Can someone tell me if this is well written? Do you have any suggestion/Correction? Thanks in advance

**My translation:**

もし私が2人いたら もし私が2人いたら、色々ことをできると思います。先に私が寝ながら、もう一人の私が大学へ行っています。また、彼氏と映画を見ながら、私の代わりに宿題をしてくれます。 それから、私は彼氏の会いに飛行機で旅行しながらもう一人の私は家にいます。 私が病気や忙しいだった、私の代わりにうどんやラメンや欲しい食べ物を買いに行ってくれました。 ですから、もう一人の私が本当にいたら、生活はずっと簡単でなると思います。

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**What I wanted to write:**

If there were two of me, I think I could do a lot of things. First off, while I’m sleeping, the other me would go to university. Also, the other me would do my homework for me while I’m watching movies with my boyfriend.

Then, my other me would be at home while I travel by plane to see my boyfriend.

When I am sick or busy, the other me would go buy udon noodles, ramen noodles, and other foods I want for my behalf.

I think life would be a lot easier if there really was another me.

2 comments
  1. >> 色々ことをできる

    ことができる. できる by itself is intransitive.

    >> 先に

    Be careful of English translations which may be deceptive; 先に means “first” in a temporal sense. Use まず instead.

    >> 行っています

    Be careful with the ている forms of movement verbs like 行く. You may have learned that ている can either denote a continuing action or the continued persistence of a change of state; it turns out 行く functions as a “change of state” verb, so 大学へ行っています actually means he “already went to and is still now at the college physically” rather than “is in the process of going”. Since I’m not sure what you intended to say, make sure you understand the nuances involved here, and see [here](https://japanese.stackexchange.com/questions/3122/when-is-v%e3%81%a6%e3%81%84%e3%82%8b-the-continuation-of-action-and-when-is-it-the-continuation-of-state) if you need further clarification.

    >>それから

    This denotes a temporal sequence of events (e.g. you went to see your boyfriend after you watched a movie with him). Make sure that’s what you intended to say.

    >> 彼氏の会いに

    彼氏に会いに

    >> 家にいます

    If you want to spice up your vocab, look up 留守・留守番. What you have is technically correct though.

    >> 私が病気や忙しいだった

    Overall awkwardly phrased, and 忙しいだった in particular is ungrammatical. If you want to list several predicates, consider using the たり-する grammar pattern (e.g. 私は病気になったり忙しくなったりしたら). See [here](https://jlptsensei.com/learn-japanese-grammar/%E3%81%9F%E3%82%8A%EF%BD%9E%E3%81%9F%E3%82%8A%E3%81%99%E3%82%8B-tari-tari-suru-meaning/) for more info.

    >> 簡単でなる

    簡単になる

  2. 私が2人いたら もし私が2人いたら、色々**な**こと**が**できると思います。先に私が寝ながら(this sounds weird to me. I think 寝てる間に would be better)、もう一人の私が大学へ行っています。また、彼氏と映画を見ながら、私の代わりに宿題をしてくれます。 それから、~~私は~~彼氏の会いに飛行機で旅行しながらもう一人の私は家にいます。 ~~私が~~病気や忙し**くなれば**、私の代わりにうどんやラメンや欲しい食べ物を買いに行って**くれます**。 ですから、もう一人の私が本当にいたら、生活はずっと簡単**に**なると思います。

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