Teachers Just Don’t Talk To Me

22 comments

1. They honestly could just be busy. The others could just be nervous around talking to foreigners. I know it’s silly because you can speak Japanese, but that’s just how it is sometimes. Be patient and try not to take it personally.

2. Yeah it kinda stings when you walk in and you ohayogozaimasu and get ignored or something, they’re either busy/didn’t hear/assholes and honestly you have to learn to just get over it because it’s not something you can do anything about.

   I don’t expect any teachers to talk to me because they’re busy, or they don’t care about the ALT, or whatever. I’m just extra nice to the ones that do (always bring omiyage back to them and when I pass it other teachers often see and I can hear them ask the teacher why I brought it back for them or wow the ALT is so nice I want one too). It seems “shallow” but through this way I’ve found that the nice teacher “vouches” for me and the other teachers found out through him/her that I can speak Japanese and what not.

   What made me feel better about being ignored or whatever is that even the Japanese teachers don’t like each other some times. I’ve gotten in on some nomikais and you can hear all the tea and gossip lol.

   There’s not anything you can do really except keep being you, maybe popping your head into classes/clubs, continue greeting your teachers (esp in places like hallways or stairs when you passing by, heck even the bathroom), and be nice to the teachers who do talk to you.

   There are some assholes who will ignore you if say like ohayogozaimasu in the hallway but I found those teachers to be assholes to everyone. 90% of teachers will always aisatsu back to you.

   The last thing I would say is don’t expect to make any “friends” like hanging out outside of school and what not. But lower it to friendly coworkers.

3. Talk about the shit no one cares about but Japanese people love.

   – The weather (it’s hot, isn’t it?)

   – How you feel (oh, I’m tired – only if you actually have a lot of work and they know it)

   – Whatever BS local stuff there is.

   You’ll get there. Make your timing count – if they look like they’re doing something, just stick to the greeting. If you meet someone in the kitchen – staff room getting a drink, then that’s fine – unless they’re moving faster than need be.

   Read the air!

4. Unfortunately there is only so much you can do. If you put out a good faith effort to connect and they rebuff you, best to just move on and focus on the people who do respond. Rejection, even for something as simple as casual conversation, stings, but its better to focus your energy on other areas/friendships/relationships than dwell on the ones that are going nowhere. True not just for the workplace but for life in general. Admittedly thats not always easy to accept on an emotional level, but keep at it and you should be ok.

5. they could be busy/stressed. i’m lucky because my school has a pretty laidback atmosphere–the vice principal is always joking with people and is lighthearted, the teachers are friendly and willing to go out of their comfort zone. unfortunately, this doesn’t seem typical.

   if you really want to make a connection, be on the lookout for pet pictures or random incidental stuff (this woman in my school has a desktop background of a very elaborate diorama made entirely of bread??? and i asked her if she made it and she was taken aback, but revealed that she wished she could make bread dioramas) and ask about it on a slow day!

6. Hi there! I have been an ALT for 10 years. Some schools are just BAD schools. They wont like you, they wont like each other either. Its mainly because a mean principal or vice-principal (you would be surprised of the amount of power harassment complaints BOE receive from several schools).

   I have had super friendly cool relaxed schools (mostly elementary schools, JHS are not that friendly because they are busier than in ES).

   I have seen bad schools turning to great schools after the monster coucho sensei leaves.

   I had a Kyoto sensei who hated foreigners, both men or women, white or brown. The previous ALT warned me about her, but I was sure I was different (and better). First weeks were fine but suddenly she started talking to me in a different way and once she even yelled (and I had more than 5 years of experience at the time, speaking fluent Japanese and knowing the culture pretty well). I warned the next ALT and to no surprise, next time I saw the new ALT she was like “OMG you were right, she hated me right from the start!”

   I have had people, not the whole school, just one teacher, talking to me a lot, either in Japanese or English. There is usually at least one cool person who is willing to chit chat and also help you.

   But I have been in several schools where there are more than 10 people at the teachers room in complete silence, for several minutes.

