saying “You’re burning the bridge” or “You think you’re better than other JETS?!”
This is not inclusive at all.
I don’t think they are burning the bridge. They just don’t want to cross it. The bridge is still there. If other JETs are supposed to be inclusive and welcoming than the bridge will always be there to welcome them if they choose to cross it later.
Same with them having whatever reason they don’t have to join. It’s not a join our social club or become the enemy? It doesn’t mean that the OP HATES all other JETS or thinks themselves above others. It just means what it means. They just don’t feel like joining.
They are being polite and stated their feelings in a fairly straight forward manner. I can respect that.
OP do what you want.
In regards to Japanese language skills, from my own experience some of the people that had the most dramatic improvements were the ones that spent more time with Japanese people than with other English speakers. Take that as you will. Not saying it’s the only way, just something I observed.
Whatever you do, do what makes you comfortable and happy. Don’t let anyone bully or shame you into doing otherwise. If for some reason you need a (former) JET for some reason, feel free to message me judgement free.
Building a strong community is really important on JET, especially because being a foreigner with limited language skills can feel quite isolating at times. I’m not best friends with everyone at my BoE but we all get along on at least a basic level and it’s nice to be able to talk to someone who is experiencing similar feelings that you are.
I was feeling pretty down about missing Christmas last year but I had a little Christmas party with some other ALTs in my city and it gave me that same warm comfortable feeling that I was lacking.
You aren’t obligated to be anyone’s friend if you don’t want to, and anyone who thinks otherwise has problems with boundaries.
However, I also don’t think it would be a bad idea to join the group and lurk in it. Sometimes I learn about stuff in my local area that I wouldn’t have known about had I not listened in on other JETs talking about it.
>don’t wish to come off as elitist or anything … if I knew them on a personal level, I’d probably dislike them.
I’ve got bad news for you pal…
>Additionally, I came to Japan partly to get away from Western stuff for a whil
I hate this “i’m escaping my country and want to avoid anything that reminds me of it” vibe you get from people who are clearly very maladjusted young people you think they’re just going to slip seamlessly into Japanese life. I went out of my way to avoid people like that, as all they’d talk about was how much Japan was superior to their home country.
>It kinda sucks since my Japanese isn’t remotely good in the slightest
Then you unequivocally will NOT make friends with any Japanese person who is not very interested in (invariably) America and learning English. Get ready for some disappointment OP, cos that’s all the English-speaking Japanese are going to be interested in you for.
It’s perfectly fine to not go to events/ get togethers if you don’t want to. I’ve lived and taught in a number of different countries and there are some people, both native and fellow foreigners, who I got along with and who I did not get along with. I think it’s good to go with an open mind and give people a chance (which is sounds like you might have done), but it’s good to not hang out with people you don’t jive with/like. Some people just aren’t your people and that doesn’t make you or them bad people.
Where I will warn you to be careful is to dismiss all foreigners out of hand just because some of the ones you’ve met aren’t your favorites. There’s a lot of awesome Japanese people to be friends with, but fellow foreigners can be cool people too. That’s not to say you have to hang out with anyone you don’t want to, but don’t dismiss them just because they are fellow foreigners.
When I was an exchange student in Thailand (my first time ever going abroad), I wanted to only be friends with Thai people because I wanted to fully immerse myself in the culture and become fluent in the language. And so I did mostly hang out with Thai people. But there’s a balance, because I met some awesome foreigners too and it would have been sad if I didn’t pursue friendships with cool people just because I wanted to immerse myself in the culture. Culture is not something fixed– it’s fluid and ever changing. It’s something we’re all collectively creating together all the time. You’re not living a less “authentic” Japanese life just because you have foreign friends too. Some of my best and most memorable adventures in Thailand and Japan were with other foreigners. I think when I just let myself live and not worry about living up to an idealized version of myself in my mind who never hung out with foreigners, I was a lot happier.
That said, there were JETs I didn’t like at all and I avoided certain events to not be around them (and some I loved). If I don’t like the JETs this time around, then I won’t hang out with them. My good friend in Kyushu (a fellow foreigner) told me she didn’t really jive with the JETs in her area either. It happens sometimes. Not everyone is going to want to be best friends. I think if you genuinely don’t like these people it’s good to remain polite but not engage much. Life’s too short to hang around people who simp for landlords.
