Hi, I just arrived in Japan for a working holiday. I’m only 14 days in but I already want to leave. I’ve been planning this trip for about a year and a half, and just as I graduated from university I came over. The months leading up to coming I started having doubts and eventually decided I didn’t really want to go anymore, but my parents kind of pressured me and I kept telling myself it would be a good learning experience both for life and for language. Now that I’m here I find I dislike it a lot more than I feared. I had plans to do all sorts of things but the most appealing thing to me now is just staying in my apartment and reading. My family is coming to visit in April, so I thought I would stick it out until then and go back with them, but I’m starting to think I won’t even last that long. I have an apartment with a 1 year lease that I can cancel whenever, and I just finished furnishing it with some cheap ikea stuff. I already sort of have a part time job with interesting prospects and right now it’s the only thing keeping me from running back home. If I’ve already decided that I’m not fit for Japan at 14 days in will things get worse or slowly better? I don’t think it’s culture shock, as Japan is exactly how I expected it to be, but I wasn’t expecting to dislike it so much now that I’m here in person.
Fwiw i have JLPT N1. I’m supposed to be setting up my internet and making a bank account but I’m finding it hard to even get out of bed and am bordering on tears even in public.
15 comments
What do you dislike exactly? 👂
Sounds more like a mental health problem to me.
>The months leading up to coming I started having doubts and eventually decided I didn’t really want to go anymore,
tbh sounds like you convinced yourself that coming to Japan will be a bad experience, and it’s becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I.e., this is less about Japan and more about you and your expectations, especially since you’ve only been here 2 weeks.
no one can predict if things will get worse or better. but you’re probably in a good position to choose if you want your experience in Japan to be good or bad.
so at the end, it’s up to you. i’m going to sound harsh but if you just shut yourself in your apartment and decide that “Japan is bad” without stepping outside and actually experiencing Japan (both the good and the bad parts) — then it’s all on you.
You’ve been here 2 weeks. I’ve come to Japan to live in 2 separate occasions as a starry-eyed weeb (not saying you are). Both times apathy-stricken and disillusioned upon arrival. Been here seven years now.
Japan is not going to solve your mental health issues.
Find a way to make some friends, either Japanese or foreigners. Isolating yourself won’t help you. However long you decide to stay here, make the best of the time you do spend here. I had a hard time adjusting to Japan when I first started living here but I enjoy my life here now. Once you figure this place out and have people to hang out with it can be quite fun.
Eh… like everything else. If you don’t want to do it, take all the steps you’d need to do it before leaving your apartment: get out of bed, get dressed, even put your fucking shoes on. Then stand there in the genkan for a minute. If you don’t want to go out after that, then don’t. Go back into bed and read.
Other suggestions, check out Facebook or meet ups and try those. It’s much easier to meet and talk to people who are also searching for that kind of thing.
While I wouldn’t ignore real mental health issues, I would encourage you to stick it out. My cousin did a similar move (not Japan) and gave up within a few weeks. He regretted it for the rest of his life (not to be dramatic, but it’s one of his biggest regrets).
Time flies by quickly. Write down a to do list and pick one thing to accomplish. Celebrate when you cross it off. Find something in your neighborhood that you actually like (random small Jizo, an amazing ginkgo tree, stray cats, a decorated windowsill) and walk by it every day.
It sounds like you’re daunted by the enormity of this life change. Try to break it down step by step. Just get through one day at a time. And yeah go in person to Yucho Ginko, you should be able to open an account.
It helps not to be alone. I’m guessing that turning to Reddit for advice might be an indicator that there is no one around you that is either close enough to you or personable enough for you to open up to about these things. Dwelling on one’s thoughts alone can make you end up in endless thought spirals leading you to depression.
Mental health struggles are no joke – I hope you try all the recommended things (make sure you’re eating and sleeping ok), get some sunlight, make sure you move around (just short walks are enough if more is too hard for you at the moment). There are mental health professionals you can talk to as well, just avoid Dr. Berger in Meguro at all costs.
