Here in America we are really repressed when it comes to sex work etc, with many people seeing it negatively, citing it as a reason for failed marriages. I can understand why by in Large as American and the supposed Christian moral virtue wedding and all. But in Japan where there are hostess bars, soaplands, hotel rental by the hour, and the “no pan shabu shabu” how does the marriage dynamic work here? If a husband visits a soapland after work, does the wife still get angry and divorce? What if he visits a traditional courtesan, or takes a coworker to the hotel for an hour stay, or visits a hostess bar for companionship?
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/zrtncf/japanese_marriage_culture_vs_the_sex_industry/
9 comments
My god this sub sure does attract the cream of the crop
>If a husband visits a soapland after work, does the wife still get angry and divorce?
Honestly, you’re asking a very big question here with an obvious answer: it depends. I’d imagine most would be at least pretty angry and some might divorce but some might not. Having kids in the equation will complicate the matter.
You also asked about hostess bars, going to a love hotel, etc. Keep in mind these are all *very* different places. Going to a love hotel implies you’re having sex while going to a hostess bar means you’ll simply be chatting (and paying an extravagant amount). While going to a hostess bar with your coworkers might not be seen as being “cheating” (since you’re chatting) but taking a coworker to a love hotel is a very different situation.
In Japan there are many marriages that don’t work out, but the social pressure to stay married, raise the kids and avoid embarrassment is high. Maybe its not even that the marriage didn’t work out as much as the spark is lost and they are sexless.
In such situations (and being a patriarchal society) the husband having affairs, visiting prostitutes or keeping a mistress (if he’s rich enough) is an open secret and the wife is in on the bargain. She has to keep up appearances like the husband, but no longer needs to share beds behind closed doors.
An affair ending a marriage is not common in my experience. I think the calculus is that it would be better for everyone if the couple just soldiers on unhappily until death.
On the other hand, I knew a couple that stayed together and continued to have sex while he went through several affairs. They had younger kids.
They only got divorced when she found a boyfriend and was heads over heels for him. She was like, I don’t need anything else, sorry Mom and Dad!
i am married a japanese woman and she would kill me.
Ugh. I was gonna type but now I’ll just say, good luck out there.
It depends entirely on the people. Certainly not all women are willing to put up with a husband cheating or wasting money in hostess bars
I’ve heard three Japanese wives say (separately, mind you) “I don’t care if he cheats, as long as I don’t find out.” Make of that what you will.
And you all are under the assumption that the wives don’t cheat. I’ve been here for 13 years,, it’s just as common. Especially when the kids get older and the couple gets tired of each other.
Lots of people have agreements. It’s not specific to japan. Some people are ace or have low drive, no interest in sex. It’s not cheating or shady if both parties are aware and in agreement. There’s many people out there that still have great love for each other, and are partners in life, yet don’t match sexually. Think of being with someone for 50+ years. You change as a person many times over during that time, and so will your compatibility. It can be an act of love to give your partner the opportunity to have their sexual needs met without sacrificing the entire relationship that you’ve built over decades. (Especially if you have no interest in sex yourself). As long as it’s done openly and responsibly, I think it can be a healthy thing.
Controversial opinion here, but I also believe you should never expect your partner to be celibate. If you have no interest in sex and don’t want sex, your partner should have other options available. It’s about mutual respect.
It’s really moreso when it’s done behind closed doors, in secret, without discussing etc. At that time it’s more of a trust and lack of communication issue then it is a sex issue. It’s reasonable to break a relationship off if there is no trust and communication – the relationship can’t function like that.
Life long relationships only survive with creative solutions. They’re never as black and white as what society leads you to believe. Humans are much more complex, and relationships even moreso.