Can Anyone Help me check if my writing is ok?

So I might be going on a year’s exchange trip to Japan next year and In the application I am going to put a self introduction for the host families who see it. I can’t seem to find anywhere similar to Grammarly, but for Japanese, so I was hoping someone could check the paragraph for mistakes and perhaps change the wording around a bit. I would be super appreciative for any feedback people can give me. Thanks to everyone in advance! The self introduction is below (with the name censored)

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初めまして、(MY NAME) と申します。今15歳ですが、誕生日が11月なので、来年は16歳です。僕の家族は4人です。父と母と妹と僕です。妹は大学に行ってしまったので、一緒に住んでいません。もし日本に行ったら、剣道や、空手を やってみたいです。高校一年生です。日本語を二年間 勉強しています。日本語はちょっと難しいですが とっても かっこいな言語と思います。よろしくお願いします。

7 comments
  1. Your wordings are good. Only correction I made for you is;

    かっこいな→かっこいい

  2. Anyone reading this will understand the gist of what’s being said. Some of the phrasing is perhaps a bit odd.

    The only two issues I see, apart from かっこいな which someone mentioned below is

    * 剣道や、空手 – we don’t usually use a comma
    * ~言語**だ**と思います。

  3. Other than the very minor things pointed out, you have done a remarkably good job here.

  4. Wait 姉 or 妹 ? Because you wrote 妹 and she went to 大学 but you are 15 right?

  5. i also recommend you check out HiNative for help with writing/phrases/etc. from native Japanese speakers. I’m relatively new and just in the beginning of my journey in learning Japanese but i’ve found it helps a lot for my needs up to this point. If there are better alternatives or are downsides to HiNative that i’m currently unaware of i apologize but so far the free version seems to be good for quick help with things of this nature.

    i would also say to ignore the gimmicks and award system/point system it implements for fast response times and for answers you post for others, unless of course you genuinely enjoy being helpful or getting the awards and popularity among posters

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