Hi! My boyfriend has told to me that he does not enjoy celebrating Christmas, and he felt forced and pressured to do Christmassy things with me last year and that he doesn’t want to anymore.
Ideally I would visit home for Christmas but not planning to this year due to prices
I have foreign friends to celebrate with, but Christmas to me is more a family thing so I wanted to celebrate in various ways throughout December with him and at home.
Has anyone else encountered this problem? Any advice? I’m feeling pretty bummed about it I can’t lie 🙁
26 comments
How is it possible that he dislikes *all* Christmassy things?
Wait, this is the same guy who hates ossan even though he is one himself, right?
uh, never mind
I’d be stoked. Hosanna in the highest! Gloria in excelsis Deo!
> I wanted to celebrate in various ways throughout December
Honestly sounds exhausting.
Edit: Maybe you can rephrase it to enjoying winter rather than Christmas specifically. Then attending a Christmas market or similar event would just be a subset of that.
Convert to Islam or Judaism with him inshallah
Don’t know about Christmas, but your New Year’s resolution should be to find a better boyfriend.
He’s a miserable cunt and needs to get a life. Dump him immediately.
Don’t force him to do anything he really doesn’t want to do unless you’re prepared to have an argument about it. Just celebrate it with other people and move on.
Having someone do something they don’t like because you asked them to (at least for me) feels worse than just not doing it. It’s too bad for you, since you like it, but compromise is important. As you said, you can still celebrate, but he’s not interested and there’s not much you can do about that. Maybe make plans with you friends and mention what you’re doing and that, though you know he doesn’t like it, he’s welcome to join if he likes. You get to celebrate, he doesn’t feel either pressured or excluded.
Japanese don’t really ‘celebrate’ Christmas. For most them Christmas means having a nice dinner with their SO on 24th Dec, go watching some illumination in Shibuya, before going home and get some touchy touchy. Or if they’re married, watching their kids going nuts over the Nintendo Switch that they have been asking since August.
Whatever you did last year, he was definitely NOT expecting something that lasts the whole month.
He hates ossans, he hates Christmas..
Next thread: my boyfriend hates valentine’s day
This is the same guy that hates old people. Your bf weak.
We don’t have that problem in this house. My husband really gets into Christmas every year. He even puts up a Christmas tree.
He seems to be a miserable and selfish person. Imagine if you had kids! Poor kids with him around at Christmas!! He needs the ghosts of Christmas past, present and yet-to-come to visit him all at the same time.
Well not all people are like you guys that enjoys company and attention given by other people. In my case i find socializing with people exhausting and would only spend my time with my SO and family. If ever I spend a special day with my friends they would be my decade long friends not just some random people or classmates. Maybe i’m just getting older because I wouldn’t say this kind of thing if I was asked this question 10years ago.
If your SO wouldn’t spend time with you then you need to rethink about his feelings or culture. But if your SO wouldn’t spend time because you have a bunch of people coming over then..
If an involved Christmas with your partner is a non-negotiable must for you, then find a more accommodating partner.
Otherwise, do what you have to do a zillion other times in any functional adult relationship: compromise. Discuss the importance of Christmas to you with him so it is very clear, then suggest he agree to do at least *something* Christmas-ish with you in exchange for you not trying to burden him with the holiday. Say, perhaps, just a nice Christmas Eve together but nothing else. If he refuses to concede even that much, consider very carefully what that means to you and proceed accordingly.
I may find my wife’s spiritual Shinto-Buddhist beliefs silly and/or uncomfortable, but I still go with her to shrines when she feels it is important for us to pray about something. I go through the motions even though I’m just thinking about my plans for the next day or whatever. I don’t say anything about the charms she pays for to hang in the car or house. If your boyfriend can’t make that much effort to endure something important to you, then, well… think about that.
No Christmas no sex, let’s see how he hates it now.
holidays with friends are usually more fun with friends than family, imo
make plans with others and invite him to come if he wants. put on that silly retro Rankin Bass rudolph movie. decorate a tree. if he wants to grump around, let him.
I kind of have a feeling that he hates Disneyland too. Yes?
quite honestly I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t love Christmas. That’s a dealbreaker for me. If it’s not that important to you (I assume it isn’t) just do christmasy stuff alone.
Between this and the ossan post, it sounds like you have compatibility issues.. If it’s that important to you, then you can always get another boyfriend
Relationships are hard, aren’t they.
Sounds like he is a real drainer on your relationship and that he might need to do some real hard thinking about what he wants in life.
Do you plan to get married? Do you plan to have kids?
Or are these things he doesn’t like. It’s very understandable that someone that isn’t from a Christian influenced doesn’t care much for Christmas. But it’s apart of your culture and who you are. If it’s important to you and you explain that. He should be willing to at least participate in some things that you enjoy.
The Ossan who stole Christmas…
Honestly OP, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Go get yourself a new man, this one sounds toxic and exhausting…
I have encountered this. I dated one guy who was not interested in Christmas or really any holidays, or even birthdays. I would ask if we could just get a slice or two of Christmas cake from a conbini and he would kinda sorta begrudgingly go along with it. I felt sad and lonely, honestly. He didn’t care and it was very clear.
Next guy hated Christmas. You could not bring up the topic without him going off. I did not ask him to join me for anything because I didn’t think it would be enjoyable for either of us.
I can’t tell you how to handle your situation, but after experiencing this I’ve realized I would do these things for people I care about, and I have. I didn’t feel like that energy was being reciprocated, so the choice was to stay and keep feeling this way, or leave. You’re the only one who can decide what you’re okay with.
Boy these comments are…..something
he’s being cheap
find a new bf, or gf
You wanna date with me? I love a family bucket on Christmas Eve , mmm finger lickin gooooood.