   I suggest keeping greeting everyone, offering help, trying to talk (after school). Eventually one will end up being just shy, not rude.

7. Serious question here, why should they talk to you?

   Remember they are very busy and small talk chatter is going to run into both cultural and linguistic barriers here.

   Have you been here for 6 months? Stage 2 mate. Learn not to care it’s likely not personal but all in your head.

8. Some teachers just aren’t interested. It sucks, but it is what it is. Just focus on talking with the students and those teachers that do actually talk to you. That is all you can really do. Don’t force it.

9. Don’t listen to the other people here claiming you shouldn’t bother. They’re the ones that have no friends and are salty about it.

   Keep trying and be approachable. Don’t be at your desk all day looking at the screen. Keep an eye on who’s back at their desk during a free period. Think of questions to ask teachers like advice about Japanese, restaurant recs, stuff to do in the area, where to start up hobbies etc. Most will feel happy they get to help in some way and do want to interact with you. Corner them in the tea room or talk to them during cleaning time. Some of them just don’t know how to start talking to you or have their own hangup’s about English/other countries.

   People are shy so you have to initiate way more here. Once you do it enough it’ll snowball.

   I will agree there are just some teachers that have no interest and that’s not your fault at all. Every March the staff change around and depending on who gets rotated in and our it can completely change the vibe of the staffroom. Focus on the one’s that are reciprocating. There were a few teachers I thought were absolute grumps but once they saw me interacting with a few other teachers they started chiming in and they turned out to be really nice.

10. It won’t really matter in the end because even if you make friends with them, it isn’t guaranteed they’ll stick around because of staffing changes each year. Go make friends outside school.

11. Best to find friends outside work.

12. My teachers try to talk to me but my Japanese is just trash. I still love that they still try to interact with me. I would still recommend making friends outside of work too.

13. Most people hate being at work anyway and you are probably the 8th or 9th foreigner on average shuffled in and out of their lives. For an ALT the experience is Ichigo ichie but for the Japanese teachers it’s business as usual with a swapped in/swapped out foreigner.

14. There is a teacher here that only spoke to me in my third year despite me always greeting him when we pass on the corridor. 🙂 Turns out he was terrified I would ask him how his day was and his English is crap. Some of them would never engage with you. This is how the matcha cookie crumbles.

15. In my experience, you’re better off making friends outside of work rather than trying to become friends with the other teachers. It can be nice to be friends with the other teachers, but I find that they’re usually really busy in general. Moreover, I found that being friends with people who I don’t work with is generally more enjoyable for me. Keep the work stuff at work, and enjoy my time out of work with others lol. I befriended people in the next town over where I rode a horse and met a Japanese cowboy lol. That’s probably one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve had here. Basically, I think I find more satisfying interactions with the people outside of work who are less familiar with foreigners. There’s a lot of cultural exchange that I can partake in outside of work. People are really curious about you when you’re one of the very few foreigners that they have probably met. Especially out in the country side. Not sure if you’re in an urban placement or not, but I find myself more often than not striking up small conversations with people in the country side than I have in urban areas. I drive out to a bread shop pretty much in the middle of nowhere, and they always want to have some conversations.

    I do have some friends at my BoE, but generally my work life remains that way. A work life.

    That being said, if you really want to pursue being friends with the other teachers at your school, you can try participating in some of the extracurricular activities. Help out with some of the club stuff if you’re okay with that. Bring out some of the hardest kanji practice books you know and work on that. I always have a few teachers scan by and enjoy venting about the struggles of kanji lol.

    Overall though, I would say don’t let it bother you too much. It’s easier said than done, I know. But, try to keep a positive mind, and if people at work don’t seem interested in talking too much, try to find people outside that would be more interested in having conversations whether it be at some english circle, some cultural exchange event, festival, etc. Maybe you can vent with each other about your job like a couple of buds lol.

    I wish you the best of luck with whatever you choose to pursue! Hope things go well for you!

16. I find most Japanese people who have issues with foreigners previously had problems with other foreigners. Whilst most ALTs are decent people, as anyone who reads Reddit knows there is an element of trailer trash who slip through the net. I wouldn’t be surprised if a person from the trailer trash community weaved his / her magic at your school previously.