I recommend making a list of things you want to do (or if you’re not so motivated to do much… things you think you ought to do). If you’re in one of the big cities like Tokyo or Osaka, a short day trip outside might help.
The time just after graduating is not always exciting and wonderful… it can also make you feel listless and wonder what the hell is the point in anything as you get a whole bunch of existential angst. You’re not the only one this happens too and know that you’re not alone. But you probably should find other places than Reddit to find connections or advice (too many trolls online that may make things worse).
Anyway, it’s winter now and mental health struggles are also exacerbated by seasonal affective disorders… so this may make your current struggles worse now than they may be in April when your family is here.
Good luck and take care of yourself! A Zoom call with friends and family back home may help!
That’s rough man. As many stated it sounds like some homesickness mixed with other stuff, so not necessarily Tokyo…
But you did mention that you don’t like the architecture and miss greenery around you. Did you end up in a very urban area? How tied are you to your current apartment?
If urban jungle is making you sick, there are neighbourhoods outside of the main spots that can be more comfortable. Or you could leave Tokyo completely and move out to a more countryside vibe.
Are you sure you’re not home sick? My first two weeks were terrifying. Like you, I considered just going back home. I didn’t want to believe that I was home sick, but looking back now, I’m sure that was my problem. I’ve been here 14 years and love it.
A big thing was meeting some new friends that really looked after me. They could tell I was a fragile deer caught in the head lights. They took me in and made me part of the gang. I hope you can meet some great people soon.
What was your ‘why Japan’?
You have N1 so there must be a reason you started.
My recommendation is to plan to leave in one year, make a list of everything you wanted to try , and see if the time limit inspires you to try things because soon you will be going home.
Okay…. So, 14 days… first and foremost, you’re probably feeling homesick. Completely normal. You’re in a new environment that is completely foreign to you which is enough to give anyone massive amounts of anxiety. That said, it also sounds like you live in a big city. Maybe that’s just not a good fit. I’ve lived in Japan 8+ years and in three completely environments; heart of Tokyo, Iwakuni and my current location in Oita prefecture in the countryside. I absolutely hated every moment in Tokyo. I hated the way everyone was always in a hurry to go somewhere, the packed trains and pretty much everything else. I went to school, came home, and basically drank myself to sleep. Anyways, to my point. I moved to my current location and I fell heads over heels in love and I’ve been here 5 years and plan to spend the rest of my life here. Personally I think you need to explore a little before writing this place off and maybe you’ll find your happy place too, or maybe not, but you won’t know unless you try.
As for making new friends, and this is only my personal opinion, don’t try too hard. I have a handful of Japanese friends, but making friends can be….complicated. I think there was another thread posted on Japanlife posted today actually that covers this topic well. I suggest you give it a read. Just enjoy the sights, food, culture and if you happen to meet some cool people along the way, even better.
Anyways, whatever you decide, remember its YOUR decision and it doesn’t matter what I, nor anyone else on Reddit, thinks you should do. I wish you the best.
Jay
Ohhhh this is so tough. And so subjective. I don’t know your full circumstances so I will just comment based on my experience. So please take it or leave it.
At your age I had a very similar experience in a different country. Along with homesickness, I definitely had culture shock in hindsight, despite it actually being better than expected. Plus it was my first time alone in a foreign country, and my first time living alone, and I was far from my support network.
After 2 weeks I so badly wanted out! But I stayed. And I am so glad I did. Can’t tell you the exact point it turned around, but it did. And I have never felt so powerful or proud of myself for sticking it out. It has shaped my whole life since.
It’s only been 2 weeks. Be kind to yourself. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to have it all sorted already.
It feels hard because what you have done already is really hard!!! It’s a major life event, they say moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do, but you moved countries too, and alone!!!! You should be proud for even getting this far.
In the short term, do some of the things that bought you comfort at home – go sit in a cozy coffee shop; or rug up and read a book at home. But do start to try & get out and try something new once a week.
Good luck OP. And remember that whatever you decide, it’s the right choice for you at this moment, nothing else matters (including the opinions of others).