I’m not going to comment on your stance or choice or anything because that’s on you. To answer your question, I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel the same way and are doing the same thing. But I’m willing to bet none of them are going to post about it because they truly actually want to be alone and don’t care if anyone else is doing the same.
Find comfort, I guess, that you’re not alone in wanting to be alone. But know that others probably want to be even more alone than you want to be.
You’re better off. People here will seethe and cope if you even imply the idea though.
I personally think isolating yourself from other JETs won’t help you mentally in Japan. Other JETs might also take things the wrong way if you keep to yourself the whole time, which could harm your chances of being friends later on if you change your mind. However, if that isn’t something that will end up bothering you then feel free to do so.
However, I noticed you mentioned “it’s just that I don’t see us having anything in common, and I worry if I knew them on a personal level, I’d probably dislike them”. I think you should at least try to get to know them a little, give them a chance before assuming the worst. The best advice I can give when first meeting people is air on the side of caution, keep your guard up, and be very observant to watch for red flags. I’m not sure if this is just me, but I can usually figure out after meeting up with someone a few times if they have “toxic behaviors” or if I won’t have anything in common with them.
All the people I have met in my prefecture I am on talking terms with and I am civil with all of them. However, I have figured out that most of the people I have met I am more acquaintances with compared to being friends, which is okay, but at least I have figured out through meeting all these people who I consider my small close group of friends here in Japan and I would not have been able to find this group of friends had I not put myself out there to meet many different JETs.
This is just my experience though, good luck OP!
Plenty of people I’ve met in my seven years of JET didn’t hang out with the gang. Some had better friends in bigger cities, some hung with the locals playing Pokemon Go, and some just straight-up ghosted everyone.
I had the advantage of ~~being placed~~ choosing a placement near a military base so I get all the perks of America without having to live there.
I totally get where you’re coming from. I don’t think I line up with many other JETS idiologically, and that’s okay. I would suggest joining only so your regional advisor can find you and add you to your smaller regional chat for emergency contact purposes. You can always mute it and never check in.
I’m a new RA for my area and wouldn’t want anyone to feel obligated to participate other than just having that line of contact in case of natural disaster and emergency events.
I had co-JETs that didn’t associate with other ALTs. Like, at all. They came for their own reasons, and socializing with other foreigners wasn’t one of them. It’s as simple as that. They weren’t dicks about it, like deliberately snobbing people or pretending not to see them. They just didn’t show up for events and eventually other people caught on and stopped inviting them. Some of the people who did snob and insult other ALTs were some of the more socially active ones.
No matter what route you choose to go, you’re trading one set of problems for another. Hanging out with other ALTs all the time is expensive, there’s all kinds of fucky drama and competition, you don’t get much of a say in what the plans are and you have to pretend to like people that you really can’t stand.
Avoiding the group has its own set of challenges. You miss out on some really fun times, the group organizes events that you wouldn’t be able to experience alone, there’s the support factor and the opportunity to meet people you actually really enjoy and have a lot in common with.
In the end, you come here for your own reasons, and as long as you know what those reasons are and are comfortable with the sacrifices and obstacles that come along with whatever your decision is, there’s nothing more to worry about. I’d say don’t make any concrete plans just yet, and don’t be too eager to define yourself as the independent loner by burning all your bridges the first chance you get. Take it slow, see who is arond you and just do what feels right. There’s also the possibility of hanging out with other JETs in moderation.
Are your interests and hobbies truly so unique that you assume you have nothing at all in common with any of 100+ other people? To me it seems ridiculous. But I’m not you, and you have no obligation whatsoever to look for those common interests. It’s your life and you should, obviously, do as you see fit. I’ve also been distancing myself a bit, but only because I’ve found some circles to be overly negative.
“Additionally, I came to Japan partly to get away from Western stuff for a while”
One of the main goals of JET is to share your culture with Japan and honestly, I’m not sure how you got past the interview stage with this mentality. The whole point is we are Westerners and we are going to constantly be asked about our home country. I’m from America, I get wanting to get away but I also fully expect to have conversations with Japanese people about America, the good and the bad. I can also understand thinking you aren’t going to get along with other people here, I don’t really like anime or manga and the reason I want to go to Japan is pretty unique, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give them a chance before I immediately discount them, especially because they could have some valuable advice!
I’d say try to come in with more of an open mind. Theres thousands of us so thinking you wont find anyone you get along with is pretty reductive. Especially if you don’t know Japanese well enough to befriend locals.