17. In general I consider it pretty rude if someone ignores me when I greet them, especially if they ordinarily greet other teachers. I would find it rude in my own language, and I find it rude in Japan too. People who do that aren’t worth the time of day as far as I’m concerned, but I’m a consistent fellow, so I keep at it either way because that’s who I am.

    When it comes to talking with other teachers more generally there are a number of factors impacting this situation. I think a lot of teachers keep their distance either because they’re busy/not interested in getting to know foreigners, or they might be waiting to see whether or not you’ll stick around, or if you’ll cause some kind of trouble (not uncommon, every JTE has some story about problematic ALTs). Six months in isn’t particularly long. I found that by my second year I had proven myself to be reliable, I had some people I could speak with regularly both inside and outside of the English department, but still only a small number. And every year there are some new teachers who arrive who are very hesitant to engage with me. One thing that helps is going to drinking parties, which there aren’t many of at the moment. But that might change soon. It’s also important to pick your times when trying to chat. I had some embarrassing moments in my early years when I had very bad timing with this sort of thing, but they were learning experiences.

    There are other factors of course, such as the fact that a lot of Japanese people think that speaking in a foreign language is an attempt at showing off, flexing academic acumen (when all you’re trying to do is communicate). There are Japanese people who think its きもちわるい if a foreigner speaks Japanese very well. This way of thinking is pretty dumb, but it’s very common, and you’ll see it in the English class as well. Students who can speak English well will hesitate to do it in front of other people for fear of being ostracized. Keep at it, try to find people will similar interests, the more open-minded sorts. Just be wary of old men who only want to talk at you to practice their English.

18. Don’t discount them truly just being too busy. There are a few teachers at my school I’m very friendly with, but even they sometimes just don’t have the energy to so much as grunt out a greeting. I know right now most of the 3rd year teachers at my JHS are staying until 9pm most nights. They got a lot on their plates.

19. These post seemingly never end. Is it imperative that you make friends with everyone at work? Many of them are overworked and already can’t manage their time much less spend on idle chat. I don’t think they’re being rude but honestly some people just can’t be bothered. It’s especially tricky when you make more than most of them and do less than them. Keep that in mind. You’re better off making friends outside of work.

20. If this is a teacher problem, there’s nothing you can do except be patient and look for better times. Summer vacation is a good one. Late in the afternoon, long after your working hours ended, is another. When in doubt, talk to the maintenance man or the tea lady, because they probably have more free time.

    If it’s a you problem, then you’d need to share a lot more information. But you might not want to, because that might increase negative feedback.

    And probably it’s a combination of factors anyway.

    Also, if the teachers won’t talk to you, go talk to the students.

    If your classes are going OK, at least not disastrous most of the time, you’re probably doing a fine job. Half a year is such a short time. It’s unlikely you understand a lot of what’s going on in the staff room, and that’s not your fault. The best way to fix this is to be patient.

21. >many staff will just ignore me when I say こんにちは or お疲れ様

    These aren’t necessarily conversation starters. I say those to my teachers everyday and I don’t expect much of a response aside from them just returning it. You’ll need to try harder than that to start a conversation.

    >or just refuse to speak to me in Japanese when they’re forced to interact with me (despite the fact that my Japanese is better than their extremely rudimentary English)

    This sounds very condescending. You would be surprised how much Japanese people understand English without being able to speak it back. If a teacher strikes up a conversation with you in English, reply in English. If you are knee-jerking to Japanese everytime then that seems kind of rude. You’d be surprised how fun a simple conversation can become when there is a language barrier and you have to resort to simple words and gestures.

22. As others have said, it can be better and more constructive to make friends outside of the school if possible. Most of the teachers here that I know are already overworked as is, and don’t want to add the stress of a communication breakdown to their list of shit to deal with. They’ll communicate with me for work-related stuff, but otherwise aren’t down for small talk.

    I made friends elsewhere and it was much easier that way.